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Hi. Long-time lurker. The idea for this fic bothered me way too much and I don't think it's been done before. So.
Aureylian smiled as she finished the last of her late dinner, satisfied with the fantastic end of a fantastic day. The meat was cooked to golden perfection and the pumpkin sauce added a rich, sweet and creamy flavour to it. She couldn't remember the last time she treated herself to a meal that wasn't hastily cooked; there usually wasn't much time to make a good, filling meal. There were always errands to run, a bit of iron needed, some decorating to do, monsters to fight.. It was refreshing to sit down and occupy herself with just her delicious food. In fact, she might have to do this again sometime. Every month, perhaps? Hm, no, the meat might spoil. Then again.. why couldn't she just get fresh meat?
She smiled again, watching the bright stars through the window.
---
Vechs hurried home as the sun slowly approached the horizon. Rel-rel left a message at his house today, saying she'd like to invite him to dinner. He was half wondering about what exactly she meant, and half excited to spend some time with her. The past couple days have been especially busy - nobody had much time to stop and talk, as everyone was trying to settle in the new area quickly. Vechs himself had been occupied with constructing some of the tunnels and so far, he's done quite a bit of work. He figured he could take some time off, not to mention a good dinner would really hit the spot. He still had some time left before the sun was to set and he would use it to drop off his tools and all the blocks at his house, then head to Aurey's. She'd recently built herself a lovely little abode a quite close to his house. He wasn't certain whether that was intentional or not, but at least it wasn't a long walk there and back.
He knocked on the door and soon enough, Aurey appeared, her face a little flushed. "Hey Vechs! It's great to see you, come in!" She held the door open with one of her sweet smiles on her lovely face, letting him pass through. He smiled in return. "I haven't cooked in a long while, so the dinner's going really slowly. You're gonna have to wait for a little bit, okay?" She closed the door. "That's alright, I can wait." "Great! Please wait in the dining room - it's just down the hall. The food shouldn't take much longer, promise!" she said, dashing back to a room that was clearly designed to be a kitchen. Vechs headed to the dining room, occasionally peeking into the other rooms on the side of the short hall, just out of curiosity. Two things caught his attention when he arrived to its end. The first was the giant, half-overhead window that hosted a wonderful view of the setting sun. The second was not so pleasant. The table and the chairs were piled on one side of the room instead of standing properly in the middle, as any dining room would have them be. A part of the pink carpet was cut out in the middle instead, revealing a trapdoor.
"Uh..Aurey? Is the table supposed to be like this..?" Vechs yelled, his voice slightly trailing off at the end. It was possible she'd just left the trapdoor uncovered by accident, perhaps she simply had too much on her mind. But..why pile the furniture up like this? "What's wrong, Vech- ..oh." Aurey approached the door, perplexed at the room's state. She slowly looked around, her gaze falling on the trapdoor. "Well..I'm pretty sure this is either a prank or someone dug out a cellar for me." She opened the trapdoor, looking down, but seeing only darkness consuming the end of the ladder. Vechs considered it. People would probably ask before digging out a cellar beneath someone's house, but she was right, it could be a prank. Still, something just seemed..off. "C'mon Vetchie, it'll be fun!" she said in her adorable voice and held out her hand, smiling brightly. He was on the verge of arguing, but he knew she'd manage to convince him if she kept talking in that voice. She always did. It was better to just surrender to it. His doubtful look now erased, he took her hand and helped her climb down the ladder before proceeding down himself.
It was a fairly short climb, but he now stood in a pitch black room. He instantly regretted not bringing a torch. "Rel-rel?" Her giggle in response. "Relly bits, I can't see anything down here.." Another giggle, not too far away, somewhere in front of him. "Just follow my voice, dummy! I think I found a passage here." She was still speaking in her adorable voice. "This way!" He couldn't help but giggle himself; it was silly, walking in utter darkness with only a voice to lead him. After a fairly short walk, he finally saw the passage, a door with light seeping underneath its cracks at its end. "Don't be a slowpoke, Vetchie!" How strange - Aurey's voice seemed to be coming from right in front of him, yet she wasn't anywhere to be seen. Surely her body would block the lig-
---
The rest she buried in a ditch. Although it was a waste, she decided she didn't want to get used to the delectable texture of the meat too much. It wasn't something she could have every day, after all. Still, she couldn't stop thinking of who'd she invite over next month. Her adorable voice might not work on everyone, but she was certain there were other ways. There always are.
Don't think I need to restrict this since there's no actual gore or anything, but tell me if you think I do. And, uh..I don't know if there'll ever be a time again when I'm possessed to write things, but I'd still appreciate any and all constructive criticism. Thank you.
Hi. Long-time lurker. The idea for this fic bothered me way too much and I don't think it's been done before. So.
Aureylian smiled as she finished the last of her late dinner, satisfied with the fantastic end of a fantastic day. The meat was cooked to golden perfection and the pumpkin sauce added a rich, sweet and creamy flavour to it. She couldn't remember the last time she treated herself to a meal that wasn't hastily cooked; there usually wasn't much time to make a good, filling meal. There were always errands to run, a bit of iron needed, some decorating to do, monsters to fight.. It was refreshing to sit down and occupy herself with just her delicious food. In fact, she might have to do this again sometime. Every month, perhaps? Hm, no, the meat might spoil. Then again.. why couldn't she just get fresh meat?
She smiled again, watching the bright stars through the window.
---
Vechs hurried home as the sun slowly approached the horizon. Rel-rel left a message at his house today, saying she'd like to invite him to dinner. He was half wondering about what exactly she meant, and half excited to spend some time with her. The past couple days have been especially busy - nobody had much time to stop and talk, as everyone was trying to settle in the new area quickly. Vechs himself had been occupied with constructing some of the tunnels and so far, he's done quite a bit of work. He figured he could take some time off, not to mention a good dinner would really hit the spot. He still had some time left before the sun was to set and he would use it to drop off his tools and all the blocks at his house, then head to Aurey's. She'd recently built herself a lovely little abode a quite close to his house. He wasn't certain whether that was intentional or not, but at least it wasn't a long walk there and back.
He knocked on the door and soon enough, Aurey appeared, her face a little flushed. "Hey Vechs! It's great to see you, come in!" She held the door open with one of her sweet smiles on her lovely face, letting him pass through. He smiled in return. "I haven't cooked in a long while, so the dinner's going really slowly. You're gonna have to wait for a little bit, okay?" She closed the door. "That's alright, I can wait." "Great! Please wait in the dining room - it's just down the hall. The food shouldn't take much longer, promise!" she said, dashing back to a room that was clearly designed to be a kitchen. Vechs headed to the dining room, occasionally peeking into the other rooms on the side of the short hall, just out of curiosity. Two things caught his attention when he arrived to its end. The first was the giant, half-overhead window that hosted a wonderful view of the setting sun. The second was not so pleasant. The table and the chairs were piled on one side of the room instead of standing properly in the middle, as any dining room would have them be. A part of the pink carpet was cut out in the middle instead, revealing a trapdoor.
"Uh..Aurey? Is the table supposed to be like this..?" Vechs yelled, his voice slightly trailing off at the end. It was possible she'd just left the trapdoor uncovered by accident, perhaps she simply had too much on her mind. But..why pile the furniture up like this? "What's wrong, Vech- ..oh." Aurey approached the door, perplexed at the room's state. She slowly looked around, her gaze falling on the trapdoor. "Well..I'm pretty sure this is either a prank or someone dug out a cellar for me." She opened the trapdoor, looking down, but seeing only darkness consuming the end of the ladder. Vechs considered it. People would probably ask before digging out a cellar beneath someone's house, but she was right, it could be a prank. Still, something just seemed..off. "C'mon Vetchie, it'll be fun!" she said in her adorable voice and held out her hand, smiling brightly. He was on the verge of arguing, but he knew she'd manage to convince him if she kept talking in that voice. She always did. It was better to just surrender to it. His doubtful look now erased, he took her hand and helped her climb down the ladder before proceeding down himself.
It was a fairly short climb, but he now stood in a pitch black room. He instantly regretted not bringing a torch. "Rel-rel?" Her giggle in response. "Relly bits, I can't see anything down here.." Another giggle, not too far away, somewhere in front of him. "Just follow my voice, dummy! I think I found a passage here." She was still speaking in her adorable voice. "This way!" He couldn't help but giggle himself; it was silly, walking in utter darkness with only a voice to lead him. After a fairly short walk, he finally saw the passage, a door with light seeping underneath its cracks at its end. "Don't be a slowpoke, Vetchie!" How strange - Aurey's voice seemed to be coming from right in front of him, yet she wasn't anywhere to be seen. Surely her body would block the lig-
---
The rest she buried in a ditch. Although it was a waste, she decided she didn't want to get used to the delectable texture of the meat too much. It wasn't something she could have every day, after all. Still, she couldn't stop thinking of who'd she invite over next month. Her adorable voice might not work on everyone, but she was certain there were other ways. There always are.
Don't think I need to restrict this since there's no actual gore or anything, but tell me if you think I do. And, uh..I don't know if there'll ever be a time again when I'm possessed to write things, but I'd still appreciate any and all constructive criticism. Thank you.
no subject
Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 03:23 pm (UTC)Oh, dang. Anyway, great job! nowpleasedon'teatmeee
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Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 05:59 pm (UTC)Great story, loved the twist ending, and the title is perfect!
A few things.
1-If you're going to write again try separating the paragraphs. It just makes it easier to read.
2-There were a few grammatical errors, and I'm guilty of them too, but try you're best to get rid of as many as possible!
Other than those 2 small things, this was really good! I look forward to seeing more from you, should you wish to write more.
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Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 06:42 pm (UTC)And I'll definitely keep your advice in mind, thank you again!
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Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Saturday, August 9th, 2014 06:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, August 10th, 2014 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, August 10th, 2014 09:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, August 10th, 2014 03:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, August 10th, 2014 10:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, August 10th, 2014 12:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Tuesday, August 12th, 2014 07:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, August 15th, 2014 01:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Sunday, September 14th, 2014 09:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, September 15th, 2014 03:40 am (UTC)