He's not imaginary! -Chapter 2
Friday, April 10th, 2015 10:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
clashofdemonesense posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
mindcrackloveYellow, yellow, one and all who feel like reading this! Yeah, I haven't been very active said late, so... Sorry 'bout that. But, the good news is: I finished a second chapter to something for once :P In case you don't remember or haven't read the first chapter of this, here be the link: http://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/905083.html#cutid1
I think this chapter is a bit less interesting and a bit more... I dunno how to describe it, but I generaly think the first chapter was more of a "wow, that catches your attention!" than this one, but that's mostly because the cliff-hanger :P For this one, just enjoy the aftermath of said cliffhanger.
Oh, and lastly, enyoy the read!
Pause lay in his bed, lights still on in his room because he wasn’t in the right mindset to even do such a simple task like turning them off. The pillows and blankets and sheets around his curled-up form all were nearly drenched in tears from the sheer amount of crying he’d been doing in the last few hours. As soon as he got home, he sprinted up the stairs to avoid being questioned by his mother, locked his bedroom door, and laid down among the sheets to cry because of what he’d just done, his regret for it, and the truth in Etho’s words that made it hurt so much more than any other taunt that had ever been thrown at him.
Pause knew Etho didn't mean to make it that painful. He'd probably just been doing what he always did; taunt him playfully and then eventually after some more taunting and teasing, they'd make up and get over any of the inconsequential things they'd said. But it was so much worse for the one little statement he'd said than any of the hundreds, maybe even thousands of other snarky, teasing, or aggravating things that he'd ever said to Pause.
"He's right, though..." Pause sniffled out quietly once the sobs quieted down momentarily. "I-I'm not a 'lady killer,' just like he said. I only get guys at school... And I-I just keep telling myself that it's them, not me, and I don't want to hurt them, b-but I... I can't tell myself that I really am... Like that. I only get guys, not because they're the only ones i ever see, but because I... I want that... I-" Pause's voice broke and the sobs came back, wracking his whole body and draining his tears into the sheets even more. He was surprised he hadn't run out of tears to give at this point, for how long he'd been in his room.
“Sorry, Etho," Pause choked out, tears and the pit in his stomach constricting his throat, barely able to speak because he was scared that Etho wouldn't forgive him. But on the porch, Etho had heard the whole thing. He had heard every word, every sob, every tear fall from his friend's eyes. Etho got up in an instant and appeared in Pause's bedroom only a few feet away from his bed. Etho's sudden appearance startled Pause, who nearly leapt backwards in surprise, his head shooting up, clearly showing Etho how much Pause really had been crying in the time before he'd been close enough to hear. His face was bright red and flushed, his eyes were equally as red and were very puffy, and his nose looked irritated as well, probably from the tissues, Etho noticed. There was easily enough on the ground next to his bed for two boxes, if not more.
"Pause, I'm so sorry," Etho said, tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes at the state he'd reduced his friend to. "I'm so so sorry for saying that. And anything else I've ever said. I'm so so-" Pause held up his finger to Etho's lips to silence him, tears flowing down his cheeks, but a smile on his face despite the obvious emotional pain he was in.
"Etho, please, don't apologize for it. I think I needed a wake up call, to keep me from continuing to say that 'I'll go ask out that girl from the gym tomorrow night,' or 'hey, she's pretty cute, huh?' I-I've more or less accepted the fact that, well, I’m going to be the way I am, and I guess I'll have to deal with any consequences that come with that." Pause saying something so positive in the outlook of the whole situation just snapped something inside Etho, and he fell to the floor, tears beginning to flow from his eyes as well. Pause got down off of his bed and sat on the floor next to Etho, wiping away the tears, which made Etho's eyes widen in surprise.
"Don't move your eyes if you don't want me to poke them, Etho!" Pause joked, sending them both into a fit of giggles, despite it not really being funny, but they both just laughed and they laughed and cried and eventually Pause went over to Etho and pulled him into a tight embrace, so they sat in the embrace in silence but for sniffles and the rustle of cloth as one of them moved to wipe their noses or more tears.
"Pause? Are you alright in there? You've been crying for so long, and then you started laughing all of the sudden and you keep talking to yourself. I just want to make sure you're okay, honey, so, please, open the door," she asked, concern in her voice. At the sound of his mothers voice, Pause's arms tightened around Etho almost unbearably so, causing Etho to begin to gasp and sputter for air after a moment.
"Oh my gosh, Etho! I'm sorry!" Pause cried out, not even caring that his mother could hear him. Etho felt the death grip on him fade back to a more comfortable tightness, and Etho nodded his that he was alright, still sucking in air with deep breaths to refill his lungs after the sudden pressure of Pause tightening his arms around him.
"Pause, please, stop talking to no one and come out here. I'm worried about you," his mother said, still in a worried and caring gone, but with more force this time, especially when she mentioned him "talking to no one."
"Mom, I'm not talking to no one!" Pause shouted indignantly in reply, a small huff coming from his mother when she heard his tone.
"Pause, there's no such thing as these little imaginary friends you say you have. They don't exist. Now get out of your room. Now."
Pause felt a huge burst of anger bubbling up inside of him at her comment. Etho was real, and his best friend!
“HE’S NOT IMAGINARY!” Pause roared, making Etho recoil away from the sudden increase in his voice’s volume, and his mother to back away from Pause’s door in surprise before stepping forward again, a stream of threats directed at Pause for yelling at her and disobeying her command to come out of his room.
Pause didn’t hear any of it. He took comfort in Etho’s presence, like he was a safety blanket, and he clutched to Etho’s chest, despite being quite a bit larger than Etho. Etho provided Pause the comfort he needed, quietly whispering words of kindness into Pause’s ear to drown out what his mother was saying, because Etho heard it, and he certainly didn’t want his friend to hear it.
If only I hadn’t said that to him, Etho thought, a slight frown forming in his lips. If only I wasn’t just a bystander… Etho shook away the last of his regret, returning to the more important task. By now, Pause was hearing what his mother was saying, throwing threats to ground him for months, years, even for life, and Pause began to speak up, trying to right the anger he’d caused.
“I’m sorry, mom, I just don’t want to come out right now. Seth ended up being a bad date, and I’ve been in a bad mood since then. I’m sorry I made you angry.” Both knew Pause was lying, but almost immediately, Pause’s mother’s words changed from harsh and scathing to comforting and apologetic.
“Oh, Pause, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know that’s what was going on! Will you please forgive me?” she asked him, and Pause looked to Etho for a moment, then got up and unlocked the door, stepping out to give his mother a hug to repair the hurt they inadvertently caused each other.
Etho watched the family moment with a touch of longing, wishing he wasn’t just who he was so he could have someone who truly cared about him like Pause’s mother did about him. That’s not fair of me, he scolded himself. I know Pause cares. He just might not like to show it very often, even though he knows I know what he’s thinking about. He decided to step out and give them a while to recover, so he left for a bit, leaving Pause and his mother to spend a good portion of the rest of the day having a bonding time as a family.
I think this chapter is a bit less interesting and a bit more... I dunno how to describe it, but I generaly think the first chapter was more of a "wow, that catches your attention!" than this one, but that's mostly because the cliff-hanger :P For this one, just enjoy the aftermath of said cliffhanger.
Oh, and lastly, enyoy the read!
Pause lay in his bed, lights still on in his room because he wasn’t in the right mindset to even do such a simple task like turning them off. The pillows and blankets and sheets around his curled-up form all were nearly drenched in tears from the sheer amount of crying he’d been doing in the last few hours. As soon as he got home, he sprinted up the stairs to avoid being questioned by his mother, locked his bedroom door, and laid down among the sheets to cry because of what he’d just done, his regret for it, and the truth in Etho’s words that made it hurt so much more than any other taunt that had ever been thrown at him.
Pause knew Etho didn't mean to make it that painful. He'd probably just been doing what he always did; taunt him playfully and then eventually after some more taunting and teasing, they'd make up and get over any of the inconsequential things they'd said. But it was so much worse for the one little statement he'd said than any of the hundreds, maybe even thousands of other snarky, teasing, or aggravating things that he'd ever said to Pause.
"He's right, though..." Pause sniffled out quietly once the sobs quieted down momentarily. "I-I'm not a 'lady killer,' just like he said. I only get guys at school... And I-I just keep telling myself that it's them, not me, and I don't want to hurt them, b-but I... I can't tell myself that I really am... Like that. I only get guys, not because they're the only ones i ever see, but because I... I want that... I-" Pause's voice broke and the sobs came back, wracking his whole body and draining his tears into the sheets even more. He was surprised he hadn't run out of tears to give at this point, for how long he'd been in his room.
“Sorry, Etho," Pause choked out, tears and the pit in his stomach constricting his throat, barely able to speak because he was scared that Etho wouldn't forgive him. But on the porch, Etho had heard the whole thing. He had heard every word, every sob, every tear fall from his friend's eyes. Etho got up in an instant and appeared in Pause's bedroom only a few feet away from his bed. Etho's sudden appearance startled Pause, who nearly leapt backwards in surprise, his head shooting up, clearly showing Etho how much Pause really had been crying in the time before he'd been close enough to hear. His face was bright red and flushed, his eyes were equally as red and were very puffy, and his nose looked irritated as well, probably from the tissues, Etho noticed. There was easily enough on the ground next to his bed for two boxes, if not more.
"Pause, I'm so sorry," Etho said, tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes at the state he'd reduced his friend to. "I'm so so sorry for saying that. And anything else I've ever said. I'm so so-" Pause held up his finger to Etho's lips to silence him, tears flowing down his cheeks, but a smile on his face despite the obvious emotional pain he was in.
"Etho, please, don't apologize for it. I think I needed a wake up call, to keep me from continuing to say that 'I'll go ask out that girl from the gym tomorrow night,' or 'hey, she's pretty cute, huh?' I-I've more or less accepted the fact that, well, I’m going to be the way I am, and I guess I'll have to deal with any consequences that come with that." Pause saying something so positive in the outlook of the whole situation just snapped something inside Etho, and he fell to the floor, tears beginning to flow from his eyes as well. Pause got down off of his bed and sat on the floor next to Etho, wiping away the tears, which made Etho's eyes widen in surprise.
"Don't move your eyes if you don't want me to poke them, Etho!" Pause joked, sending them both into a fit of giggles, despite it not really being funny, but they both just laughed and they laughed and cried and eventually Pause went over to Etho and pulled him into a tight embrace, so they sat in the embrace in silence but for sniffles and the rustle of cloth as one of them moved to wipe their noses or more tears.
"Pause? Are you alright in there? You've been crying for so long, and then you started laughing all of the sudden and you keep talking to yourself. I just want to make sure you're okay, honey, so, please, open the door," she asked, concern in her voice. At the sound of his mothers voice, Pause's arms tightened around Etho almost unbearably so, causing Etho to begin to gasp and sputter for air after a moment.
"Oh my gosh, Etho! I'm sorry!" Pause cried out, not even caring that his mother could hear him. Etho felt the death grip on him fade back to a more comfortable tightness, and Etho nodded his that he was alright, still sucking in air with deep breaths to refill his lungs after the sudden pressure of Pause tightening his arms around him.
"Pause, please, stop talking to no one and come out here. I'm worried about you," his mother said, still in a worried and caring gone, but with more force this time, especially when she mentioned him "talking to no one."
"Mom, I'm not talking to no one!" Pause shouted indignantly in reply, a small huff coming from his mother when she heard his tone.
"Pause, there's no such thing as these little imaginary friends you say you have. They don't exist. Now get out of your room. Now."
Pause felt a huge burst of anger bubbling up inside of him at her comment. Etho was real, and his best friend!
“HE’S NOT IMAGINARY!” Pause roared, making Etho recoil away from the sudden increase in his voice’s volume, and his mother to back away from Pause’s door in surprise before stepping forward again, a stream of threats directed at Pause for yelling at her and disobeying her command to come out of his room.
Pause didn’t hear any of it. He took comfort in Etho’s presence, like he was a safety blanket, and he clutched to Etho’s chest, despite being quite a bit larger than Etho. Etho provided Pause the comfort he needed, quietly whispering words of kindness into Pause’s ear to drown out what his mother was saying, because Etho heard it, and he certainly didn’t want his friend to hear it.
If only I hadn’t said that to him, Etho thought, a slight frown forming in his lips. If only I wasn’t just a bystander… Etho shook away the last of his regret, returning to the more important task. By now, Pause was hearing what his mother was saying, throwing threats to ground him for months, years, even for life, and Pause began to speak up, trying to right the anger he’d caused.
“I’m sorry, mom, I just don’t want to come out right now. Seth ended up being a bad date, and I’ve been in a bad mood since then. I’m sorry I made you angry.” Both knew Pause was lying, but almost immediately, Pause’s mother’s words changed from harsh and scathing to comforting and apologetic.
“Oh, Pause, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know that’s what was going on! Will you please forgive me?” she asked him, and Pause looked to Etho for a moment, then got up and unlocked the door, stepping out to give his mother a hug to repair the hurt they inadvertently caused each other.
Etho watched the family moment with a touch of longing, wishing he wasn’t just who he was so he could have someone who truly cared about him like Pause’s mother did about him. That’s not fair of me, he scolded himself. I know Pause cares. He just might not like to show it very often, even though he knows I know what he’s thinking about. He decided to step out and give them a while to recover, so he left for a bit, leaving Pause and his mother to spend a good portion of the rest of the day having a bonding time as a family.
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Date: Friday, April 10th, 2015 06:17 pm (UTC)I fricken love this so much, everything is so great. <333 :)
I feel so bad for Pause, but at the same time I know he needs to accept his being gay, or it'll only hurt more.
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Date: Monday, April 13th, 2015 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, April 13th, 2015 12:50 am (UTC)Sunkistyoshi
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Date: Monday, April 13th, 2015 05:47 am (UTC)