the portal chapter 1

[blue_cats]

Here we start to see everything from Vechs point of view, hope you guys like it.

As they were transported there was a second of darkness. And suddenly the seen changed before Vechs eyes, lookig around he realized that they were in some kind of room filled with boxes. 'This definitely isn't the nether' he thought to himself. Seeing all this he wondered why they had been transported here of all places.

"Its so perfect, oh just look at the flowers!" Aureylain shouted, and jumped the expression of pure joy on her face. 'Wait there are no flowers' Vechs thought giving Aurey a strange look. His thoughts interrupted by MC retorting "There aren't any flowers only lapis!"

"I'm sure its flowers, MC!" She shot back. Him returning with "Nope its definitely lapis!" As they continued arguing. Vechs heard Etho starting to mumble about TNT, and Zisteau about lava.

Vechs gazed around attemping to find what they were talking about, not seeing anything but boxes, he decided to take off his goggles thinking maybe that was the answer, he had been looking for. As the goggles came off the seen in front of him suddenly changed to his test world where he had just left off. Wondering if the goggles did the same for everyone, he shoved them onto Guudes head, hopeful for the best."Everyone shut up!" He yelled then asked politely "So Guude what do you see?"

"Umm.. a room full of boxes I think." Guude answered. 'So it did work' Vechs thought taking the goggles back from Guude.

A sudden crackle interrupted his thoughts as a speaker came on "Zzz.. Yes I see you have figured it out, hmmmm... well then welcome to the portal, a place of deception, a place where you miht die, a place with only one other escape, a place one or several of you built yourself...zzZZ"

  Ok well hope you liked it (yes people might die) d you have a theory of who built it? If you do please tell me who you think it is.

Comments

[ex_writeitinsharpie308]

You did do the cuts this time, however remember to put lines between the dialogue. For example (I'll use a part of this):

'Seeing this all he wondered why they had been transported here of all places. "Its so perfect, oh just look at the flowers!" Aureylain shouted, and jumped the expression of pure joy on her face.'

Instead, use:
'Seeing this all he wondered why they had been transported here of all places.

"Its so perfect, oh just look at the flowers!" Aureylain shouted, and jumped the expression of pure joy on her face.'

Also, for thoughts you use 'these things surrounding this text'

Otherwise, it's a good storyline, and you do have pretty good writing for a starter. (Seriously, my starters were much worse)

-Sharpie

[blue_cats]

Thanks I think the success comes from reading to much I need to go edit now.

[(Anonymous)]

Here we start to see everything from Vechs' point of view, hope you guys like it. 

As they were transported, there was a second of darkness. Suddenly the scene changed before Vechs' eyes. Looking around, he realized that they were in some kind of room filled with boxes.

This definitely isn't the nether, he thought to himself. Seeing all this, he wondered why they had been transported here of all places.

"It's so perfect, oh just look at the flowers!" Aureylian shouted, and jumped with an expression of pure joy.

Wait there are no flowers, Vechs thought, giving Aurey a strange look. His thoughts were interrupted by MC's retort.

"There aren't any flowers, only lapis!"

"I'm sure its flowers, MC!" She shot back. He returned with a "Nope, it's definitely lapis!"

As they continued arguing, Vechs heard Etho starting to mumble about TNT, and Zisteau about lava. Vechs gazed around, attempting to find what they were talking about. Not seeing anything but boxes, he decided to take his goggles off, thinking maybe that was the answer he had been looking for. As the goggles came off, the scene in front of him suddenly changed to his test world where he had just left off. Wondering if the goggles did the same for everyone, he shoved them onto Guude's head, hoping for the best.

"Everyone shut up!" he yelled, then asked politely, "so Guude, what do you see?"

"Umm.. a room full of boxes I think," Guude answered.

So it did work, Vechs thought, taking the goggles back from Guude. A sudden crackle interrupted his thoughts as a speaker came on.

"Zzz.. Yes I see you have figured it out, hmmmm... well then, welcome to the portal, a place of deception, a place where you might die, a place with only one escape, a place one or several of you built yourself...zzZZ..."

Well, hope you liked it (yes people might die), do you have a theory of who built it? If you do please tell me who you think it is.

[blue_cats]

Darn it , not again it removed the spacing!

[cat_in_a_box]

You might want to capitalize the title, but other then that, your story's really good!

[blue_cats]

I'll do that next time I'm feeling lazy so I'm not editing this if its just for the title.