Fic: Going away
Sunday, March 15th, 2015 08:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sleepypanda posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
mindcracklove*waves* It has been awhile since I have been on here, and so I come with a gfit of sorts.
"Oh come now, you two are worrying more then our parents." tucked away in a place they claimed as their own, three siblings sat against each other, watching as the sun cast patterns with the leaves.
"But what if you don't come back....what are we going to do?" the middle child stared up at the eldest, any trace of the usual mischief wiped clean with only concern. Warm hands cupped their face, as a smile is pressed gently to their forehead, relaxing the tension only slightly.
"Life will go on, and I promise you I will do my very best to get back to you. Even if I have to walk through deserts and swim through entire oceans."
"Pinkie promise?" the youngest reached out unhappy as well, not fully understanding why they couldn't join the eldest as well.
"Pinkie promise, you can't get rid of me that easily," hooking their pinkies together the eldest grinned, "I solemnly swear that I will come back to these two little monsters with all my might."
Laughter echoed through the area as protests came up from the words.
"We are not monsters!!!"
"Yeah, so mean!"
"Ok ok, to these two sweet and innocent angels, happy now?" they could only roll their eyes as the younger two happily agreed with it, "Now come on, dinner should be ready. And I am not leaving just yet."
When they did leave, the two waited for many months. Letters and reports from soldiers who came back were their only clues to how the elder was doing. Until battered, and worn the other was back.
"I told you I would keep my promise."
Years later they are all older, and one short. A casket is lowered into the ground, and flowers are tossed before it is buried away. This time war has claimed its victim, but not with poisoned tipped arrows, or heavy swinging swords or even magic. But with falling mortar and stone, all because of a invading army and a deftly thrown dagger.
A/N: So this in a way is related to a fic I posted a looooooonnnnggg whillllleeee. Goodness it has been about over a year. So you might want to go here to have a feel of it: http://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/534450.html
This could either refer to two sets of siblings mentioned in the mentioned fic: Pak, Nebris and MC oorr Beef, Pause, and Etho. I am hoping to maybe add more to this, but I guess we will see.
"Oh come now, you two are worrying more then our parents." tucked away in a place they claimed as their own, three siblings sat against each other, watching as the sun cast patterns with the leaves.
"But what if you don't come back....what are we going to do?" the middle child stared up at the eldest, any trace of the usual mischief wiped clean with only concern. Warm hands cupped their face, as a smile is pressed gently to their forehead, relaxing the tension only slightly.
"Life will go on, and I promise you I will do my very best to get back to you. Even if I have to walk through deserts and swim through entire oceans."
"Pinkie promise?" the youngest reached out unhappy as well, not fully understanding why they couldn't join the eldest as well.
"Pinkie promise, you can't get rid of me that easily," hooking their pinkies together the eldest grinned, "I solemnly swear that I will come back to these two little monsters with all my might."
Laughter echoed through the area as protests came up from the words.
"We are not monsters!!!"
"Yeah, so mean!"
"Ok ok, to these two sweet and innocent angels, happy now?" they could only roll their eyes as the younger two happily agreed with it, "Now come on, dinner should be ready. And I am not leaving just yet."
When they did leave, the two waited for many months. Letters and reports from soldiers who came back were their only clues to how the elder was doing. Until battered, and worn the other was back.
"I told you I would keep my promise."
Years later they are all older, and one short. A casket is lowered into the ground, and flowers are tossed before it is buried away. This time war has claimed its victim, but not with poisoned tipped arrows, or heavy swinging swords or even magic. But with falling mortar and stone, all because of a invading army and a deftly thrown dagger.
A/N: So this in a way is related to a fic I posted a looooooonnnnggg whillllleeee. Goodness it has been about over a year. So you might want to go here to have a feel of it: http://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/534450.html
This could either refer to two sets of siblings mentioned in the mentioned fic: Pak, Nebris and MC oorr Beef, Pause, and Etho. I am hoping to maybe add more to this, but I guess we will see.
no subject
Date: Monday, March 16th, 2015 01:32 pm (UTC)As for the story you brought with you, I have mixed feelings about it.
If I considder it a writing exercise, then it's allright for what it is. As a Fanfiction however, it falls short on one of the most importand aspects for those: recognition value.
Even with your old story in mind, there is nothing here that identifies this. Not the world, and definately not the characters. The fact that those lack all personality to represent two possible sets of people is what hurts this the most. Not only can the reader not identify with any of the characters based on who they are, they also can not identify with any of them based on how they act. With the result that, as a reader, you don't care about any of them.
Which really is the last thing any writer wants XD'
I can understand why you chose to write it like this. If pulled of well, freedom of choice / readers imagination can be an extremely powerfull tool in writing. But it is also one of the most difficult ones to handle, as the chance of failiure is high.
My suggestion for you:
If you can't give the reader facts that they need for one reason or an other, give them something else to focus on. Write it so that they could still care about characters they have never met. Add character, if you can't add personality.
no subject
Date: Monday, March 16th, 2015 06:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, March 17th, 2015 04:26 am (UTC)The time war has claimed its victim? No, it says this. Brain. Please stop fandoming. It makes it hard to read!
Oh, hai. I wasn't talking to myself, no. Good story. I'll go now.
no subject
Date: Tuesday, March 17th, 2015 05:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, March 17th, 2015 05:56 am (UTC)