It's what friends do - Magics and Hierarchs Chapter 2
Wednesday, June 25th, 2014 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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mindcrackloveYay for support! You guys liked the first chapter, so I wrote the second quickly.
Not so much action, but more characters come into play, along with some ideas.
Enyoy!
“What? Lead your enemy right to her location? Are you insane Vechs?” Etho asked me, genuinely confused as to what my motives were. He was an enemy assassin after all, and a dangerous one at that. Why would I entrust to him some of my most guarded information?
“We don’t have to be enemies Etho. You can be my friend if you just come with me. No harm will come to you as long as you make no move to assassinate her.” Etho just nodded, unbiased in his motives, and began to follow me into the nearby woods. I led him to a tree in the middle to the forest and lifted a hatch into our hideaway. I followed him into the tunnel, and we came out in a warm and comfortable home that I had formed with magic.
“So. How is it Etho?”
“It’s just a hole with a fireplace and bed, Vechs.”
“Exactly. But how do you like it?”
“Why do you ask me such pointless questions?”
“Because I’m trying to get your opinion. It’s what friends do; ask and get approval from their friends.” He sighed.
“It’s fine, Vechs. I don’t wish to spend any more time on annoying pleasantries however.” I laughed a bit and replied.
“Fine. We’ll go see her,” I told him.
I led Etho through some more tunnels into a small room where two people were sleeping.
“Hey guys,” I announced to my friends.
“Vechs? Hi. Who’s the one behind you?” came the voice of Paul, who sat up quickly at hearing my greeting. He was taking care of Rel Rel right now and he was one of my best friends, along with Zisteau and Kurt. Neither of them was here though, so I pushed my thoughts of them aside. I needed to go find them eventually, but Rel Rel’s condition came first.
“I’m Etho,” Etho spoke up from behind me. Paul’s eyes narrowed in apprehension.
“Hey Vechs, can I talk to you in private for a moment?” he asked me, a hint of skepticism in his tone.
“Huh? Uh, sure,” I told him, following him into the nearby storage room.
He closed the door and began to talk menacingly, but quietly.
“Vechs! Why did you bring the most feared assassin on the entire continent into our hideout? He’s been trying to kill us for almost a year now.”
“Hold on, Paul. He’s an ally now.”
“How do you know?”
“I used my lunar lock technique on him and then released him from it. So I know he’s trustworthy since he didn’t kill me as soon as I did that.”
“Ok. But why did you release it?”
“We don’t need slaves to help us fight off the council, Paul. I’m not comfortable with that. I need him to trust us, and so I’m doing that right now by trusting him with this information.” Paul sighed.
“Fine. Do whatever. Just know that if this backfires, I’ll kill you before you can think about connecting to your sphere of power.” And I knew he could. He had been around longer than anyone else I knew, and he had raised multiple children, two of whom had magical capabilities. Yeah, he had raised Aurey and me when we showed up at his door, abandoned. Not biological children obviously, but he raised us like we were. And when those with magical prowess began to be hunted, Paul came with us when we fled their murderous hands. I knew any promise to protect those he raised was genuine, and so I reassured him.
“Of course. Come on, we need to go back out now.” We came out of the storage to see Etho standing over Aureylian’s bed.
“So this is the woman, Aureylian?”
“Yes, Etho. What do you see?” I asked him.
“She has been struck with a powerful poison.”
“What? Paul did you know?” shooting a look at Paul, to see him open his eyes in shock.
“No. She had hit her head at about the same time as when she was attacked and stabbed by a different assassin last year, so I couldn’t identify anything but the effects of a coma. I’m not sure what to be looking for. Can you show me what you see, Etho?” Paul asked. I thought to myself that he was certainly strange with his feelings about people. First worried about his presence here, then angry at me bringing him here, then threatening me about any potential actions he may make, and then worried for Aurey’s sake. Odd.
“Yes. This bump on her head is quite swollen, even though she has been resting all this time. A bruise would have reduced swelling after a week at most. But the most obvious factor is her weight.” Etho told Paul, who seemed to be getting the idea.
“Come again?” I said, unsure how to take that. Was he implying that Rel Rel was overweight?
“If she had been in a coma or fighting sickness, she should have been losing weight rapidly for the period of time she has been like this. But she appears to have a normal weight, if not more than someone of her stature should.”
“Damn it, you’re right!” Paul announced with a loud cry of anger. “I should have noticed these things. What causes this effect Etho, and is there a known antidote?”
“There is an herb called death shadow and it is grown only by the assassins, for the oxygen the plant produces is also toxic in large amounts. The only cure is the root of the plant. So we’ll have to raid an assassin base for it.”
“And you’re comfortable with that?” Paul asked, ever the skeptic.
“After seeing the condition of the woman I am supposed to kill, I am fine with delivering punishment upon my brethren. This woman has never done harm to an individual. I can see it in her gentle features and from your reverence of her life. Otherwise you both may have moved on by now. She is a model citizen; and I see no reason to assassinate this woman. She deserves a life to live and so I will help her. And I also learned that I am most certainly not as powerful as I could be.” When I asked him what he was talking about, he sighed and spilled what seemed like a collosal weight had been lifted from the man’s shoulders.
“I have hidden it, but…” He broke off from his speech with a small flame coming from his left index finger. I knew he needn’t say any more. I saw what was going on.
“Ah. So you have magic as well. I am glad to know that your shield was not induced by a machine, because that would make fighting other assassins difficult indeed,”I told him. There was Paul to teach him with lessons, and I knew Etho would be in good hands. Paul was the best possible person to teach Etho the correct ways to use magic. He was kind and generally just amazing. And I could help with any practice he needed. But now wasn’t the time for teaching or sparring, I told myself. We had to get that antidote for Rel Rel.
“So when are we leaving?” I asked my companions.
No, they were not simple companions. They were my friends.
Not so much action, but more characters come into play, along with some ideas.
Enyoy!
“What? Lead your enemy right to her location? Are you insane Vechs?” Etho asked me, genuinely confused as to what my motives were. He was an enemy assassin after all, and a dangerous one at that. Why would I entrust to him some of my most guarded information?
“We don’t have to be enemies Etho. You can be my friend if you just come with me. No harm will come to you as long as you make no move to assassinate her.” Etho just nodded, unbiased in his motives, and began to follow me into the nearby woods. I led him to a tree in the middle to the forest and lifted a hatch into our hideaway. I followed him into the tunnel, and we came out in a warm and comfortable home that I had formed with magic.
“So. How is it Etho?”
“It’s just a hole with a fireplace and bed, Vechs.”
“Exactly. But how do you like it?”
“Why do you ask me such pointless questions?”
“Because I’m trying to get your opinion. It’s what friends do; ask and get approval from their friends.” He sighed.
“It’s fine, Vechs. I don’t wish to spend any more time on annoying pleasantries however.” I laughed a bit and replied.
“Fine. We’ll go see her,” I told him.
I led Etho through some more tunnels into a small room where two people were sleeping.
“Hey guys,” I announced to my friends.
“Vechs? Hi. Who’s the one behind you?” came the voice of Paul, who sat up quickly at hearing my greeting. He was taking care of Rel Rel right now and he was one of my best friends, along with Zisteau and Kurt. Neither of them was here though, so I pushed my thoughts of them aside. I needed to go find them eventually, but Rel Rel’s condition came first.
“I’m Etho,” Etho spoke up from behind me. Paul’s eyes narrowed in apprehension.
“Hey Vechs, can I talk to you in private for a moment?” he asked me, a hint of skepticism in his tone.
“Huh? Uh, sure,” I told him, following him into the nearby storage room.
He closed the door and began to talk menacingly, but quietly.
“Vechs! Why did you bring the most feared assassin on the entire continent into our hideout? He’s been trying to kill us for almost a year now.”
“Hold on, Paul. He’s an ally now.”
“How do you know?”
“I used my lunar lock technique on him and then released him from it. So I know he’s trustworthy since he didn’t kill me as soon as I did that.”
“Ok. But why did you release it?”
“We don’t need slaves to help us fight off the council, Paul. I’m not comfortable with that. I need him to trust us, and so I’m doing that right now by trusting him with this information.” Paul sighed.
“Fine. Do whatever. Just know that if this backfires, I’ll kill you before you can think about connecting to your sphere of power.” And I knew he could. He had been around longer than anyone else I knew, and he had raised multiple children, two of whom had magical capabilities. Yeah, he had raised Aurey and me when we showed up at his door, abandoned. Not biological children obviously, but he raised us like we were. And when those with magical prowess began to be hunted, Paul came with us when we fled their murderous hands. I knew any promise to protect those he raised was genuine, and so I reassured him.
“Of course. Come on, we need to go back out now.” We came out of the storage to see Etho standing over Aureylian’s bed.
“So this is the woman, Aureylian?”
“Yes, Etho. What do you see?” I asked him.
“She has been struck with a powerful poison.”
“What? Paul did you know?” shooting a look at Paul, to see him open his eyes in shock.
“No. She had hit her head at about the same time as when she was attacked and stabbed by a different assassin last year, so I couldn’t identify anything but the effects of a coma. I’m not sure what to be looking for. Can you show me what you see, Etho?” Paul asked. I thought to myself that he was certainly strange with his feelings about people. First worried about his presence here, then angry at me bringing him here, then threatening me about any potential actions he may make, and then worried for Aurey’s sake. Odd.
“Yes. This bump on her head is quite swollen, even though she has been resting all this time. A bruise would have reduced swelling after a week at most. But the most obvious factor is her weight.” Etho told Paul, who seemed to be getting the idea.
“Come again?” I said, unsure how to take that. Was he implying that Rel Rel was overweight?
“If she had been in a coma or fighting sickness, she should have been losing weight rapidly for the period of time she has been like this. But she appears to have a normal weight, if not more than someone of her stature should.”
“Damn it, you’re right!” Paul announced with a loud cry of anger. “I should have noticed these things. What causes this effect Etho, and is there a known antidote?”
“There is an herb called death shadow and it is grown only by the assassins, for the oxygen the plant produces is also toxic in large amounts. The only cure is the root of the plant. So we’ll have to raid an assassin base for it.”
“And you’re comfortable with that?” Paul asked, ever the skeptic.
“After seeing the condition of the woman I am supposed to kill, I am fine with delivering punishment upon my brethren. This woman has never done harm to an individual. I can see it in her gentle features and from your reverence of her life. Otherwise you both may have moved on by now. She is a model citizen; and I see no reason to assassinate this woman. She deserves a life to live and so I will help her. And I also learned that I am most certainly not as powerful as I could be.” When I asked him what he was talking about, he sighed and spilled what seemed like a collosal weight had been lifted from the man’s shoulders.
“I have hidden it, but…” He broke off from his speech with a small flame coming from his left index finger. I knew he needn’t say any more. I saw what was going on.
“Ah. So you have magic as well. I am glad to know that your shield was not induced by a machine, because that would make fighting other assassins difficult indeed,”I told him. There was Paul to teach him with lessons, and I knew Etho would be in good hands. Paul was the best possible person to teach Etho the correct ways to use magic. He was kind and generally just amazing. And I could help with any practice he needed. But now wasn’t the time for teaching or sparring, I told myself. We had to get that antidote for Rel Rel.
“So when are we leaving?” I asked my companions.
No, they were not simple companions. They were my friends.
no subject
Date: Tuesday, July 1st, 2014 12:51 am (UTC)I really like this, and a very good concept. However, I think there are a few things that could be fixed.
firstly, Rel Rel. While its good, using it exclusively both breaks up sentences, and is very repetitive (and thereby annoying).
Secondly there are a few places where the sentence structure is a little weird, it makes the story difficult to read and detracts from the feeling you are trying to create because you have to pull yourself out of the story in order to think over the sentences to understand them.
I hope I haven't offended you, I'm just trying to help improve the story. I really like it, but these few flaws are making hard to enjoy to its fullest.
BTW, oxygen from a plant wouldn't be toxic, and even if it was, it could be be used as a poison (at least not in the context you put it in), as it is a gas, and as such would have to be inhaled (normally in very large amounts or over time) not coated on a blade.