Trouble Seems to Follow Chapter 1

[sleetgeekartist]

 AN: My first fanfiction on here! And my first fic in a while, I don't think I've put anything I've written onto a public forum in at least a year. This is just last night's sleep deprived attempt at a concept I've had in my head for a while, please like and comment if you like it! Feedback is an author's life source!

The sun brushed the peak of Dalus Castle, causing the snow to throw sparkles on the stone brick walls. Master Vechs of House Davion, First King of Dalania, awoke as the sun’s light outshone the pumpkin lanterns embedded into the walls and the glow of lava several feet below the glass floor of his bedchamber. He sat up, raven hair an unbecoming mess, the dust of sleep still rimming his sapphire eyes. Rising out of bed, mouth hanging open in a yawn, he adorned his house cloak, a simple red robe with his house symbol of a bat with its wings spread. As the drowsy yet powerful king of the lower quarter of the Mindcrackian continent lightly washed his face with the bowl of water left steaming in his quarters, a live bat, wearing a small paper tag around his neck that read “Fwapa’derp of Dalania”, swooped in and alighted on the canopy frame of Master Vechs’s bed. Vechs grinned at the small creature, phrasing the onomatopoeia of Fwapa’derp’s squeaking as he wrapped his wings around himself to sleep. Vechs lifted his face from the steaming porcelain bowl, changing from his house cloak into the underclothes of his royal attire. His shoulder blades flexed in the window’s light as he lifted his arms to slip the red undershirt over his head. Vechs buttoned on the vest worn over his undershirt, the golden buttons were cool on his fingertips. As he slid his bottle green goggles over his eyes, he noticed a disturbance on the horizon. Large airships were flying over the small patch of land north of Dalania, which legally belonged to the master of House Jims who had been missing for over a decade, leaving the area abandoned. Various agreements had been made between Vechs, King Anders of Nordenne and the Air Vikings, and Master Paul of House Soares to eventually divide the land between them if it became clear that Master Jims would not return. Judging by the appearance of the airships, a certain Viking king had violated the agreements in the passing night. “I hope you realize,” Vechs muttered under his breath, “this means war.”

 

 

---

The sunrise always looked so beautiful through the rainbow on which the castle of Princess Aureylian of the Light and Sky stood. Her flaming red hair caught the perfumed breeze, spreading out behind her like a cape. She sighed, waxing lonesome in her kingdom in the sky. There were none to keep her company in her castle, save for her magic frost guards, the occasional chicken, and her sky neighbor King Anders, although he was more interested in conquest than camaraderie. She began to formulate a rhyme to let her singing voice carry its way through the clouds when she noticed a significant change in the orientation of the ships of the Air Vikings. One of the smaller ships, the one she knew was filled with various weapons since it was the same one flown to her kingdom when the Viking King attempted, albeit falteringly, to establish a diplomatic connection between their kingdoms, had moved several dozen clicks east. Aureylian gasped, fearing for the safety of her largest ally on the Mindcrackian continent, and the one whom she hoped was a true friend in the game of lives and power that occupied the politics of the region, King Vechs Davion. The guards that stood watch over her flower garden had also turned to face the offensive craft, armed with frost incendiaries in case the Viking airship took a sudden turn north. Aureylian wished that the ship was merely being used as a threatening diplomatic tactic and not an invitation for war or conquest. “Please, Vechs, don’t do anything rash.”

---

The moon passed its zenith as the Viking king filled the last cannon with arrows, personally armed to the teeth with blades studded with diamonds and blessed with magic to otherwise assault any enemy by casting them far away, setting them ablaze, or inflicting extra damage, and dressed in gleaming armor blessed to protect him from harm. The land of House Jims has been abandoned for far too long, and the Masters of Houses Davion and Soares have done nothing to claim the abandoned territory. ‘By all rights,’ Viking King Anders reminded himself as he took the wheel of his armed airship, ‘the land is mine!’ He directed the ship to hover above the territory, claiming the land in the typical Viking fashion of showing up first. The sun began to rise, gleaming off the metallic symbol of the Air Vikings painted on the side of the plane, a pair of war axes crossed at the handle over a blue circle, symbolizing dominion over the skies, a dream he could realize if only the fair Lady in White, Princess Aureylian, had accepted his diplomatic attempts to create an allegiance between their kingdoms. Anders raised his fist to the sky, cheering his success in this hostile takeover. The sudden sweet scent of the air seemed to agree with him. And if there was protest by House Davion or Soares, then let there be war. None are more prepared than Vikings for such conquest as war. Anders laughed into the clouds, the whirling wind from the high altitude distorting it to the point where no one on the ground could hear. “One for the Viking King of the Sky! From here I shall rule all!”

---

The heat of the fires of the Nether Realm served as a constant reminder to the souls of the damned, whose flesh had been transformed at the point of death and judgment to that of rotting swine, just what they deserved. In a grand castle of deep burgundy brick dwelt the ruler of these rotting swine, the Lord Zisteau, King of the Nether Realms. The King in question was being served in his main hall by a much higher-ranking damned soul, whose flesh had been burned away to leave the charred black skeleton withering into dust, dining on a meal of golden apples and pork chops seasoned with a special breed of mushroom that only grows in his burning realm. There is no sun in the Nether Realm, so most daily activities are performed sporadically as needed. Regardless, in order to maintain agents in the Overworld, Zisteau has constructed an enchanted stone clock within the main chamber, which mimics actions performed on the Mindcrackian continent by all things large and small through the use of magical marking stones. As the ruler of the Nether Realm finished his meal, he noticed a large stone moving from a mountainous region in the southwest to a more central location on the southern end of the island, hovering over the board. Zisteau chuckled, taking a deep drink of something suspiciously red out of a chalice made from a withering skeleton skull. “At last, something exciting.”

Comments

[datzimbie]

cuuuuuuutttttttt

[sleetgeekartist]

sorry! first time posting on this site! chapter two will have a cut in it, i promise!

On Wednesday, June 18, 2014 4:07 PM, datzimbie - DW Comment dw_null@dreamwidth.org wrote:

DatZimbie (datzimbie) edited a reply to a Dreamwidth entry "Trouble Seems to Follow Chapter 1" in which Sleet (sleetgeekartist) said:  AN: My first fanfiction on here! And my first fic in a while, I don't think I've put anything I've written onto a public forum in at least a year. This is just last night's sleep deprived attempt at a concept I've had in my head for a while, please like and comment if you like it! Feedback is an author's life source!

[scaredykitty]

Please put it under a cut! Cuts are done with < cut> and < /cut> without the spaces after the < before and after the body of text to be cut if using html format.

[sleetgeekartist]

thanks! i'll put a cut for the next chapter, unless there's a way to edit a post after publication that i can't figure out...i'm new here, so i'm not entirely sure how to things

[kappa77]

The first icon between the blue arrows at the bottom of your story is how you can edit it. The second icon is how you can edit only the tags.

[read_the_rules_and_faq]

Please review the rules and faq.

By going to the rules tag, you will see that hiding all forms of fanfiction (regardless of length) is required.

[sleetgeekartist]

thank you! i have, and i'm trying to edit it, but i keep getting stuck on an error page and have absolutely no clue how to get myself out of it

On Wednesday, June 18, 2014 4:22 PM, read_the_rules_and_faq - DW Comment dwnull@dreamwidth.org wrote:

read_the_rules_and_faq replied to a comment you left in a Dreamwidth entry "Trouble Seems to Follow Chapter 1". The comment they replied to was: thanks! i'll put a cut for the next chapter, unless there's a way to edit a post after publication that i can't figure out...i'm new here, so i'm not entirely sure how to things The reply was: Please review the rules and faq.

[read_the_rules_and_faq]

Since your post now has a cut, I'll assume you did something right and escaped the error.

For your next post, it would be best if you put the cut tags around your fanfiction before you posted it. Saves a bunch of headache for you and the mods.

[sleetgeekartist]

yeah, that sounds like a good idea, sorry for all the trouble ^^;

[kappa77]

This is really awesome and I can't wait for more!

Just one or two things though:

1) You need to cut your story using in HTML or the equivalent in the other type. Tags are also extremely helpfully to keep our 1000+ fanfics organized.

2) The entire story was incredibly well put, but there was only one phrase that stuck out to me as out of place and confusing: "phrasing the onomatopoeia of Fwapa’derp’s squeaking"
I literally only now just got what it meant, but while I was reading it, it just stuck out to me as odd.

But other than that, this is really cool and is exactly what I've been hoping to come out for a long time :3

[sleetgeekartist]

thanks for your comment! i'm working on chapter 2 today so that should be out soon! sorry for the whole cut thing, is there a way to edit a post once it's been published so i can add that retroactively? and the "phrasing the onomatopoeia..." bit was so i could imply that vechs was saying things without using dialogue so that the last line of the section stood out. i have a bad habit of using gigantic words to avoid simple things ^^;

[kappa77]

I replied in another comment thread how to do that. :3

And I totally understand your use of big words, I often do the same. However, sometimes you need to sacrifice what you want to say and instead put in what sounds better. While I did eventually understand what you meant, I wouldn't have been jerked out of my reading experience had you said something along the lines of "Vechs imitated Fwapa'derp's signature squeaks". In my opinion, it flows better and has a better effect on the reader as they read.

[sleetgeekartist]

thanks! and good point, i'll keep that in mind for the next chapter (which is probably going to have more dialogue anyway). sorry if it seems a bit much to ask, but since you're being so nice, could you maybe help me with editing the tags? i'm getting stuck on an error message after i put in the cut that i can't edit or remove tags that i haven't touched and i have no idea how to not have that message appear or if i'm freaking out over nothing...

[sleetgeekartist]

ok wait i figured it out

[mooshlovely]

I really like the idea and your writing style, can't wait for more :D

[r7]

yay, kingdom fic! keep writing, I can't wait to see where this goes!

[curlycue]

I... I am astoundingly impressed... I think I may have come across a kindred soul. My name is Curly; I assume you'd like to be called 'Sleet' for short, but please correct me if I'm wrong. Don't worry about being confused with cuts and tags and such, I was awful at first. It gets much less confusing as you learn.

I'd just like to say that your writing is phenomenal. You remind me so much of my own writing style, as well as my dad's. (That sounded very conceited, I didn't mean to say that my writing is better than or as good as yours, just that I recognize your style) Very descriptive and intricate, proper grammar and punctuation, correct usage of intimidatingly complex words...

I hope we can be good friends. I really think we could have a lot to talk about. If you have a Skype account, I can add you as a contact and then to the primary Salad (sfw) chat.

With that said, I wish you the best. May your words never run dry, your pen always have ink (or laptop have power), and your brother never decide it's a good day to practice his drum routine inside.

[sleetgeekartist]

oh my goodness thank you! i'd love to be your friend, curly! i'm not sure if there is a private messaging system on this website, and i'd rather not have my skype seen by whoever reads the comments (i'm sure you're all nice people but i like having privacy) and yes, i generally go by sleet.
if you want to contact me for my skype, my tumblr is sleetgeekartist.tumblr.com and my ask box is always open
and i'm much more relaxed in a chat format btw, makes it easier to maintain my intended tone and demeanor ^^

[(Anonymous)]

Yes! Something New!!! For time to quote from the post I just read ( yours } "At last, something exciting"