mindcracklove | Lost And Found

Lost and found, broken and whole, worthless and purposeful, a no one and perfect. You can always see one thing, while everyone else sees another.

Kurt walked through the small town he called home, his eyes glued to the ground, a heavy weight on his shoulders. He felt like the world hated him, like everything did, really. He felt like he was constantly failing, not just himself, but every one. He knew he was, there was no denying that. Every one kept telling him that nothing was wrong, that everything was perfect, but nothing was, not in his dark, dreary world.

He went on walks constantly, that was the only way to keep himself from doing anything he regretted, though he knew he'd already done enough to himself. If the scars and fresh cuts on his wrists weren't enough to prove that, then he didn't know what was. But, these walks helped and made things worse, they gave him time to think, which was a bad thing. One thought was constantly on his mind, I wish I were dead. He wanted that so much, yet he hadn't done it. He felt that whatever was to come of this life, after death, would be far better then anything this life had given him.

But, with the constant feeling of being watched, he just couldn't find a time to do it. Poor Beef, constantly keeping an eye on him, it's like he thought he wasn't stable, which he wasn't but that's not the point. He wanted to tell Beef to stop, to quit worrying about him, but he couldn't find it in him to. He was shy, yes, and talking to people made him uncomfortable, but why should that stop him from talking to his friend? But, at the end of the day, he just couldn't do it. Maybe he wanted the support, he pondered briefly, but shoved that thought aside. He knew he didn't want it, what he wanted was to be dead, but where was that getting him, absolutely no where.

As Kurt walked, he passed by the fountain in the town square. When he saw the purple glow of the nether portal he stopped, pondering it. He stepped into the soft purple glow and waited for the magic of the portal to take him to the fiery hell called the nether. He stepped out of the portal, wandering out of the safety of the nether hub and walked through the scorching hot nether, a thought briefly catching his attention; maybe I'll be lucky and fall into a pit of lava.

He wandered around for hours, just trying to find a way to silence his never ending stream of depressing thoughts. Eventually, he gave up and went back to the safety of the over world, where the sun had fallen and the moons light took over the land, casting everything in shadows. He knew the risks of being out at night, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. For all it mattered, he wished for a skeleton to jump out of the shadows and shoot him, or a zombie to maul his face, or maybe a creeper would blow him up, maybe even an enderman would screech in his face and prey on him. Ah, but one could only hope.

He made it back to the observatory, his home, without seeing a signal mob. He cursed his luck, but went inside anyway and went up into the dome, where he laid on the ground and watched the moon slowly go across the sky, not caring that it was cold, or that he was tired.

Sun shone down into the dome, lighting up the sleeping man, who looked very uncomfortable. He woke suddenly, hearing a knock on the door. He grumbled as he pulled himself off of the ground and made his way down the spiral stairs. He wasn't thrilled at the thought of a guest, but he answered the door anyway.

"Hey Kurt!" Beef said cheerily, though the smile he wore quickly fell to a thin line. "You look awful... Have you been taking care of yourself?"

He shrugged. "Sorta."

"This isn't healthy.... When did you eat last?"

He took a second to recall. "Yesterday morning maybe." He could've lied, but he knew Beef would see right through it.

"Kurt.... You've really gotta take better care of yourself. You could end up starving to death or something."

"Maybe that's what I want." He mumbled.

"Don't say that Kurt!"

"Why not, it's true. I'd rather die than suffer through living."

"Why do you want to die?"

"Because there's no reason to live. There's no reason to talk anymore of the pain thrown at me daily."

"You have every reason to live!"

"Like what? The constant reminder that my parents hated me, that Wolfie died, that everything I worked for is ruined. And that doesn't even began to scrap the surface, Beef. That doesn't even mention the constant pain of knowing you'll never marry the one person you ever loved because they died in your arms. That is why Beef, that is why I'd rather be dead." He shouted, storming out of the house and down the street, leaving Beef standing in shock.

He just wanted it all to end. He didn't want to live another day in constant pain remembering all the world had taken from him. It had taken his beautiful fiancé MK, it had taken his loyal companion Wolfie, it had taken all the work he'd ever done for the charity he worked so hard on and burned it all down with a strike of lightning. Everything he'd ever worked for, everything he'd ever loved, was wrongfully taken from him, leaving him an empty shell of the person he used to be. And now, he didn't even want to live, all he wanted was to finally have an ending, to finally maybe find peace, but with his luck, even death wouldn't bring him that.

He made his way towards spawn, knowing if he went to MK's house, that was supposed to be theirs when they got married, that he'd be able to do it, that he'd finally be able to end it all. His eyes were glued to the ground as he walked through spawn, knowing the tears in his eyes would only bring more attention to himself. But, much to his luck, he walked straight into someone, or something, rather. A pigman. Oh great, I'll be mauled to death, what a perfect way to go, he thought to himself as the pigman turned and faced him, a look of slight annoyance on its face, though it looked more confused than anything.

That surprised Kurt; most pigmen were mindless creature that wander the nether aimlessly. He looked more intelligent, having an almost insightful look in It's blue-green eyes, which seemed far too bright for what species it was.

"I-I'm sorry." Kurt mumbled, trying to evade the pigmans wrath, though he knew he'd like to just die, so why not aggravate it?

It cleared its throat. "It ok." Were the odd creatures words, with a very human sounding voice, no matter how rough it was.

Now he was very confused, pigmen didn't talk, they just snorted and huffed.

"Who.... Who are you...?"

"Zisteau." The pigman said grufly, though he couldn't focus on the Kurt as he spoke, for he was admiring the world around them in awe.

"Why are you here?"

"I tired of home. Explore."

The way the pigman, Zisteau, spoke, made him seem very undereducated, yet very at the same time. A few drops of rain fell, a storm brewing in the near distance, scaring the pigman. He squealed as he stared up at the sky.

"It's just rain, it won't harm you."

Zisteau looked confused, to say the least. Kurt took off his trench coat and gave it to the pigman, who used it to shield the rain. Kurt honestly couldn't care that the rain was starting to soak his clothes and chill him to the bone. Zisteau eyed Kurt's now exposed wrists.

"How?" He questioned, lightly taking Kurt's and hand and holding it up so he could see the others wrist.

Kurt snatched his arm away. "Its-its nothing." He stammered out.

The pigman looked even more confused.

"I-I've gotta go." Kurt stated quickly, turning to walk away, though a hand on his arm stopped him.

"Where you go?" Zisteau asked.

"Somewhere, ok."

"Can I come?"

Kurt sighed. He didn't feel like he could tell the pigman no, but what he wanted to do required being alone, but something in him just could not tell Zisteau no. "Fine."

He started walking, the pigman following close behind, though he still couldn't focus on just one thing, he seemed so surprised and intrigued by everything around them.

"Where we go?" Zisteau asked.

Kurt pondered that. He couldn't go to MK's now, it just didn't feel right. "To my house." Was his reply as he continued walking, not even taking time to care how cold and thoroughly soaked he was.

They reached the observatory and Kurt fumbled in his pocket for his keys, which he found and tried to unlock the door, but his hands were far too shaky and he dropped them. Zisteau picked them up and unlocked the door, almost expertly. He seemed really smart for a pigman, though he'd already figured that out. He headed through the door and flicked on the lights. He kicked off his water filled shoes which fell to the ground with a slosh. He took the drenched coat from Zisteau and headed down the stairs, hearing light foot steps behind him. He grabbed a towel from a closet and clean pair of clothes. He pulls his shirt off, and tosses it the washer with the trench coat.

He clears his throat. "Privacy, please?"

Zisteau nods and turns around, leaving Kurt to undress and somewhat dry off in peace, though he couldn't help but feel like he was being watched, but he couldn't bring himself to actually care. Soon enough his body would be six feet under, and he was ok with that thought. He pulled on sweat pants and a t-shirt, which was odd attire for him, but it was all that was clean, for he hadn't done laundry in a long time.

"You hungry... Thirsty?" Kurt questioned as he headed into the kitchen.

Zisteau shook his head. "No."

"Ok, suit yourself." Kurt stated as he grabbed a bottle of scotch and a bowl of chips.

He went back into the living room and sat down, which Zisteau did the same, looking expectantly at Kurt.

"Are you planning on going back home?" Kurt asked after a long drink of scotch.

Zisteau shook his head. "No, I want to explore. Home boring."

Zisteau's English was still quiet bad, Kurt found that bugged him slightly. "You need a place to stay, I take it?"

A nod. "Yes. If you do not mind?"

Kurt sighed after another long drink of scotch. "Fine, you can stay here till you find somewhere else to stay, or at least build a place of your own."

"Thank you."

Kurt just nodded, taking another drink if scotch. He would probably regret this in the morning, but that didn't matter now, or then when he woke.

"What that?" Zisteau questioned, motioning to the bottle in Kurt's hand.

"Scotch." Kurt stated simply.

"It good?"

Kurt nodded. "Very good. Try some." He handed the pigman the bottle, watching curiously as Zisteau took it. He took a sip, looking rather surprised.

"Very good."

Kurt just nodded and took another long drink, already feeling its influence, for he'd never had a high alcohol tolerance. But he couldn't care, maybe he'd drink too much and it'd kill him, but that was unlikely, he realized. A long while, and a couple bottles of scotch later, Kurt was thoroughly drunk, to say the least. But, the pigman didn't look even close to as drunk as Kurt was.

Zisteau picked up Kurt's wrist again, being very careful as he examined the scars and newer scarlet lines that decorated it. "How?" He questioned again.

Kurt glanced at the pigman with hazy blue eyes. "I-I did it to myself." He admitted.

Zisteau was confused, to say the least. "Why?"

"It gets me through life."

Zisteau gave him a questioning look. "Get through life?"

"I just hate life, ok."

"Why hate life?"

"Because it took everything from me!" Kurt half shouted. "I just want to end it all."

Zisteau was speechless, partly because he didn't know what to say, and partly because he didn't know how to say it.

"I'm going to bed." Kurt said coldly. "You can sleep on the couch."

He made his way into his room and sat on his bed. He grabbed the small blade from his bed side table and brought it to his already cut up wrists. What pain could another cut or two do, he pondered as he brought the blade across his wrist, leaving thin scarlet lines, lines that made him feel better. The pain was sweet and welcoming, especially after a day like today, especially with so many now bittersweet moments recalled. The blade was dropped to the ground and he collapsed onto the bed, tears that had welled up spilled onto his pale cheeks, as memories of MK came back to him.

The way she smiled gently at his shyness. The way her beautiful brown hair fell perfectly without her even trying. Those beautiful brown eyes that always portrayed the pure love she felt for him. The way a hug from her could fix everything. Or a kiss from her could feel so magical, and made him feel like he was falling in love all over again. She was his everything, and now she was gone. He'd never see those beautiful eyes and bright smile ever again. Or feel those soft lips on his again. He'd never have those sweet, sweet Intimate moments again. He'd never fall asleep with her beside him or wake up with her in his arms. He squeezed his eyes shut and cried until he fell into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up groggy, a headache that was almost unbearable and a strange feel in his stomach, which had him running to the bathroom and throwing up everything in his stomach. He made his way into the kitchen where he took some pain killers and grabbed a bottle of water. He found Zisteau reading a book on the couch. He didn't really question it as he sat beside the pigman, which caught his attention.

"Are you ok?" Zisteau asked, not only seeing that he was obviously in pain, but that there were new cuts on his wrists.

Kurt shook his head. "No, no I'm not."

Zisteau frowned slightly. He didn't know how to handle this. "Talk?"

"No, I'd rather not."

"Ok...?"

It was quiet for a while, an awkward silence that hung in the air.

"What are stars?" Zisteau asked, glancing up from the book he'd been trying to comprehend for hours.

"They are the twinkly lights you see in the sky at night."

Zisteau looked confused. "Twinkly lights?"

"Yeah, there are millions of them. They are balls of gas that are millions of miles away."

Zisteau was thoroughly intrigued. "They always there?"

Kurt nods. "Yeah, they are always there, you just can't see them during the day."

"Read this to me?" Zisteau questions with a hopeful look. He just wanted to understand this new world, and be able to fit in. And maybe, just maybe be able to understand his only friend a little more.

A small smile tugged at Kurt's lips as he took the book from the the pigman and started reading, finding a tiny bit of joy from the interest the pigman had in what used to be his hobby.

"Do you want to see the stars?" Kurt questioned, after the sun had started its slow descent.

Zisteau nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, please."

He followed Kurt up a set of stairs into a dome like thing, which he didn't know exactly what is was, but obviously Kurt did. He'd learned a lot today, and his English, as he learned it was called, was slowly getting better too. But the thing he was learning most about were stars and space, and the fact that they made Kurt happy, which he didn't seem to be very often, which he still didn't know understand why.

"You see that?" Kurt questioned, pointing to the opening in the dome, which brought the pigman out of his thoughts. "Those are stars."

"Wow." Was all Zisteau could say as he stared up at the twinkling lights in the dark night sky.

He was amazed, nothing he had seen had been so beautiful. There was nothing like this back home, nothing at all. All he saw back home was shades of red and lava pools. There was nothing so magical.

Kurt laid down on his back, staring up at night sky. His heart ached, as he stared at the twinkling stars. Of course he'd maybe been a little happy today, but this made him sad. MK and himself used to stargaze all the time, and he missed it, but not as much as he missed her. She was constantly on his mind, an ever present thought in his mind. He sighed and put an arm over his eyes.

"Are you ok?" Zisteau asked, looking worriedly at Kurt as he sat down beside him.

"How could I be?"

"Uh...?"

"Its not something I want to talk about, ok?"

"Ok..."

An awkward silence settled between them. Zisteau didn't like it, but he didn't know what to do, so he did nothing and just stared up at the stars.

"I'm going to bed, night Zisteau." Kurt said after a while, as he got up and headed to the door.

Zisteau just gave him a look as he left. "Night."

Kurt headed to his room and collapsed on the bed, almost instantly falling into a fitful dream filled sleep.

"MK.... No no no no MK please." Kurt begged, clutching her hand tightly.

"It's ok Kurt." She said weakly, a sad smile on her face. "It's my destiny."

"You-you can't leave me.... I-I need you..."

"You'll be fine without me, my love.... I know you will."

"No-no I won't... Your my everything..."

"Kurt, my love." She said, though she was interrupted by a coughing fit, which resulted in blood coming up. "You.... Your so strong.... You'll be fine.... I-I just know you will...."

Tears poured down his face as he held his beautiful lovers hand. "I-I love you MK...."

"I.... I love you too...." MK spoke as the light faded from her brown eyes, and her heart, which was so full of love and compassion, quit beating.

"Don't go..." He whispered as he collapsed, his heart shattering into a million pieces as the world crumbled around him.

Kurt awoke to tears streaming down his face and his breaths coming out ragged and rough. He couldn't believe he'd had to relive that. That was the worst thing he'd ever been through, it broke his already broken heart, which had been in a million pieces since then, and it felt like that reminder made those pieces so much father from ever being put together again.

He grabbed the blade with a shaky hand put it to his wrist, cutting deeply, not caring as the blood started pooling around his wrists a d dripping onto the bed sheets, staining them crimson. He sobbed as the blade dropped to the floor, his shaky hands unable to hold it anymore. He was suddenly being hugged.

"Kurt! Kurt why?" Zisteau rushed out, pressing the blanket from the bed against his bleeding wrist.

"I-I miss her Zisteau!" Kurt sobbed, collapsing against the pigman.

"Miss her?"

"MK.... My-my fiancé."

"Fiancé?" Zisteau questioned, not understanding.

"We-we were supposed to get married.... She-she was the love of my life... I-I watched her die... And-and I couldn't do anything about it...." He sobbed, tears falling in a constant stream, his voice muffled by the pitman's chest.

Zisteau now understood, for the most part. "Wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was! She died because I couldn't protect her! I-I couldn't do the one thing I promised to do... I-I promised to protect her and love her.... And-and she's gone because of me!" He sobbed, unable to hold anything back. "I-I just wanna die... Its-its not worth living if I can't have her...."

"Don't say that Kurt...." Zisteau tried.

"What? Say the truth? Say what's constantly on my mind?"

"Please don't Kurt. You are.... Worth.... It...." Zisteau said, struggling with the words slightly.

"Why, Zisteau, why me of all the people in this world, why am I worth it?"

"You... You are smart.... A good... Friend.... A good person.... You deserve to.... Live as much as... Anyone does."

"I don't see it....."

"I do... and I wish you could too."

Kurt just sighs and lays his head on Zisteau's chest, giving up on trying, because he didn't believe it was worth it. He didn't believe he was worth it. He quickly feel asleep against the pigman, who seemed to radiate heat.

Zisteau laid the fragile man back onto the bed and found a clean blanket to cover him with. He sat on a chair on the other side of the room, not trusting to leave Kurt alone, not after what he'd just seen. He still didn't understand fully. He wish he did though. He wish he knew what were wrong, and how to fix it. He didn't like this side of his friend, it worried him. He missed that small smile he wore when talking about space and the stars, that he seemed to love ever so much. He didn't understand so much, and he wanted to understand, wanted to know about this new world, which was so, so different from his own home.

He got up from the chair and grabbed the blade from the floor, where it had fallen, and took it with him as he left the room. He didn't trust leaving Kurt alone, but he needed to do something, so the least he could do was take the blade with him. He went out into the morning light, which still seemed so bright, and walked down the road towards the middle of the town. He saw a person there, he wore an apron thing and had a beard, which was honestly spectacular. He approached the person.

"Hi.... You know Kurt?" He questioned, knowing his sentence wasn't totally correct, but that didn't matter too much to him.

"Uh... Yes I do.... Who are you, exactly?"

"I'm Zisteau."

"Why are you out of the nether?"

Zisteau sighed. "I can explain.... Later.... But I need to.... Know... Something about Kurt."

"Your English not so good I take it?"

He nods. "Yes, I'm not too good at speaking it yet..... Anyway, about Kurt?"

"Right, what do you need to know?"

"MK.... What happened with her?"

"Oh... That.... Wait, you've seen him recently?!?! Is he okay?!?!"

"He is okay...."

Beef sighs in relief. "So... About MK... She meet Kurt about five years ago, and those two fell in love, they were the cutest couple. They had just built a house together and Kurt had proposed, they were supposed to be married within a month or so, that was until late one night when they were waking home from a party, they were attacked by a group of mobs, and one got to MK, and it did too much damage for her too live. And Kurt watched her die... He blamed himself, he still does..."

"Oh..." Was all Zisteau could say, for he didn't know what else he could say.

"Yeah, I'm worried about him. He just doesn't seem to care anymore. He doesn't try to take of himself... And I know he hurts himself, but I can't do a thing about it, no one can... And... And I'm afraid soon enough, he won't be with us anymore... And I'm scared for him."

Zisteau nodded. "I'm scared too.... I've seen his wrists... It's bad...."

"I don't know what to do anymore, I try and try talking to him, but he doesn't listen and I feel like I only make it worse." Beef says with a sigh.

"How long has it... Been this way?"

"Four or five months..."

Zisteau sighs. "I don't like seeing him.... Sad.... But I don't know how to... Help."

"Your just as clueless as me then."

Zisteau sighed, his gaze falling to the ground. Kurt was his friend. He wanted him to feel okay. He didn't want him to hurt, but he didn't know how to stop it, how to help, or even if he could. He was just a dumb pigman, how he possibly do anything to help. It saddened him greatly, both knowing Kurt was sad, and realizing he probably couldn't do anything to help. But he was determined to try no matter what.

"I've got to go... See you around." Zisteau says, his gaze meeting Beef's again.

"Yeah, see ya around."

Zisteau made his back to the observatory, all the while trying to think of anyway possible to help his upset friend. He knew Kurt loved space and the stars. He was trying to figure out how to do something that might include that, but he wasn't sure what. He was having trouble thinking of ideas. He shook his head sadly as he made his way back into the observatory.

"Oh hey Zisteau...." Kurt said sadly, unable to meet the pigman's eyes.

"Hi, Kurt, how are you?"

"I dunno." Kurt replied.

Zisteau sighed quietly. "You wanna go.... Do something?"

"Oh I dunno Zisteau, I don't really wanna go anywhere."

"It will be good for you... We can go find.... Somewhere for me to build."

Kurt finally met Zisteau's gaze. "Fine. Let me get around I guess." Kurt mumbles as he gets up and heads to his room.

Zisteau sighed in relief. He was glad Kurt was at least willing to come with him. He didn't know what good this would do, but maybe it would help at least a little, but he could only hope. Kurt came back, looking more composed then before in a blue suit and trench coat and oddly bright red shoes.

"Ready?" Zisteau questioned.

"I guess." Kurt sighs.

They headed out in an awkward silence, which continued for a long, long while.

"Kurt... About this morning..." Zisteau started awkwardly.

"I-I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"Right...." Zisteau says awkwardly. "Um.... I know this isn't my..... Uh.... spot.... To do this.... But uh... I took that blade... I'm sorry..."

Kurt sighs. "I was wondering where that had went....."

"I don't understand, Kurt, why do you.... hurt yourself?"

"It's the only thing to get me through the day, I guess."

"I know about MK now, and I understand your still saddened by it, but that was so..... long ago.... And uh.... I guess I just don't understand."

"I loved her, Zisteau, I loved her enough to marry her and I failed her. I failed myself and everyone. I have every reason to cause myself pain."

"As your... friend, I don't like seeing you.... like this."

Kurt's lips pressed into a thin line. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

"There's no need to be sorry, Kurt.... Your... hurt and I understand that... I just wanna help...."

"I don't know if you can."

Zisteau just nodded, unsure of how to answer, so they just walked in an awkward silence. They continued walking till they came to a mountainous area with a lake in between a few others. Zisteau found he really liked this place, and felt like it could be home eventually. He placed a sign and wrote 'Zisteau's Temporary Home' on it.

"I like this place." He commented.

"Yeah, its nice..." Was Kurt's sad reply.

Zisteau really didn't like how sad Kurt was, but he still wasn't sure how to help. "I think I will like it here. Though I don't know what I would build."

"You'll figure it out."

"Yeah...."

"Wanna build a hidey hole and spend the night in there so we don't have to deal with mobs?"

"Hidey hole...?" Zisteau asked rather confused.

"A small whole in the side of a mountain or hill to stay safe for the night."

"Oh... Uh...yeah, sure."

Kurt set to work as Zisteau watched, thoroughly intrigued. He watched Kurt, pondering ways to cheer up his sad friend. Talking didn't really seem to work, he found out. But maybe talking about something else would, he pondered briefly, though he pulled himself from his thoughts as he entered the now complete hidey hole. He sat on the ground, trying to comfortable on the stone floor, which seemed impossible. Kurt sat beside him, pulling his coat tighter around himself.

"So Kurt... Can you tell me more about the stars?" Zisteau asked curiously.

"What do you want to know?" Kurt replied, gazing briefly at the pigman.

"How do you see them if they are so far away?"

"People generally use telescopes, but I can't afford to get one, and have no idea how to make one."

"A telescope?"

"It magnifies whatever its pointed at."

"Magnifies?"

"Makes something seem bigger than it actually is. Say you take a glass bottle and put it upside down, and look through the bottom, since the bot to is curved, it magnifies whatever is below it."

"That's... Cool."

"Yeah, it is." Kurt agrees with a hesitant smile.

That smile gave Zisteau a little bit of hope. "Why are the stars there?"

"No one really knows, they just are. And they've been there for millions of years."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I find it intriguing, how could something that looks so simple, so bright, have been through so many years."

I don't know Kurt, but I wonder the same about you, he thought to himself, as he stayed quiet and listened to Kurt ramble on and on about space and the stars, and Zisteau listened to every single word that left the others mouth. A while later, Kurt fell asleep, looking quiet uncomfortable, but maybe a little happy at the same time, which gave Zisteau even more hope. Sure Kurt was broken, but he wasn't unfixable, it would just take time, and Zisteau was determined to help him, no matter what it took. He let out a soft huff of air and tried to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, which he eventually did.

He awoke to see Kurt laying on his back, staring at the dirt ceiling blankly.

"What you doing?" Zisteau questioned with a light chuckle.

"Just thinking."

"About?"

"Life."

"Life?"

"Yeah, life."

His small smile feel to a thin line, as he figured out Kurt wasn't going to talk to him at all. He sighed but stood up and stretched, feeling rather tense after sleeping on the ground. He dug out the two dirt blocks and walked into the morning light, which still seemed just too bright to the pigman, but he shrugged it off and tries to enjoy it. Kurt joined him not long after, looking much more comfortable in the light, than Zisteau would probably ever feel.

"You want to go back?" Zisteau asked, looking at Kurt in the light. Truly seeing him for the first time. He was tall, lanky, but looked far too thin to be considered healthy, and his skin was pale. Fragile, that's how Zisteau would describe him, that's how he looked. He was a broken man, far from being whole again.

"Yeah." Was Kurt's answer.

It was silent as they walked, any of the happiness Kurt had last night seemed to have just disappeared. But now, now Zisteau had a plan. He wanted Kurt to be happy, wanted to see an actual smile on the shy mans face. And, he was determined to get that smile, and maybe, just maybe, his plan would work, he could only really hope though. It was a considerable walk back to the observatory, and the whole time it was quiet, which bugged Zisteau slightly, but he shoved that feeling aside.

"Hey, I'm going to bed." Kurt said as soon as they reached the building.

It wasn't even that late, but Zisteau wasn't going to argue. "Okay, night, Kurt."

Kurt nodded and disappeared down the stairs. Zisteau went into a storage room type thing and dug around in some chests, trying to find something specific. Once he found it, he went up into the dome, trying to be quiet. He took some of the gold he had found and held it over a flint and steel to soften the metal enough to mold it. Once he had, he snapped it around a couple pieces of glass and sat it aside, waiting for it to cool off some. Usually, no one would bs able to do what he just did, but since he was a pigman, heat didn't bother him at all.

He laid back and looked up at the stars. Not just seeing a bunch of little lights in the sky. They were each unique, not one the same as the other, but they all came together to create a bigger picture. He could see why Kurt loved the stars so much, they were beautiful, and he couldn't help but stare at them for hours, watching them twinkle as the moon moved across the sky closely. Eventually though, he pulled himself off if the ground and sat the small device out of sight and went back down to the couch where he'd been sleeping, and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The next day, he tried to act normal around Kurt, though he was excited, to say the least. He wanted to give Kurt the rudimentary telescope. But he waited, patiently, though he found it difficult, or impatient, as he'd found out what that word meant. Though, he was still worried, especially when he saw the dark circles under Kurt's blue eyes and the new cuts on his wrist. He wore a thin line instead of a smile, but bit his tongue, knowing Kurt wouldn't talk to him, he never did, and that saddened Zisteau, especially since he felt they were fairly close friends. Eventually, as night started falling, he got too impatient.

"Hey Kurt, can we go look at the stars?" Zisteau asked, having a lot less trouble talking than he used too; Kurt had helped him tremendously, and he was thankful for that. He felt like he fit in a little better than before.

"Sure." Kurt replied emotionlessly.

They headed up into the dome quietly. Kurt instantly laid down on the floor to look at the stars, but Zisteau grabbed the small telescope from where he'd left it the night before. He looked through it briefly, seeing that it worked really well. He sat beside Kurt, holding the telescope out of sight.

"Hey, Kurt."

"Hmm?" Was Kurt's reply.

"I uh... I made this for you." He replied, handing the telescope to Kurt.

"You-You made this?" Kurt asked in disbelief, emotion filling his blue eyes, which seemed so much brighter now than they had before.

"Yeah. You said you didn't have one, and you told me how the glass magnifies things, so I... Figured if I put..... multiple pieces together it would work." His English was definitely still shaky, buy better, none the less.

"It's-it's beautiful Zisteau...thank you." Kurt says, a small smile tugging at his lips.

It wasn't a full smile, but it was getting closer, he pondered. He looked into Kurt's blue eyes, and felt like he could drown in them if he looked for too long, but he didn't feel like he could look away. He didn't know if he wanted to. Something in those blue eyes intrigued him, and a weird pang in his heart was unexpected, and he didn't know what it was. Happiness, he decided, he was happy that Kurt was happy, or at least a little happy. He finally tore his gaze from Kurt and looked up at the night sky.

"Your welcome." Zisteau said quietly. "You like it?"

"Of course, its amazing." Kurt said in awe as he looked through the telescope, seeing the stars in a whole new way.

Zisteau just sat and watched, feeling content with himself, though he still questioned that pang in his heart.

The following nights were spent examining the stars using the telescope, which Kurt loved, and that brought Zisteau happiness. He felt proud, being able to put even a small smile on the shy mans face. Everytime Kurt did smile, Zisteau's heart swelled with joy. Something about even that small smile got to him in a weird a way that he didn't understand. Zisteau felt like he needed to do everything in his power to make Kurt happy. He didn't know why, he just did.

Ons morning in particular, Zisteau made breakfast for the two, though he had struggled, their burnt toast was barely edible, but the coffee had been amazing, as Kurt had said. Even that made his heart swell. He didn't know what was going on with himself, but whatever it was, he was ok with it.

"Zisteau, I was thinking we could go on a walk today." Kurt mentioned one morning over coffee.

"Yeah, that would be nice." Was Zisteau's reply as he sipped his coffee.

A little while later the two headed out of the observatory and down the road, which lead into a small forest. It was quiet the whole time as they walked, but it wasn't awkward or tense like a few times before. Eventually the reached a small plains biome and took a seat in the soft green grass.

"Zisteau... I-I wanted to talk." Kurt started quietly.

Zisteau just nodded, waiting for the other to continue.

"I want to thank you, I guess. You've helped me quiet a bit since I first met you in spawn."

"No need to thank me, Kurt, I'm just being a good friend."

"But I've basically stopped cutting because of you.... And I actually sorta try, I guess. I just, I'm glad to have you as a friend." Kurt rambled, his blue eyes briefly meeting Zisteau's blue-green, though it didn't last long as his gaze was cast back upon the grass, which swayed slightly in the breeze.

That word, something about it didn't feel right, to Zisteau. Friend. But, he was Kurt's friend, so why did it feel weird to be called that. "I'm glad to have you as a friend too."

"That day... That day I ran into you... I uh... I was going to kill myself. I was actually going to do it, Zisteau, but you stopped me, you saved my pathetic life, and somehow, I'm glad you did."

Zisteau just stared at Kurt in shock; he had been so close to doing it, yet he had been the reason he hadn't. It just happened to be the exact moment he decided to leave home to explore. It had been on a whim, leaving, but he was glad he did. That random decision saved Kurt's life. "I'm glad too, Kurt."

It was quiet, for a while as the two listened to the wind softly blowing through the leaves and this distant sound of birds chirping.

"Why did you leave the nether? Not the usual answer, but really, why?" Kurt asked breaking the peaceful silence that had been between them.

Zisteau glanced at Kurt briefly, finding those blue eyes trained on him. "I don't know, really. It was just something I did. I hadn't thought it through, I just kinda did it."

"Oh..." Was all Kurt said.

Zisteau couldn't tell if Kurt was disappointed or happy. Sometimes Zisteau could read him like an open book and other times, he was as difficult to read as hieroglyphics. A loud rumble of thunder and an instant down pour a had the two on their feet, and running side by side, trying to get out of the rain, which seemed to come down in sheets.

They reached the porch of the observatory and both hunched over, breathing heavy. A laugh. A sound so amazing Zisteau wasn't sure it was real. But when he looked up, he saw Kurt with a wide smile, an actual smile, and his eyes crinkling from laughing. Zisteau couldn't help but smile and laugh along with him. But that image, of Kurt smiling brightly and laughing was one he'd remember forever.

Suddenly, out of nowhere Kurt put his lips to Zisteau's and was kissing him. Zisteau didn't even realize what was happening, but he was kissing back, and it felt so right. His hands moved up Kurt's thin frame until his fingers tangled in Kurt's short brown hair and the kiss deepened. Kurt's arms wrapped around the pigman's waist, bringing him closer as the rain poured down around them and thunder rumbled in the distance, an occasional bright strike of lightning, but all that was gone, as it was only those two in the world at that moment, a pigman and human who was slowly healing.

Eventually Kurt pulled away, his face as red as a tomato. "I uh... I... We... Uh..." Was all Kurt managed to say before sighing.

Zisteau's smile only grew. "I think I like you." Were the only words could think to say.

"Uh yeah... I think that's a little obvious." Kurt replied with a sly smile.

Zisteau just laughed, and Kurt laughed with him, truly laughed, a sound Zisteau liked more than any other, he found. Zisteau brought a scarred hand up, running his fingers along Kurt's jawline. He still didn't fully understand this world, or how it really worked, but he did understand one thing, he had feelings for Kurt, and that made Kurt happy.

"Zisteau." Kurt said, his blue eyes, which seemed so much brighter now. "I wanna take this slow." Though worry and pain were still in those blue eyes, but maybe not as much.

"I'm ok with that." Zisteau said gently, his gaze never leaving Kurt.

They finally headed into the building, finding towels to dry off with a fresh sets of clothes. After a while, they ended up on the couch, both with steaming cups of coffee. Kurt started shiver, so Zisteau scooted closer and wrapped an arm around the other, try to share his body heat, which he seemed to radiate. Kurt glanced up at Zisteau, giving him a small smile and rested his head on the pigman's chest.

"Kurt.... When did you cut last?" Zisteau asked gently, taking one of Kurt's thin wrists in his hand.

"Uh.... Like two days ago." Was Kurt's reply.

Of course Zisteau was worried, but he knew worrying would only make it worse. "I'm taking that blade later and hiding it."

"I know you will."

"I just, I hate seeing it. I don't like seeing you hurting yourself. I'm not gonna make you stop, but I wish you would."

"I know Zisteau, and I want to stop, for both of us, but I don't know how."

"Well I'll help in whatever way I can."

Kurt just gave him a small smile, and the two went back to a comfortable silence, the only sound the rain hitting the roof and the occasional rumble of thunder in the distance.

The two walk through town side by side, just enjoying the day. Zisteau had found being out in the sun was becoming more and more enjoyable, much to Kurt's liking, as he liked to just walk, never having a destination. It really seemed to help him, especially if Zisteau was by his side. His presence seemed to ease some of his boyfriends, as he had learned it was called, pain. He was willing to do whatever it took to help Kurt, he'd promised himself he would long ago that he would. And they come so far since then, and Kurt smiled and laugh far more often, and just seemed to enjoy life more.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Zisteau asked, glancing sidelong at his boyfriend.

"Life."

"Life?"

"Yeah, just life in general."

Zisteau gave him a skeptical look, he knew Kurt still wasn't a very open person, but he could when the other wasn't telling him everything. "What aren't you telling me?"

"You can read my like a book." Kurt commented with a chuckle.

"That I can. But what's bugging you?"

"Its not really something that's bugging me, I guess, just something I've been thinking a lot about it lately." Kurt says, suddenly stopping, causing Zisteau to stop as well.

"Ok...?"

"It's just.... I love you, Zisteau."

Zisteau just stared at his boyfriend for a second, taking in those words. Love. It was crazy, it was strange, it brought two totally different people together. It gave him Kurt. It allowed him to help the other. And, it allowed him to feel something so deep for the other, that he just knew, it was truly love.

"I love you too Kurt." Zisteau says, brushing his fingers on Kurt's face, a smile growing on his face.

He leaned in and kissed Kurt. He loved the way Kurt instantly started kissing back and how he pulled him closer. He couldn't help the satisfied sound that escaped him as the kiss deepened and lead into another. When he first left home, he never, ever would've imagined himself kissing someone, loving someone. Each kiss lead into another, each one getting deeper as the they pulled each other impossibly close. Kurt's hands slipped under the t-shirt Zisteau wore, surprising him, causing him to gasp.

"I-I never knew you were so forward." Zisteau breathed out, his forehead resting against Kurt's.

"I didn't either." Kurt chuckled breathlessly, a huge smile plastered on his face.

They just stared at each other for what felt like the longest time, just smiling, breathing heavily, and continuing to fall hard for each other.

"Lets head home, Zisteau." Kurt said after a while.

"Yeah, home." Zisteau said as he finally stepped away from his lover.

They walked hand in hand, through the small town as they made their way back to the observatory, their home. It was a quiet evening, spent enjoying each others company, and maybe a kiss or two, or more, but who was counting? A bottle of scotch was passed between them long after the sun had set. They didn't talk too much, as they gazed at the stars, lying next to each other on the floor. It was peaceful, perfect even.

"Zisteau, I wanna thank you."

"Thank me, for what?"

"Saving my life."

Zisteau sent him a confused look.

"You know, when we first met I wanted to kill myself."

"I know."

"Let me finish." Kurt chuckled, running his fingers along Zisteau's face. "I was prepared to, I was gonna do it that day. But, you, something about you made me say yes and let you into my life. So yes, thank you for saving my life. Your the only reason I'm alive today Zisteau."

Zisteau put a hand over the one on his face. "Well I'm glad I did too, I couldn't imagine living without you."

"How do I even deserve you?"

"I ask myself the same thing, you know."

"Ah, I love you Zisteau."

"I love you too, Kurt."

Zisteau couldn't help but smile into the kiss they shared, for he was far too happy. Whatever had convinced him to leave home that day, he wasn't sure, but he was glad he did, for he couldn't imagine a world without Kurt. He couldn't imagine never seeing him smile, hearing him laugh, hearing that voice he could listen to endlessly. The first kiss lead into another, and another, and the world around them disappeared, for it was only them in the world. A lucky pigman and a far from broken human who just happened to fall in love.