Tech Support - Guano

[clashofdemonesense]

Yellow, yellow! There is no yellow in this story! Just red and green. So! This is a thing that was a prompt somewhere a long while ago, and I had the idea to just go ahead and do it. Hope everyone enyoys it. (Not Valentines themed, despite me posting it on Valentines Day :P)

So, since I made it in the form of old phone records (or what I assume they'd be like), the text isn't separated by a line. Instead, I separated the change in talking by the colors (Guude is the green (duh :P) and JSano is the red). Sorry if that's not something you like, but I think it works in this case. Black stuff is just the dates and times from the phone records.

-- Call Start - 10:37:42, 5/10/14--

“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you today?”
“Hi, I, uh… We’re having some issues with the internet at my house, and I need some help figuring out what the issue is.”
“Alright. Do you need me to send someone out there to help you, or-”
“No, I think I got it myself, I just need to figure out what’s causing it.”
“Okay… How’s the router, then?”
--Call Audio Not Recorded Further. Call Ended - 11:40:23, 5/10/14--

--Call Start - 12:48:57, 5/11/14--

“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”
“Oh. Hi again. I think you were the guy helping me with my internet problems yesterday, right?”
“Yeah! Hi. How’d it work out?”
“Still not working right, but you could probably guess since I had to call y’all again.”

“*laughter* Yeah, suppose you’re right. Same issue still?”
“Yeah. Connection isn’t reaching the house because of some interference somewhere.”
“Well, let’s take another try, shall we? First off, let’s check on the receiving end of the signal. If it’s damaged, that could certainly be the cause.”
“Alright. I’ll go out and check on that. It’ll be a minute, so I’ll call you back if you need to take care of a different call.”
“Oh, no. It’s been a pretty slow week up here, so there’s no need for that.”
“Ah, okay. Is… there anything you need me to do with the receiver before we get into checking it?”
“If you don’t want to stand outside for a few minutes while you look, you can shut off the power to it and bring the whole thing back to your house. Other than that, it should be perfectly safe to look at it.”
“Alright… Here we are, the receiver… Just open it?”
“Just open it”
“FUCKING!-”
“Whoa! Are you okay?”
“Sorry. That fuc- dang thing electrocuted me when I tried to open it just now. Then the door of it blew off and almost hit me.”
“What!? Okay, go turn off the power. That’s not supposed to happen.”
“I’ll say. Never had my internet connection try and kill me before.”
“*laughter* You don’t need to try and censor yourself, you know. I think in a situation like this, it was pretty warranted.”
“Don’t y’all record these calls or something?”
“Yeah, but who’s going to look at silly call records when over 400 calls get recorded each day?”
“True enough *laughter* Fucking scared the hell out of me when the door blew off.”
“*laughter* I’d bet. Let’s just hope it’s not busted.”
“Yeah, guy…. Shit, that’d cost at least 500 to replace, wouldn’t it?”
“Somewhere around there. But, having you be safe is much more important.”
“Huh? I- I guess it is… Thanks for sayin’ so.”
--Call Audio Not Recorded Further. Call Ended - 13:37:48, 5/11/14--

--Call Start - 16:14:23, 5/15/14--
“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”
“Hey, guy…”
“Oh, hey. Something the matter?”
“*sigh* Yeah… Doesn’t have anything to do with the internet issue, so I won’t bother you with it.”
“If you say so… Did you go and get the replacement parts you needed for the receiver?”
“Fuck… No, I forgot… *sigh* Man, I’m telling ya, being in a relationship… Nevermind. Don’t want to be a downer on your day if you have a nice girlfriend.”
“Yeah… You’re all good, don’t worry, uh…. I just realized that neither of us know each other’s names, and we’ve been on a call multiple times already. That’s sorta embarrassing… I’m supposed to do that on the first call usually.”
“It’s fine, guy. The name’s Jason. You?”
“Jeff.”
“Nice to… well, not meet you, since we already know each other, so I guess it’s more ‘It’s nice to know your name now.’ Jeff… It’s a nice name.”
“Thanks. Jason’s a really awesome name, too. And, yeah, I guess it is nice to know each other’s names finally.”
“I’m gonna go get those parts now, if you don’t mind, Jeff… Talk to ya when I get all of em.”
“Sure thing, Jason. Give us a call whenever you need help.”
--Call Ended - 16:17:45, 5/15/14--

--Call Start - 23:12:56, 5/17/14--
“Hello, thank you fo-”
“Hey, Jeff….”
“Oh, Jason! Sorry, regular company greeting and all. Something the matter? You sound more down than last time.”
“Yeah… Something stupid, I won’t bother you with it. I got all the parts, though…”
“Jason, I don’t think if something’s been bothering you since a few days ago, it’s ‘nothing’ or ‘stupid.’ If you need to talk it out, I’m here.”
“I thought your job was a tech support guy, not some stupid psychologist…”
“I’d rather help people then make sure their stuff is fixed, Jason. Just let it out if you need to.”
“*sigh* Alright… Well, my girlfriend dumped me a few days ago… Said I was spending so much time doing all this stuff to fix the internet that she felt like I wasn’t even the same person anymore. And what makes it worse is that I don’t have like some stupid job where I go to work or anything. I work from home, online.”
“Oh. Yeah, internet being out wouldn’t be great for that at all.”
“That’s what I told her! And she just insisted that I was some huge dick for not spending time with her while I was fixing what even kept us with a steady income! It’s not like her stupid job as a waitress was paying the damn bills for this stupid house.”
“Well, I think that she certainly missed out on a great person if you were worried for both of your sakes and she couldn’t see it. You deserve better than some attention whore, so, as much as it hurts, I think you’ll find some other girl out there that’s better than her by a long shot.”
“Ya think?”
“I know, Jason.”
“Hmm… Thanks, guy. And you definitely got one part of her right.”
“Huh?”
“Definitely a whore.”
--Call Audio Not Recorded Further. Call End - 01:59:31, 5/18/14--

--Call Start - 09:45:24, 5/19/14--

“Hello, thank you-”
“Hey, Jeff!”
“Jason! How’s it going, man?”
“Internet’s still a bit spotty, but it’s back up enough for me to start working again. Thanks, man, for everything.”
“Oh, of course, Jason! I’m happy that everything worked out for you!”
“Well, everything except-”
“Jason. Remember. She’s not worth it. You’ll get someone better.”
“Yeah… Thanks. You’re an amazing friend, man, probably one of the best friends I have, and I haven’t even met you!”
“Thanks, Jason. That’s really nice of you to say. I feel the same.”
“So, you need to ask me all those stupid consumer response questions and shit now, since the internet’s back on?”
“Probably sometime soon. But, let’s wait until the internet’s totally back again.”
“Right. Any chance you could help with that?”
“*the ghostbusters theme begins to play over the phone* If you need help with your internet, who you gonna call, Jason?”

“*laughter* Oh my god, Jeff, stop. I can’t breathe!”
“*laughter* Your laugh is hilarious, Jason! Stop laughing, you’re making me laugh!”
“That was fucking perfect! Holy crap, I’m dying.”
“People are looking over because I’m laughing.”
“*coughs, and begins laughing again* God damn it, Jeff!”
“Stop laughing, Jason! *more laughter*”
--Call Audio Not Recorded Further. Call Ended - 13: 52:19, 5/19/14--

--Call Start - 17:44:32, 5/20/14--

“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. This is Jeff. How may I help you?”
“Hey, you actually said your name this time!”
“Hi, Jason. Yeah, finally got it right in a call with you.”
“So, the internet’s all fixed up, and it feels like it’s running better than it was before I had to get it fixed even.”
“That’s amazing! Alright, I guess it’s questionnaire time. You ready to do that?”
“That’s why I called. I have some free time today, so why the hell not, right?”
“I suppose so. Alright… Question one: How were you treated while being helped by tech support?”
--Call Audio Not Recorded--

“That takes care of all of them, then. It was a lot of fun talking to you, Jason. Hopefully we can talk again, maybe this time it won’t take you being unable to work to make it happen.”
“Yeah, hope so. See ya around, Jeff.”
--Call Ended - 19:29:54, 5/20/14

--Call Start - 18:54:21, 5/30/14

“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. My name is-”
“Jeff, how may I help you?”
“Jason! *laughs a bit* How’s it going?”
“Going pretty well. Just having some technical difficulties with my… Mainframe. Do ya think you could help with it?”
“Of course, Jason. That’s what my job is, after all.”
“Thanks, Jeff. You’re sw- uch a lifesaver! Lifesaver… I said lifesaver…”
“Huh? I didn’t think you said anything else.”
“I- I didn’t? Sorry about that. Anyway, thanks.”
“Alright… What seems to be the problem with the mainframe?”
Well, uh… It’s making some whirring noises it wasn’t last week.”
--Call Audio Not Further Recorded. Call Ended - 20:31:53, 5/30/14--

--Call Start - 16:44:21, 6/2/14--

“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. This is Jeff, how may I help you?”
“Hey, Jeff. Jason again.”
“Hi! How’s it going? Mainframe doing okay?”
“Mainframe…? Oh, yeah! Yeah, it’s doing fine.”
“So, what’re you calling for this time, man?”
“The… disc drive isn’t reading anything right…”
“You sure? You don’t sound like that’s the only thing.”
“No, that’s it.”
“Sure?”
“I’m sure. Can you help?”
“Well, of course I can help, Jason! Let’s start with checking the laser reader.”
--Call Audio Not Further Recorded. Call Ended - 21:03:45, 6/2/14--

--Call Start - 09:52:12, 6/4/14--

“Hello, thank you for-”

*line disconnects*
“Hello? Um… Okay then…”
--Call Ended - 09:52:23, 6/4/14--

--Call Start - 15:36:49, 6/7/14--

“Hello, thank you for calling tech support. This is Jeff, how may I help you?”
“Man, I just can’t fucking do it!”
“Jason? What’s wrong?”
“No! It’s not that easy to just go up to someone and say that! That’s the whole reason I called you, dumbass!”
“What? Uh…”
“You think telling someone you’re in love is easy!? No, no, no, you’re fucking joking right?”
“Jason! Can you please explain what’s going on?”
“Okay! Whatever…. Sorry to waste your time, guy…”
*line disconnect on Jason’s end*
“Jason? Jason! Hello?”
“*fabric rustles* Jeff!? Holy shit! Uh… what happened?”
“I have no clue. I picked up my phone, and I heard you talking, but it seemed like you were talking to someone else.”
“I, uh… How much did you hear?”
“Just from when you were saying it’s not easy to tell someone you’re in love with them.”
“*sigh* Thank God…”
“What?”
“Nothing!”

“Okay… So, I guess since I’m here, do you have anything that’s in need of a fix?”
“Uh, no.. I don’t think so.”
“Okay. Well, talk to ya later, I guess.”
“Yeah.. See ya, Jeff…”
--Call Ended - 15:41: 34, 6/10/14--

--Call Start - 13:45:24, 6/12/14--

“Hello, th-”
“Jeff?”
“Jason! Hi!”
“Hi… I-I was calling to ask if you had some recommendations for… how to fix a disc reader.”
“Didn’t you need help with that last week? I thought you said it was working fine when you were done.”
“Oh, yeah… I meant that the monitor was on the fritz… Could you help with that?”
“I suppose I could… You’re kinda acting a bit… odd today…”
“Odd? I’m not acting odd. Why would I be acting odd?”
“Okay, now I know something’s up. Let me guess, no monitor issues?”
“No…”
“Then what’s this about, Jason? You’ve been acting all weird when we’ve been on calls the last few times and I’d like to know.”
“*sigh* I… I have a confession to make... “
“What’s that, Jason?”
“I… At first, I genuinely needed help because the internet was broken. But, what kept me calling these last few times… It was because your voice is cute…”
“Jason…?”
“I’m sorry… I’ll go now… *away from the phone* What the hell was I thinking, someone I don’t even know and saying that…”
“Jason! Hold on!”
“Huh? What is it? You just going to make fun of me for being such an idiot? For turning to this after having my girlfriend dump me? For-”
“Jason!”
“What is it!?”
“I have a confession, too.”
“Huh?”
“When we were trying to fix all of your things… I could have told you exactly what to do the first time, but I kept telling you the things not quite right so we could talk longer.”
“Y-you did?”
“Yeah... “
“...”
“...So, do you… want to do dinner some time…?”
“Hell yes, man!”
--Call Audio Not Further Recorded. Call Ended - 16: 52:12, 6/12/14--.

 

Comments

[thezombineer]

Guano is the most hilarious ship name ever. :p

[tdscott8]

Clearly you haven't heard Seth and Vechs ship name (Sechs), or Bdub's and Millbee's (Boobee) xP

Though, yes, Guano is also very funny :3

[thezombineer]

I have heard those. Guano was just funnier at the time :p

And dude. You're like a month late.

[tdscott8]

Indeed, I was re-reading this since it so great, lol

[mooshlovely]

That was so cute <3

And the structure using colors actually worked well I think

[tdscott8]

<3

[queenofderps]

For some reason it felt like Christmas too much and like the little sleigh bells were ringing saying "ITS NOT CHRISTMAS!" then I got to the cute parts... No more sleigh bells. Love the ship name, love the story! <3

[eclipse3]

So cute!