On the Edge - One shot - Veylian
Saturday, November 15th, 2014 04:57 pmHi! My name's DrippingNeon! I'm new here! I might need some help! I might be using too many exclamation marks! I don't care! My cut might not work! Feesh!
Aurey swore quietly as she hung on the edge of a tower, right over a giant pile of silverfish.
“Vechs! Help!”
She could hear the chorus of little squeaks below her. She looked down. Oh, that was not a good idea. It was a long way down until the darkness stone cave floor; letting go would be instant death. Besides, even if she did survive the fall, those silverfish were probably not too happy after Vechs wacked them with the Battle Sign.
“What are you doing down there, Rellybits?”
Aurey looked up. Vechs’ head was poking out from the top of the tower; his red helmet was scratched, his face was smeared with dirt, the silly goggles he wore all the time was crooked and he had that goofy grin on.
“You’re supposed to be helping me take down spawners, not trying to get closer to the feesh.”
“Ugh, Vechs, just get me out of here.”
“Why do you like feesh so much? They don’t seem to like you as much.”
He pointed at the angry pile of fins and black tails.
“Well maybe they would’ve liked me somewhat more if you hadn’t decided to hit them with a flame enchanted sign.”
“He was trying to eat my face!”
"Fine. Just help me up.”
“I’ve got just the thing for this.”
“No! Vechs!” But it was too late; Vechs’ head had already disappeared. When he came back, he was holding a punch bow, and a couple of arrows.
“Don’t you dare!”
Vechs giggled, the high pitched sound echoing all throughout the cavern. Aurey watched him grab his bow, slide an arrow into place, and draw the string back as far as he could. One of his eyebrows was cocked upwards and his mouth was pressed into a straight line with focus. For a moment Aurey was distracted with how determined and handsome Vechs looked up there, but then an arrow landed on the little ledge she was holding on, inches beside the pinkie of her right hand.
“Vechs, stop! Rude!”
“Rude. Rude. Like, totes rude brah! Like all the rude!” Vechs mocked, drawing another arrow, this time landing it beside Aurey’s forefinger.
“Please Vechs, my arm’s getting sore. Just help me up.” Aurey begged.
“Alright.” Vechs put the bow away, took off his glove, and reached a hand down. Aurey grabbed on and marvelled at the muscles on Vechs’ arm as he pulled her up. Vechs’ hand was warm and comforting and Aurey felt somewhat glad she fell down just to be able to hold Vechs’ hand. Vechs pulled her onto the platform and they both collapsed, exhausted.
When they both had caught their breath, Vechs stood up and smiled a big, brilliant smile at Aurey.
“Would you like some chicken?”
“Sure.” said Aurey, and she smiled right back.
Vechs took Aurey by the hand and they both walked to the furnace where the chicken was cooking.
Aurey swore quietly as she hung on the edge of a tower, right over a giant pile of silverfish.
“Vechs! Help!”
She could hear the chorus of little squeaks below her. She looked down. Oh, that was not a good idea. It was a long way down until the darkness stone cave floor; letting go would be instant death. Besides, even if she did survive the fall, those silverfish were probably not too happy after Vechs wacked them with the Battle Sign.
“What are you doing down there, Rellybits?”
Aurey looked up. Vechs’ head was poking out from the top of the tower; his red helmet was scratched, his face was smeared with dirt, the silly goggles he wore all the time was crooked and he had that goofy grin on.
“You’re supposed to be helping me take down spawners, not trying to get closer to the feesh.”
“Ugh, Vechs, just get me out of here.”
“Why do you like feesh so much? They don’t seem to like you as much.”
He pointed at the angry pile of fins and black tails.
“Well maybe they would’ve liked me somewhat more if you hadn’t decided to hit them with a flame enchanted sign.”
“He was trying to eat my face!”
"Fine. Just help me up.”
“I’ve got just the thing for this.”
“No! Vechs!” But it was too late; Vechs’ head had already disappeared. When he came back, he was holding a punch bow, and a couple of arrows.
“Don’t you dare!”
Vechs giggled, the high pitched sound echoing all throughout the cavern. Aurey watched him grab his bow, slide an arrow into place, and draw the string back as far as he could. One of his eyebrows was cocked upwards and his mouth was pressed into a straight line with focus. For a moment Aurey was distracted with how determined and handsome Vechs looked up there, but then an arrow landed on the little ledge she was holding on, inches beside the pinkie of her right hand.
“Vechs, stop! Rude!”
“Rude. Rude. Like, totes rude brah! Like all the rude!” Vechs mocked, drawing another arrow, this time landing it beside Aurey’s forefinger.
“Please Vechs, my arm’s getting sore. Just help me up.” Aurey begged.
“Alright.” Vechs put the bow away, took off his glove, and reached a hand down. Aurey grabbed on and marvelled at the muscles on Vechs’ arm as he pulled her up. Vechs’ hand was warm and comforting and Aurey felt somewhat glad she fell down just to be able to hold Vechs’ hand. Vechs pulled her onto the platform and they both collapsed, exhausted.
When they both had caught their breath, Vechs stood up and smiled a big, brilliant smile at Aurey.
“Would you like some chicken?”
“Sure.” said Aurey, and she smiled right back.
Vechs took Aurey by the hand and they both walked to the furnace where the chicken was cooking.
no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:15 am (UTC)Oh, and welcome to the Salad! Looks like you got the cut figured out. Nice! :)
*begins HUGPILE*
no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 08:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 03:36 am (UTC)May I interest you in a cookie?
A doughnut?
Cake?
Cupcake?
Orange?
Wool?
Orange Wool?
Mario?
Luigi?
Rambling!
Well. Welcome. I am the resident nutcase here, I think. So nice to meet you! PIRATES! VEYLIAN! MUCH YAY!
EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!
no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 03:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 01:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, November 18th, 2014 03:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 11:04 pm (UTC)Hi there!
I'm Azrael! You write good!
no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 02:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 03:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 02:26 am (UTC)*jumps on hugpile*
no subject
Date: Friday, November 21st, 2014 06:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 04:23 am (UTC)Congrats on getting the cut to work! They're a bit snarky sometimes. ;)
Anyways, I'm not a fan of Veylian, but I did enjoy this little one shot. Some constructive criticism if you don't mind; not saying who says the dialogue can get a bit confusing. Hard to tell who is saying what. No need to be all "she said" and "he said", you gotta be sneaky about it. For example; "What are you doing down there, Rellybits? " asked Vechs, sounding more amused than worried.
Simple add-ons that explain who said the dialogue but also add to the depth of the writing! Keep it up!
~Wild
no subject
Date: Friday, November 21st, 2014 06:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, November 25th, 2014 05:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, November 30th, 2014 05:14 am (UTC)