drippingneon: (Default)
[personal profile] drippingneon posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
Hi! My name's DrippingNeon! I'm new here! I might need some help! I might be using too many exclamation marks! I don't care! My cut might not work! Feesh!




Aurey swore quietly as she hung on the edge of a tower, right over a giant pile of silverfish.
   
 “Vechs! Help!”
   
She could hear the chorus of little squeaks below her. She looked down. Oh, that was not a good idea. It was a long way down until the darkness stone cave floor; letting go would be instant death. Besides, even if she did survive the fall, those silverfish were probably not too happy after Vechs wacked them with the Battle Sign.

“What are you doing down there, Rellybits?”

Aurey looked up. Vechs’ head was poking out from the top of the tower; his red helmet was scratched, his face was smeared with dirt, the silly goggles he wore all the time was crooked and he had that goofy grin on.

“You’re supposed to be helping me take down spawners, not trying to get closer to the feesh.”

“Ugh, Vechs, just get me out of here.”

“Why do you like feesh so much? They don’t seem to like you as much.”

He pointed at the angry pile of fins and black tails.

“Well maybe they would’ve liked me somewhat more if you hadn’t decided to hit them with a flame enchanted sign.”

“He was trying to eat my face!”

"Fine. Just help me up.”

“I’ve got just the thing for this.”

“No! Vechs!” But it was too late; Vechs’ head had already disappeared. When he came back, he was holding a punch bow, and a couple of arrows.

“Don’t you dare!”

Vechs giggled, the high pitched sound echoing all throughout the cavern. Aurey watched him grab his bow, slide an arrow into place, and draw the string back as far as he could. One of his eyebrows was cocked upwards and his mouth was pressed into a straight line with focus. For a moment Aurey was distracted with how determined and handsome Vechs looked up there, but then an arrow landed on the little ledge she was holding on, inches beside the pinkie of her right hand.

“Vechs, stop! Rude!”

“Rude. Rude. Like, totes rude brah! Like all the rude!” Vechs mocked, drawing another arrow, this time landing it beside Aurey’s forefinger.

“Please Vechs, my arm’s getting sore. Just help me up.” Aurey begged.

“Alright.” Vechs put the bow away, took off his glove, and reached a hand down. Aurey grabbed on and marvelled at the muscles on Vechs’ arm as he pulled her up. Vechs’ hand was warm and comforting and Aurey felt somewhat glad she fell down just to be able to hold Vechs’ hand. Vechs pulled her onto the platform and they both collapsed, exhausted.

When they both had caught their breath, Vechs stood up and smiled a big, brilliant smile at Aurey.

“Would you like some chicken?”

“Sure.” said Aurey, and she smiled right back.

Vechs took Aurey by the hand and they both walked to the furnace where the chicken was cooking.
 

 

Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] gummy53
Aww, cute! :)

Oh, and welcome to the Salad! Looks like you got the cut figured out. Nice! :)

*begins HUGPILE*

Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:56 am (UTC)
the_mysterious_m: (Default)
From: [personal profile] the_mysterious_m
Welcome to the salad! You did the cut right! Congrats! I also use too many exclamation points! You are not alone in that! Yay!

Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:56 am (UTC)
the_mysterious_m: (Default)
From: [personal profile] the_mysterious_m
I'm not joining.

Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 03:36 am (UTC)
lthomas224: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lthomas224
WHALECUM! DOUGHNUTS! EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! VEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYLIAN!

May I interest you in a cookie?
A doughnut?
Cake?
Cupcake?
Orange?
Wool?
Orange Wool?
Mario?
Luigi?
Rambling!

Well. Welcome. I am the resident nutcase here, I think. So nice to meet you! PIRATES! VEYLIAN! MUCH YAY!

EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!

Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 02:21 pm (UTC)
the_mysterious_m: (Default)
From: [personal profile] the_mysterious_m
*Takes and eats cookie* surprisingly tasty...

Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 11:04 pm (UTC)
giggleworthy: (Default)
From: [personal profile] giggleworthy
./me begins dance chicken dance

Hi there!
I'm Azrael! You write good!
Edited Date: Sunday, November 16th, 2014 11:06 pm (UTC)

Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 01:27 am (UTC)
captain_crackers: (Default)
From: [personal profile] captain_crackers
We're all nutcases here.

Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 01:30 am (UTC)
captain_crackers: (Default)
From: [personal profile] captain_crackers
Daaawwww! Veylian is always adorable! Well.... Most of the time. Anyway, hi! Most people call me Cap. It's nice to meet you!

Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 02:26 am (UTC)
eclipse3: (Default)
From: [personal profile] eclipse3
Welcome! 'Grats on getting the cuts right.

*jumps on hugpile*
Edited Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 02:28 am (UTC)

Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 03:28 am (UTC)
lthomas224: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lthomas224
This is very true.

Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 03:49 am (UTC)
captain_crackers: (Default)
From: [personal profile] captain_crackers
*Gasp* I forgot the hugpile! *jumps on hugpile*

Date: Monday, November 17th, 2014 04:23 am (UTC)
wildh10l: (Default)
From: [personal profile] wildh10l
Hello and welcome!

Congrats on getting the cut to work! They're a bit snarky sometimes. ;)

Anyways, I'm not a fan of Veylian, but I did enjoy this little one shot. Some constructive criticism if you don't mind; not saying who says the dialogue can get a bit confusing. Hard to tell who is saying what. No need to be all "she said" and "he said", you gotta be sneaky about it. For example; "What are you doing down there, Rellybits? " asked Vechs, sounding more amused than worried.

Simple add-ons that explain who said the dialogue but also add to the depth of the writing! Keep it up!

~Wild

Date: Tuesday, November 18th, 2014 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] ex_writeitinsharpie308
But some more than others :p

Date: Tuesday, November 25th, 2014 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] elektron124
The resident ghost welcomes you to the salad.

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