Fanfic - Cakes!
Friday, January 3rd, 2014 02:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scaredykitty posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
mindcrackloveThis fic has no actual plot really, other then cakes = delicious. I wrote it because the idea amused me.
“Today, today the world is made of cake!” Guude said, nodding enthusiastically even as Pause sighed. “Don't you dare start! Don't you sigh at me and start complaining already!” Guude said, waving a finger at Pause. Pause rolled his eyes, ignoring Guude's admonishments as he started to complain anyway.
“But cake is not weather! Cakes are not a meteorological thing! Maybe if you were a geologist, then I'd understand it, but that's not weather!” Pause stomped around for a bit, reeling back as one of the countless Jimmies smacked armour onto him and Guude before running away. Pause frowned at the retreating Jimmy, trying his best to deathglare him before giving up.
“What are you two bickering about now?” Old Man Willakers said as he watched out over the fort, assessing the various walls going up over the place. Guude and Pause were generally bickering over things, he found it easier to ignore it then to try and follow the train of thoughts they had going on. It was like listening to an old married couple, he decided.
“Roooob, Guude says the entire world is going to become cake. I say that's not a weather thing, that's a uh...geological thing!” Pause whined, grumbling vigorously under his breath.
“Maybe it can rain the cakes down upon everyone's heads?” a new voice said. Pause frowned, turning around.
“Haha! Van! Get over here for a hug!” Pause shouted, scooping up the shorter guy, making Van squeak from the suddenness of it. Pause dropped him, causing Van to bend over coughing, trying to catch his breath.
“One day you'll break my back from hugging me too hard,” Van said with a laugh. One of the many Jimmies barrelled into him, sending him sprawling onto the ground. Pause glared at the Jimmy in question. The Jimmy gave a gasp, clutching his heart before kneeling over. Old Man Willakers blinked slowly, turning towards Pause.
“Now where did you learn that, Pause?” he said, actually paying attention to what was happening instead of messing around with the Jimmies.
“You taught me it while you were drunk last night,” Pause said matter of factly, nodding. The Old Man looked at the twitching body of the Jimmy before banishing the corpse.
“Well, don't do it too often, or we'll run out of Jimmies,” he said, not hearing Guude whisper the word hypocrite under his breath, earning a nervous giggle from Van. Guude grinned at Van, earning more giggles.
“Right...something about it raining cake...” the Old Man said, murmuring under his breath. The sky became a bright shade of pink with white frosting before giant fluffy portals opened up. Cascading from the sky were a young child's dream, cakes upon cakes in various colours, sizes, and flavours. Each cake hit the ground with a slightly wet splat sound, sending sprays of frosting out over the Jimmies, coating them in bright colours. Several of them stopped to lick at the frosting, making happy nom noises.
Pause shivered as he accidentally stepped in one of the cakes with a wet schurlp sound. He tried to pull his foot from the cake, but his diamond boot came off with a gentle pop sound. Pause glared at the cake, but unlike the poor Jimmy, the cake was immune to deathglares. Pause sighed, digging through the cake as he retrieved his boot, shoving it back on with a grimace. “Eurgh...frosting is between my toes now...”
The sky darkened slightly as the monsters were released, sending everyone scrambling for their bows and arrows. Van looked surprised before giving a quiet squeak. “Seems I got the plague. Sorry guys,” he said quietly as he kneeled over, coughing heavily.
“Rob, fix Van!” Pause said as he tried pouring healing potion over Van's head, just drenching him ineffectually.
“I don't think I should fix him, I'm not a veterinarian Pause,” the Old Man said, earning a confused look from Pause and a choked giggle from Guude.
“No no, I'll just die here. I'll see you in a bit for your brains,” Van said quietly as he died from the plague, disappearing.
The faint sound of zombies could be heard in the distance, with Van among them. “Mmm Pause brains,” zombie Van said, making his way towards the three of them slowly.
“Traitor Van, I thought you liked my brains the best,” Guude said as he aimed his bow at Van.
Zombie Van stopped, scratching his head. “Well, both of your brains are delicious, but come to think of it, I think I'd rather eat cake,” he said before sitting down, starting to devour the cake. The other zombies, spiders, and golems charged the fort, slaughtering the dwarves inside.
Van continued to eat cake until he was a very plump, very happy zombie.
“Today, today the world is made of cake!” Guude said, nodding enthusiastically even as Pause sighed. “Don't you dare start! Don't you sigh at me and start complaining already!” Guude said, waving a finger at Pause. Pause rolled his eyes, ignoring Guude's admonishments as he started to complain anyway.
“But cake is not weather! Cakes are not a meteorological thing! Maybe if you were a geologist, then I'd understand it, but that's not weather!” Pause stomped around for a bit, reeling back as one of the countless Jimmies smacked armour onto him and Guude before running away. Pause frowned at the retreating Jimmy, trying his best to deathglare him before giving up.
“What are you two bickering about now?” Old Man Willakers said as he watched out over the fort, assessing the various walls going up over the place. Guude and Pause were generally bickering over things, he found it easier to ignore it then to try and follow the train of thoughts they had going on. It was like listening to an old married couple, he decided.
“Roooob, Guude says the entire world is going to become cake. I say that's not a weather thing, that's a uh...geological thing!” Pause whined, grumbling vigorously under his breath.
“Maybe it can rain the cakes down upon everyone's heads?” a new voice said. Pause frowned, turning around.
“Haha! Van! Get over here for a hug!” Pause shouted, scooping up the shorter guy, making Van squeak from the suddenness of it. Pause dropped him, causing Van to bend over coughing, trying to catch his breath.
“One day you'll break my back from hugging me too hard,” Van said with a laugh. One of the many Jimmies barrelled into him, sending him sprawling onto the ground. Pause glared at the Jimmy in question. The Jimmy gave a gasp, clutching his heart before kneeling over. Old Man Willakers blinked slowly, turning towards Pause.
“Now where did you learn that, Pause?” he said, actually paying attention to what was happening instead of messing around with the Jimmies.
“You taught me it while you were drunk last night,” Pause said matter of factly, nodding. The Old Man looked at the twitching body of the Jimmy before banishing the corpse.
“Well, don't do it too often, or we'll run out of Jimmies,” he said, not hearing Guude whisper the word hypocrite under his breath, earning a nervous giggle from Van. Guude grinned at Van, earning more giggles.
“Right...something about it raining cake...” the Old Man said, murmuring under his breath. The sky became a bright shade of pink with white frosting before giant fluffy portals opened up. Cascading from the sky were a young child's dream, cakes upon cakes in various colours, sizes, and flavours. Each cake hit the ground with a slightly wet splat sound, sending sprays of frosting out over the Jimmies, coating them in bright colours. Several of them stopped to lick at the frosting, making happy nom noises.
Pause shivered as he accidentally stepped in one of the cakes with a wet schurlp sound. He tried to pull his foot from the cake, but his diamond boot came off with a gentle pop sound. Pause glared at the cake, but unlike the poor Jimmy, the cake was immune to deathglares. Pause sighed, digging through the cake as he retrieved his boot, shoving it back on with a grimace. “Eurgh...frosting is between my toes now...”
The sky darkened slightly as the monsters were released, sending everyone scrambling for their bows and arrows. Van looked surprised before giving a quiet squeak. “Seems I got the plague. Sorry guys,” he said quietly as he kneeled over, coughing heavily.
“Rob, fix Van!” Pause said as he tried pouring healing potion over Van's head, just drenching him ineffectually.
“I don't think I should fix him, I'm not a veterinarian Pause,” the Old Man said, earning a confused look from Pause and a choked giggle from Guude.
“No no, I'll just die here. I'll see you in a bit for your brains,” Van said quietly as he died from the plague, disappearing.
The faint sound of zombies could be heard in the distance, with Van among them. “Mmm Pause brains,” zombie Van said, making his way towards the three of them slowly.
“Traitor Van, I thought you liked my brains the best,” Guude said as he aimed his bow at Van.
Zombie Van stopped, scratching his head. “Well, both of your brains are delicious, but come to think of it, I think I'd rather eat cake,” he said before sitting down, starting to devour the cake. The other zombies, spiders, and golems charged the fort, slaughtering the dwarves inside.
Van continued to eat cake until he was a very plump, very happy zombie.
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Date: Friday, January 3rd, 2014 11:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Friday, January 3rd, 2014 11:55 pm (UTC)