The Making Of Setho Chapter 2

[queenofderps]

 Alright so here is the second part I edited. Again if I do something wrong let me know. So yeah uhm Hi! 

Etho POV:
Seth: are you up to working on something?
Seth: that is if you decided against having an all out redstone war with me
I thought for a few seconds. I haven't really done a project with anybody lately aside from the tour. What was there to loose? I still didn't want to work with a potential enemy but oh well. But I will have to retain this unfriendly act still. Won't hurt him much. Honestly, I just want to keep my standing.
Me: fine, meet me at my base in an hour out of game time.
Seth: sounds like a deal to me

I ate a quick breakfast and hurried back to my desk of monitors and gadgets. Even if I wasn't trying to be nice, being late could ruin my reputation in general.

_\|/_

"One more loop to go!" Seth's cheery voice seemed to get less annoying and more admirable over time. Wait I did not just say that about my enemy. Then again, he really does have some skills. I watch as he configures the last of the routes for the food.

"Aaaaaand the sugar should be getting here swiftly for the people to enjoy their sweets!" I suppressed a giggle, yes a giggle, at the way he said 'and'. It was kinda funny the way he drew out the first part and then abruptly said the second half. I hear the sound of a button being pressed and the click of the droppers for randomization and delivery. The goal is to make it so you get a full meal that is at twenty hunger points, to fill up your bar, but also keeping it random. It also was like an actual meal with all the different components. I saw a steak, a slice of bread, two potatoes, a golden apple, and finally some sort of sky blue potion that ended up being speed.

"It works! Nice job Seth!" I say before I can filter out my kind remark. This was a break in the recording while we debugged it. My plans always fail when it involves me keeping my mind set.

"Uhh thanks?" Seth questioned. He had just tried the system again and it really does work. It always gives one meat item, one or more vegetable and fruit items, one bread loaf, a dessert and of course water, milk, or a potion for a drink.

"Etho?" Seth piped.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you nice now?"

"Because I wanted to be." I lied. I don't really know to be honest. There's just something about Seth that I can't put a finger on.

"Alright then. So no more 'I'm gonna defend my position' now?"

"No more I guess. Still no promises but if we are allies there's nothing to worry about Seth." I answered semi-truthfully. I don't think I will ever not be his ally. There must just be a like-able aura to him, especially since I don't want to stop the recording and thus the Skype call.

"Oh."

Seth POV:

"Oh."

I tried not to sound to disappointed but I could not hide the emotions from showing. I don't know where they even came from.
"Don't sound so sad! I'm just saying not to make an enemy out of me."

Why was Etho acting so nice? And not just nice but awkward? I hear him clear his throat. By now both of us are logged off and just rendering our videos while on Skype.

"There's a convention that Mindcrack has a panel for soon." Etho piped in quietly.

"Oh. Are you going?" I hear a bit of a scuffle like something fell. I hear Etho groan and the chair squeak.

"Uh, I've been thinking about it. I've never shown my face and neither have you really. I thought it might be better if the staring was divided." Etho's voice was quickening by the syllable.

"I guess I could go with the Mindcrackers. I was planning on attending anyway." I blurt out without thinking.

"Well that's nice. We uhm all rent out a house since we stay longer than just the weekend. Is that cool with you?" Etho was acting so strange. Was he nervous?

"Yeah. I think so." I almost slap myself for answering so quickly.

"I'll let Guude know and send you the details alright?" He breathed. What is with him today?

"Ok. Bye I guess!"

_\|/_

Three weeks have passed since that recording with Etho. I want to talk to him more than our now routine of collaborating every few days. I have grown to like him more than I expected. I absentmindedly pack, not caring about my appearance. My usual jeans and a t shirt should do. At least it was the summer. I remember to stuff my swimsuit in the bag. For some reason I keep wondering what Etho looks like. I bet he would look good with only a swimsuit on.

Wait what? What am I saying? I knew we became practically best friends over the last few weeks but not that far. I better tell my brain to shut up while I'm around him. I manage to fall asleep until the time I need to leave for the plane.



Etho POV:
I let my mind wander while packing. My usual skinny jeans, grey converse, and hoodies should do. That way I can pull up the hood if anyone gives me trouble about my headwear. I wear this ninja-like wrapping around my head since I don't like showing my face at all. It was the summer. I remember to neatly fold my swimsuit into the front pouch. For some reason I keep wondering what Seth looks like. I bet he would look good when we went swimming. What?!?? What am I thinking? Seth is more of like a best friend to me now. I better keep control of my brain at the meeting.

_\|/_

I rush off the plane after it lands so that I can get the rental car and get out of this hellhole of a travel center. I manage to push my way to the rental desk, easily carrying my single bag. I eventually work my way through the tedious process of finding which car is mine for the trip. I shove my duffel into the backseat and I see a young man peering around, very much confused.

"Do you need help?" I ask the man.

"Yeah could you give me a lift down a couple of levels they gave me the wrong level and the elevator is broken." He says obviously flustered.

"Sure, I'm going down anyway. Hop in." I throw the paper work in the backseat and drive the unknown man to the second floor instead of the seventh.

"Thank you." He smiled and walked away.

_\|/_

I arrived at the house a half hour early since I took the shorter route. My palms began to sweat. I made sure my face was covered and I yanked the bag out of the tiny car. If I didn't go in now I may never get in. My feet and brain didn't seem to agree as I shuffled up the steps. Just as I reach up to knock on this seemingly large secluded house's door it opens.

"You- must be Etho! Come in!" I nod at Guudes ecstatic greeting.

"We had a flood in the basement rooms so you and Seth will have to share a room. Sorry, we usually have plenty spare but we didn't account for the flood. Don't worry there's two beds. " he chirped. Again, I nod as he leads the way. I can't seem to make my mouth move. He takes me through several halls. This place was fairly big. Not a mansion but enough to fit twenty people comfortably. He stops in front of a dim room at very secluded end of the hall. "Here it is. I do believe Seth should be here late, his plane got delayed an hour." Guude continued to use a perky voice.

"You don't like talking face to face much do you?" Duh Guude, my sarcastic subconscious almost blurts. I shake my head and throw my items down on the bed.

Now to wait for Seth.

{[( So how am I doing so far? With everything closed I got pretty bored and did these revisions today. *crickets* Okay I'm just going to go back to my little cave now..)]}

Comments

[kappa77]

Hello! Pretty okay for a first time at writing a long fic (Lord knows I'm still trying to complete mine), but there were some minor issues I noticed at a glance.

-Reread more closely. I at least saw you use "loose" when you meant "lose" once, but I'm unsure about other common misspellings. A spell checker should be able to detect those, or just writing in Word or Google Docs.

-You switch from past tense to present fairly often. I would not do that as its highly annoying and confusing to the reader.

-In fanfiction, 1st person is generally frowned upon. Most fics you see are in 3rd or even 2nd person. I don't know why that's the general consensus, but it just makes your writing ...nicer.

-POV switches are perfectly fine, but work best as one POV per chapter, typically switching between 2 characters every chapter. It's much clearer to the reader, especially in 3rd person.

-Also to avoid confusion, thoughts should either be treated like dialogue with "..." around them, or italicized.

Other than that, description , description, description! You've already done some of that, but adding more would make it better. Increase what you already have to completely immerse your reader by describing setting, thoughts, emotions/feelings, actions, and appearances. Find your happy medium between description and dialogue.

[drippingneon]

To add on to the POV stuff, I think the reason first person is not so good is because with fan fiction you usually are switching from character to character's POV. It makes it confusing for the reader, because their brain can't tell who your talking about, whereas with third person you can literally say (insert name here) is doing (insert action here). But, first person feels more realistic and is good for something like horror, with a focus on one character. Third person is much more flexible, not only can you jump from character to character easily, you can also choose which character's thoughts you wish to show. You can show everyone's thoughts through a God-ish-like perspective, or you could focus on one character, or you can even show no thoughts at all! I find that showing no thoughts is good for quick, funny dialogue, because thoughts make things seem quite serious.

Anyhow, that was my ramble. If this helped you, your welcome. If this confused you even more, well, I don't know. If you feel neutral, your probably a robot. :D

[queenofderps]

I've put this project in my "maybe later" for now since its almost hopeless editing. Honestly I probably shouldn't have been writing all night sometimes... Anyway this was a really old one I found and decided to fix up when I was bored. I've since then Improved my 3 am writing. Thank you for the response though! I may eventually find the effort to essentially re write it since I like the plot (even though it has some holes... ok maybe plot black holes) and I have a fiction essay coming up so maybe I'll rewrite it for that. Not sure my teacher would notice anyway. A better example of my writing that is current and not mostly written and edited by myself drunkenly at three am would be the crimson one but then again it's a bit disturbing. I need to work on that too. :)

[queenofderps]

Thank you! I've been trying to edit this pile of disorganized thoughts I wrote on my phone so it's been a challenge alright. There's not much I can do about the POV changes though since the whole things been written. I smashed the first few shorter chapters together and in the future it'll happen less. I still can't believe how much I managed to write (not very coherently) when my brain was in 'anything goes' mode. The feedback really helps though!

[tdscott8]

This seems to have a lot of potential, but you seem to have the same problem as myself, where there's a lack of detail. There was some, but not enough. I'm working on the same thing currently, so no harm in it. :)