[personal profile] roverdawg posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
Warning! : This is my First FanFic
Please Tell me if I did anything wrong!
And Also This is a Vechs/You, and it is told
though "Your" Eyes, I will try to keep
Readers Pronouns to non-gender based

The Page
Chapter 1
That One Day

Today was that day, two weeks ago you got a slip of paper from your last class of day. You’re in high school, a senior towards the middle of the year, as you looked at the slip, you saw it was about computer games, there were three choices, Dota and League of Legends, Indie games, and then you saw Minecraft and Roblox, and you thought "I wonder who the people representing the games are." You decided it would be someone as big as Guude for Minecraft and a Roblox Staff member, because no one likes that game. You go through a week of a school without notice of slip. But then at the same time you got the first slip, you get another slip and the choices are, GuudeBolderFist, Some Roblox Staff member, and then your inner fan kicks out, you see your favorite mindcracker, Vechs, and you automatically check Vechs line. Then as you go to school one week after the second slip was passed out, then you hear over the intercom," Attention, Would you please report to the Lunch Room for selections." When you get there, they have signs for all the selections, you find the Vechs line and to your surprise, no one is there. When you get to the lady sitting by the book, she says " You’re the only one, I don't need your name." You are dumbfounded, Why did no one know of Vechs? You look over at the Guude line, and it is packed. You guess that Vechs is still not known in mindcrack as well as the founder. When you get to your room, It would normally be your computer lab,you go to the small lab as instructed, you can hear Guude’s group move in the front three labs. You sit down and pull out your laptop, and think "Maybe I can go on the original mindcrack server, but that is a long shot, Guude will be projecting his screen on all of the computers in the labs, via twitch for this." You wait for about 3 or 4 minutes then a tall, white man walks in with goggles on his head "Dang, Vechs must be in really happy for this." He sits down and says "Hello!, I see that you’re the only one here, my first attendee." Your brain rocks back and forth, what he means his first attendee, he seems like he has a huge fan base. "HHH........ Hi?" You Stammer out. Damnit, get your act together and talk normally like you would with a friend. "Sorry, hello Vechs, what do you have planned for us today for this?" Now you sound upright ready to go. "Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to cause trouble with Guude's Stream over there, and Guude did give me permission to let you on the actual server, not just the fan server." He says, Unserious about having one lonesome person in a compact room with them having
laptops on their desks.

Date: Friday, January 30th, 2015 04:11 am (UTC)
queenofderps: A circular pattern of dots, some clusters colored (Default)
From: [personal profile] queenofderps
Pretty good! Usually I don't like the reader thing but it's nice otherwise!

Amazing!

Date: Friday, January 30th, 2015 04:17 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
That was amazing! Please write the next chapter ASAP! The only thing that I would do differently is make the chapters a bit longer and include a few more mindcrackers.

Re: Amazing!

Date: Friday, January 30th, 2015 04:18 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
BTW, I would make the first chapter a bit more clear if you know what I mean...

Date: Friday, January 30th, 2015 05:46 am (UTC)
fireredlily: a scribbled drawing of an orange-red lily (Default)
From: [personal profile] fireredlily
Hi there! Everything looks good for your post, the only suggestions I'd make are to keep an eye on your paragraph breaks / formatting, as it's hard to read large walls of text, and to tag your story with the "fanfiction" tag as well as the other relevant tags, such as "mindcracker: vetches" to make it easier for people to find later. :)
Edited Date: Friday, January 30th, 2015 05:47 am (UTC)

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