Warlords Chapter 2: Apointments
Tuesday, July 15th, 2014 09:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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mindcrackloveChapter 2 is here! No real violence in this one. Just a founding. ;3.
Guude made his way to Beef's makeshift medical tent. It definitely wasn't clean like he was expecting but a medic is a medic. He started to enter the tent when Pause came out.
"Pause. I'd like for you 3 join up. It's a good cause. I swear."
Pause stared at him with a bit of question in his eyes, "Are you asking us to join up for a cause we don't even know? For all we know, you guys were the invaders!"
Guude looked hurt but kept his calm, "I told Etho. We're setting out for a land of our own. A land for our freedom. The army that attacked us was an army of the Kunàn kingdom. They're hellbent on absorbing as much land and power as they can. That's why they were trying to punish us. We left them."
Pause sunk away from his anger and accusations, "K-Kunàn?"
"Yes, Kunàn, why?" Guude questioned and Pause tensed up.
"Our little group. It was completed about 7 years ago when Beef joined."
"Yeah, Beef, your incredibly strong friend with the doctor skills. What of him?"
"10 years ago, he had a job as a butcher, a wife and kid. Then he lost his wife. To the royal guard of Tâoyàn, the Kunàn capital. She spoke out and they had her silenced. By poisoning her tea. Then they framed him, but since she spoke out, they just stripped him of job, land and status. Then a few years later, his daughter. His own daughter! because he was begging the market goers for any food they can spare. They took her. They killed her Guude. A little girl. It was a few days after when we found him. He was drunk off his ass. Trying to drown his past. We took him out of there. He wants them to pay. All of them. I don't know if we can let him join into this against them. But I would follow Beef to Hell and back. Tell you what. If you can guarantee Beef what he wants, I'll train your men and fight for you."
Guude gave it a thought. "Pause. Thank you. So much. Now, I'll go try to get beef." He stepped past Pause. It all came down to Beef.
He stepped in as Beef pulled an arrow from a leg. "You're done my friend. The limp you'll have will hinder you too much for combat." He began mixing a paste from what looked to be several local plants.
"Um....Beef...." Guude stayed a bit quiet.
"Yes Guude?" He let off without peeking back. Instead he flew about the tent applying the paste and bandages to those that need it and washing out wounds of newer patients.
"Where'd you learn to do that sort of stuff?"
"A child tends to need medical help my friend. Years of gardening help with the plants too."
Guude shuffled a bit. That was the only small talk topic he knew to use. "Can I talk to you in private please?"
Beef glanced back. "I'm a bit busy with your wounded. Go ahead."
Guude sighed. "I'd like for you three to join up. Help our men find a free land of their own. Would you find it in your heart? They're going to need the medicsl help."
"Guude. You're asking me to fight your enemies. Sure, fixing them up once is fine but every battle?"
Guude blurted out. "The armies chasing us belong to the Kunàn!"
Beef dropped the paste, the water, and the bandages. He stood, back turned, silent as the night. Guude started to say something quiet as a mouse when Beef cut in. "I'll help. If you promise me one thing. We storm Tâoyàn and takeout the bastards in the palace. Promise me this." Guude looked at each man and their pain. It was clear, they needed Beef.
"I swear. You'll have my men once they have a homeland." Beef nodded and silently went back to treating wounds.
Guude left the tent and went to find the other two. He found them by the impromptu cafeteria.
"Etho, pause, welcome to Xinlíng movement. They both kind of brushed it off as he grabbed their shoulders. "Etho, I'm appointing you to my strategist. Pause, you're my men's weapons trainer. Beef is gonna be our medic. Maybe chef too." As he looked at the undercooked noodles. He was too happy to care though. His army's luck is finally looking up.
---------------------------
'twas chapter 2! If you made it through than it wasn't to bad, right? RIGHT?! Anyways, feedback me. :)
Guude made his way to Beef's makeshift medical tent. It definitely wasn't clean like he was expecting but a medic is a medic. He started to enter the tent when Pause came out.
"Pause. I'd like for you 3 join up. It's a good cause. I swear."
Pause stared at him with a bit of question in his eyes, "Are you asking us to join up for a cause we don't even know? For all we know, you guys were the invaders!"
Guude looked hurt but kept his calm, "I told Etho. We're setting out for a land of our own. A land for our freedom. The army that attacked us was an army of the Kunàn kingdom. They're hellbent on absorbing as much land and power as they can. That's why they were trying to punish us. We left them."
Pause sunk away from his anger and accusations, "K-Kunàn?"
"Yes, Kunàn, why?" Guude questioned and Pause tensed up.
"Our little group. It was completed about 7 years ago when Beef joined."
"Yeah, Beef, your incredibly strong friend with the doctor skills. What of him?"
"10 years ago, he had a job as a butcher, a wife and kid. Then he lost his wife. To the royal guard of Tâoyàn, the Kunàn capital. She spoke out and they had her silenced. By poisoning her tea. Then they framed him, but since she spoke out, they just stripped him of job, land and status. Then a few years later, his daughter. His own daughter! because he was begging the market goers for any food they can spare. They took her. They killed her Guude. A little girl. It was a few days after when we found him. He was drunk off his ass. Trying to drown his past. We took him out of there. He wants them to pay. All of them. I don't know if we can let him join into this against them. But I would follow Beef to Hell and back. Tell you what. If you can guarantee Beef what he wants, I'll train your men and fight for you."
Guude gave it a thought. "Pause. Thank you. So much. Now, I'll go try to get beef." He stepped past Pause. It all came down to Beef.
He stepped in as Beef pulled an arrow from a leg. "You're done my friend. The limp you'll have will hinder you too much for combat." He began mixing a paste from what looked to be several local plants.
"Um....Beef...." Guude stayed a bit quiet.
"Yes Guude?" He let off without peeking back. Instead he flew about the tent applying the paste and bandages to those that need it and washing out wounds of newer patients.
"Where'd you learn to do that sort of stuff?"
"A child tends to need medical help my friend. Years of gardening help with the plants too."
Guude shuffled a bit. That was the only small talk topic he knew to use. "Can I talk to you in private please?"
Beef glanced back. "I'm a bit busy with your wounded. Go ahead."
Guude sighed. "I'd like for you three to join up. Help our men find a free land of their own. Would you find it in your heart? They're going to need the medicsl help."
"Guude. You're asking me to fight your enemies. Sure, fixing them up once is fine but every battle?"
Guude blurted out. "The armies chasing us belong to the Kunàn!"
Beef dropped the paste, the water, and the bandages. He stood, back turned, silent as the night. Guude started to say something quiet as a mouse when Beef cut in. "I'll help. If you promise me one thing. We storm Tâoyàn and takeout the bastards in the palace. Promise me this." Guude looked at each man and their pain. It was clear, they needed Beef.
"I swear. You'll have my men once they have a homeland." Beef nodded and silently went back to treating wounds.
Guude left the tent and went to find the other two. He found them by the impromptu cafeteria.
"Etho, pause, welcome to Xinlíng movement. They both kind of brushed it off as he grabbed their shoulders. "Etho, I'm appointing you to my strategist. Pause, you're my men's weapons trainer. Beef is gonna be our medic. Maybe chef too." As he looked at the undercooked noodles. He was too happy to care though. His army's luck is finally looking up.
---------------------------
'twas chapter 2! If you made it through than it wasn't to bad, right? RIGHT?! Anyways, feedback me. :)
no subject
Date: Wednesday, July 16th, 2014 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Wednesday, July 16th, 2014 05:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Wednesday, July 16th, 2014 05:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Wednesday, July 16th, 2014 05:38 am (UTC)For example, one section of your paragraph is:
Pause sunk away from his anger and accusations. "K-Kunàn?" "Yes, Kunàn, why?" Guude questioned and Pause tensed up. "Our little group. It was completed about 7 years ago when Beef joined." "Yeah, Beef, your incredibly strong friend with the doctor skills. What of him?"
Punctuating dialogue is putting the dialogue on separate lines for the separate people talking. The section above with dialogue punctuated is as follows:
Pause sunk away from his anger and accusations.
"K-Kunàn?"
"Yes, Kunàn, why?" Guude questioned and Pause tensed up.
"Our little group. It was completed about 7 years ago when Beef joined."
"Yeah, Beef, your incredibly strong friend with the doctor skills. What of him?"
Can you see how it makes it easier for the section to be read? :)
no subject
Date: Wednesday, July 16th, 2014 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Thursday, July 17th, 2014 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, July 18th, 2014 05:37 am (UTC)Also, well done with the paragraphs, but the capitalization still needs work.