Letting Go Chpt. 18
Wednesday, January 27th, 2016 04:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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mindcrackloveSomethings are truly bittersweet
Dezeray awoke to soft snoring and strong arms wrapped around her. She took a deep breath, taking in MC's intoxicating smell and resting her head on his bare chest, listening to his heart beating rhythmically. She remembered last night, and just how badly she had wanted that, but she also remembered how she just couldn't handle it because of what happened with Max. She felt MC stir beside her, his blue eyes almost instantly meeting her blue-green.
"Good morning." She says around a yawn.
"How'd you sleep?" MC asks, bitting his bottom lip.
"I slept well." She says with a smile, which quickly fell to a frown. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing Dezzy." MC says, giving her a smile that she could tell was fake.
She slowly disentangled herself from MC and stood up, stretching. MC's eyes were trained on her, unable to look away. She sent him a smile and grabbed her clothes, pulling them back on. She tossed MC his shirt and sat back down on the bed, looking at him intently. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what.
"You wanna go eat?" She questioned once MC was dressed.
"Sure." MC replied.
They started leaving the room and Dezeray just couldn't not question him. "MC... what's wrong, really?"
"I'm just.... I'm sorry about last night." MC says sadly.
"Woah, woah, what's going on?" Zisteau asks, getting slightly defensive.
"Nothing happened dad, I promise." Dezeray says.
Zisteau gives her a look, but continues down the hall.
"It wasn't your fault MC and you know that."
"I know.... but I just feel like I'm moving to fast for you and I'm pressuring you into something you're not ready for."
"MC, listen to me." Dezeray says sternly. "I love you, so much, and I wanted that, there's no denying it. You're not moving too fast MC, this is just something I have to get over."
MC lets out a deep sigh. "I love you too."
She moves to hug him, holding him close and resting her head in the crook of his neck.
"I love you so, so much Dezzy." MC says, kissing her head.
"I love you too MC, I always will." She murmurs, never wanting to let go.
After a long while, they finally move away from each other, sharing a small smile. They both head into the kitchen, where Kurt and Zisteau are kissing, while Kurt was attempting to cook. They took a seat at the table, awaiting the two others to join them, which they eventually did.
"You have your first counseling session today Dez." Zisteau says, glancing at her.
"Alright." Dezeray responds.
"It's right before lunch, so I was figuring we'd go there then go out to lunch."
"Sounds good."
"I actually have to get going Dez." MC says, glancing up from his phone.
"I'll walk you to the door." Dezeray says, standing up.
They reach the door and Dezeray wraps her arms around MC's neck. MC sends her a smile before pressing their lips together, kissing her gently.
"I love you." Dezeray says after they pull away.
"I love you too." MC responded. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah."
MC left with a wave. Dezeray made her way back to the kitchen, where she took a seat, getting a look from Zisteau.
"What?" She asked, looking at Zisteau confused.
"What was that about this morning?"
"Oh.... that...." Dezeray says, glancing done at her lap, before her eyes met Zisteau's again. "Last night, we uh.... almost, you know..... and I couldn't do it because of what happened with Max.... and..... MC was blaming it on himself...." She finishes awkwardly.
"Oh..." Zisteau says, looking almost unsure of what to say. "Anyway.... why don't you go get around so we can head to counseling."
"Okay." Dezeray says, getting up and heading into her room.
She turned on the shower, letting it warm up before stripping down and stepping in. She almost instantly felt some tension from her shoulders release. She loved hot showers. After she was out and dried off, she pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a low cut white shirt. She brushed out her hair and pulled it back into a high ponytail. It was weird, seeing herself like this, she looked cheery and happy.
She headed out into the living room and sat on the couch, pulling her legs up close to herself. People always say girls take longer to get around then guys, but here was proof that they were wrong, Dezeray pondered as she waited at least twenty minutes for them. They did eventually show though and they all headed out to the convertible and Kurt started driving. It was a nice summer day. It wasn't as hot as the west coast, but it was hot enough, especially for how early in summer it was.
They reached a small building, which looked oddly out of place among the skyscrapers. They got out and walked in. The reception area was small and had a few chairs and a desk. The three walked up to the desk, where a woman smiled cheerily at them.
"How can I help you?"
"We're here for Dezeray's appointment." Kurt replies.
"Last name?"
"Hunter."
"Take a seat and we'll be with you shortly."
They all take a seat in the, very small, reception area. It was really quiet, which Dezeray didn't like, it was almost unnerving, if she was to be honest. This place gave her an eerie feeling, but she couldn't tell why.
"Dezeray." She heard from a, not so cheery, sounding person.
She took a deep breath and stood up, walking towards the woman standing in a doorway. Zisteau and Kurt followed behind. They were lead back to an office and they all went in, being greeted by a woman with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, a thin face, and a bright smile.
"Hello, just take a seat and we shall begin."
Dezeray sat in between Zisteau and Kurt, feeling overly uncomfortable with the situation.
"Dezeray, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Anne." The woman, Anne, says, holding out her hand.
Dezeray shakes it. "It's nice to meet you too."
"And you must be her parents."
"Yes, I'm Zisteau and this is Kurt." Zisteau says, also shaking her hand.
"Alright, well Dezeray, I know this is gonna be a hard thing for you to do, but could you please describe what happened that night please." Anne says, her smile falling to a thin line and her tone becoming serious.
Dezeray takes a deep breath and looks down at her scar filled wrists, not wanting to meet Anne's gaze. "Max had been wanting to take me on a date, and I agreed, even though MC had warned me about him. We went out to dinner, and it was nice, we talked about living on the west coast and moving here. After dinner, it was still relatively early, so we decided to go to his house. His parents weren't home, which I thought nothing of at first." Dezeray stops for a second, taking a deep breath and willing the tears building up to go away. "Then he pushed me back onto the couch.... and I told him no..... but he didn't listen to me.... he tied my wrists together and...." Her voice trailed off as tears slowly fell down her cheeks.
"Thank you for telling me Dezeray, I know how hard it is."
Dezeray wipes at her face, wanting the tears to be gone. She didn't want to cry anymore. She had done far too much of it in her life.
"Who is MC?" Anne questions, getting Dezeray's attention again.
"My boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?"
"Yeah.... we got together about a month ago."
"And, he warned you about Max? How?"
"He told me he wasn't the best person. That he only wanted me because I was just another pretty face..... and he was right. I was stupid not to listen to him."
"You are not stupid Dezeray, don't ever say that. Sometimes people are just too blinded by what they want to see the truth."
"I guess." Dezeray says sadly, biting her lip.
"How are you coping now?"
"I'm okay....I guess. Better than I have been at least."
"Did something happen recently?"
"MC and I.... we uh.... almost did something.... but I couldn't because it reminded me of Max.... and.... I saw that image of him and I couldn't do anything but break down and cry..."
"I just have one other thing to discuss, then we can be done for today."
Dezeray nodded, bitting her lip, not wanting to relive anymore moments.
"Your parents, your real parents that is, can you tell me what happened?"
Dezeray pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, letting out a deep, shuddering breath. If talking about Max wasn't bad enough, now she had to talk about her parents death. She felt a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. This was so difficult, almost too difficult.
"I was seven when they died." Dezeray starts, her voice muffled by her legs. "We were on our way home from a thanksgiving dinner and it was really late and storming. There was a drunk driver and he hit our car and it flipped. My head hit the window and I passed out..... but I woke up in a hospital a day or so later.... no one told me what had happened, they were all avoiding the question. But, the doctor eventually told me that they had both been killed during the accident. The drunk driver had lived with minor injuries, but he was sentenced to jail for life." She finishes, unmoving, not wanting anyone to see her tears.
"Thank you for telling me Dezeray, we can be done with this for today, though Zisteau, Kurt, we have a few things to discuss."
"Do you want me to leave?" Dezeray questions.
"If you would."
Dezeray nods and stands up, heading out to the hall, where she sunk to the ground, hugging her knees close to herself, and resting her head on her knees. She honestly hadn't known what to expect from today, but it had been a thousand times worse than she expected. She never, ever wanted to do that again. Living through it once was bad enough.
"I know this has been tough on you guys, but I thank you for sticking with her and not giving up." Anne says, addressing Kurt and Zisteau after Dezeray had left.
"Well, it's not like we were just gonna give up on her." Zisteau replies.
"True. Anyway, I think she has PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder."
"How do you treat that?" Kurt questions.
"Stuff like we did today, it's called exposure therapy. We have her recall those times and relive them through memories. It's one of the best and most effective cures."
"Alright." Kurt says, sounding very unsure.
"We also need to discuss the court case, have you told her about it yet?"
"No, we didn't want her to be stressed out about it." Zisteau replies.
"Well, you should probably tell her soon, since she'll need to be questioned during it and she will have to see Max again, which could be good or bad."
"Good or bad?" Kurt questions.
"Seeing him could either help her get over her PTSD, or it could trigger a relapse."
"Oh...."
"Lets just hope it helps her."
"Yeah."
"Alright, well that's all for today, I'll see you again in a few weeks."
Dezeray glances up as she hears a door opening. She sees Zisteau and Kurt, who instantly looked at her, worry evident on their faces.
"You ready to go?" Zisteau asks gently.
Dezeray nods, and grabs the hand that was held out to her and pulls herself up. They walk out in silence. Dezeray just honestly wasn't sure what to do. She had felt like she had come so far, yet she felt like she was tumbling back into darkness at the same time.
"Anything you want for dinner?" Kurt asks, pulling out of the parking lot.
Dezeray shrugs. "Whatever is fine."
Kurt glances at her, a worried expression on his face, but he continues driving. They end up at a Mexican restaurant, which smelled amazing, Dezeray found. They headed in and got seated. It was quiet for the longest time, but eventually, Zisteau did speak up.
"Dezeray, we need to tell you something."
"What?"
"You will have to attend, and be a part of the court case."
Dezeray gulped. "The court case?"
"About what happened with Max."
"When?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay." Dezeray says, bitting her lip.
"Hey, Dezzy, I was thinking we could pick up MC and go to the beach." Kurt says, obviously trying to brighten the mood.
A smile tugs at Dezeray's lips. "That would great, actually."
"Awesome, once were finished her we'll run home and get our stuff then pick MC up and head there."
"Great."
Maybe there was always a bright side to things. For even within the bad days, there was always good moments.
Dezeray awoke to soft snoring and strong arms wrapped around her. She took a deep breath, taking in MC's intoxicating smell and resting her head on his bare chest, listening to his heart beating rhythmically. She remembered last night, and just how badly she had wanted that, but she also remembered how she just couldn't handle it because of what happened with Max. She felt MC stir beside her, his blue eyes almost instantly meeting her blue-green.
"Good morning." She says around a yawn.
"How'd you sleep?" MC asks, bitting his bottom lip.
"I slept well." She says with a smile, which quickly fell to a frown. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing Dezzy." MC says, giving her a smile that she could tell was fake.
She slowly disentangled herself from MC and stood up, stretching. MC's eyes were trained on her, unable to look away. She sent him a smile and grabbed her clothes, pulling them back on. She tossed MC his shirt and sat back down on the bed, looking at him intently. She knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what.
"You wanna go eat?" She questioned once MC was dressed.
"Sure." MC replied.
They started leaving the room and Dezeray just couldn't not question him. "MC... what's wrong, really?"
"I'm just.... I'm sorry about last night." MC says sadly.
"Woah, woah, what's going on?" Zisteau asks, getting slightly defensive.
"Nothing happened dad, I promise." Dezeray says.
Zisteau gives her a look, but continues down the hall.
"It wasn't your fault MC and you know that."
"I know.... but I just feel like I'm moving to fast for you and I'm pressuring you into something you're not ready for."
"MC, listen to me." Dezeray says sternly. "I love you, so much, and I wanted that, there's no denying it. You're not moving too fast MC, this is just something I have to get over."
MC lets out a deep sigh. "I love you too."
She moves to hug him, holding him close and resting her head in the crook of his neck.
"I love you so, so much Dezzy." MC says, kissing her head.
"I love you too MC, I always will." She murmurs, never wanting to let go.
After a long while, they finally move away from each other, sharing a small smile. They both head into the kitchen, where Kurt and Zisteau are kissing, while Kurt was attempting to cook. They took a seat at the table, awaiting the two others to join them, which they eventually did.
"You have your first counseling session today Dez." Zisteau says, glancing at her.
"Alright." Dezeray responds.
"It's right before lunch, so I was figuring we'd go there then go out to lunch."
"Sounds good."
"I actually have to get going Dez." MC says, glancing up from his phone.
"I'll walk you to the door." Dezeray says, standing up.
They reach the door and Dezeray wraps her arms around MC's neck. MC sends her a smile before pressing their lips together, kissing her gently.
"I love you." Dezeray says after they pull away.
"I love you too." MC responded. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah."
MC left with a wave. Dezeray made her way back to the kitchen, where she took a seat, getting a look from Zisteau.
"What?" She asked, looking at Zisteau confused.
"What was that about this morning?"
"Oh.... that...." Dezeray says, glancing done at her lap, before her eyes met Zisteau's again. "Last night, we uh.... almost, you know..... and I couldn't do it because of what happened with Max.... and..... MC was blaming it on himself...." She finishes awkwardly.
"Oh..." Zisteau says, looking almost unsure of what to say. "Anyway.... why don't you go get around so we can head to counseling."
"Okay." Dezeray says, getting up and heading into her room.
She turned on the shower, letting it warm up before stripping down and stepping in. She almost instantly felt some tension from her shoulders release. She loved hot showers. After she was out and dried off, she pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a low cut white shirt. She brushed out her hair and pulled it back into a high ponytail. It was weird, seeing herself like this, she looked cheery and happy.
She headed out into the living room and sat on the couch, pulling her legs up close to herself. People always say girls take longer to get around then guys, but here was proof that they were wrong, Dezeray pondered as she waited at least twenty minutes for them. They did eventually show though and they all headed out to the convertible and Kurt started driving. It was a nice summer day. It wasn't as hot as the west coast, but it was hot enough, especially for how early in summer it was.
They reached a small building, which looked oddly out of place among the skyscrapers. They got out and walked in. The reception area was small and had a few chairs and a desk. The three walked up to the desk, where a woman smiled cheerily at them.
"How can I help you?"
"We're here for Dezeray's appointment." Kurt replies.
"Last name?"
"Hunter."
"Take a seat and we'll be with you shortly."
They all take a seat in the, very small, reception area. It was really quiet, which Dezeray didn't like, it was almost unnerving, if she was to be honest. This place gave her an eerie feeling, but she couldn't tell why.
"Dezeray." She heard from a, not so cheery, sounding person.
She took a deep breath and stood up, walking towards the woman standing in a doorway. Zisteau and Kurt followed behind. They were lead back to an office and they all went in, being greeted by a woman with dark brown hair, hazel eyes, a thin face, and a bright smile.
"Hello, just take a seat and we shall begin."
Dezeray sat in between Zisteau and Kurt, feeling overly uncomfortable with the situation.
"Dezeray, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Anne." The woman, Anne, says, holding out her hand.
Dezeray shakes it. "It's nice to meet you too."
"And you must be her parents."
"Yes, I'm Zisteau and this is Kurt." Zisteau says, also shaking her hand.
"Alright, well Dezeray, I know this is gonna be a hard thing for you to do, but could you please describe what happened that night please." Anne says, her smile falling to a thin line and her tone becoming serious.
Dezeray takes a deep breath and looks down at her scar filled wrists, not wanting to meet Anne's gaze. "Max had been wanting to take me on a date, and I agreed, even though MC had warned me about him. We went out to dinner, and it was nice, we talked about living on the west coast and moving here. After dinner, it was still relatively early, so we decided to go to his house. His parents weren't home, which I thought nothing of at first." Dezeray stops for a second, taking a deep breath and willing the tears building up to go away. "Then he pushed me back onto the couch.... and I told him no..... but he didn't listen to me.... he tied my wrists together and...." Her voice trailed off as tears slowly fell down her cheeks.
"Thank you for telling me Dezeray, I know how hard it is."
Dezeray wipes at her face, wanting the tears to be gone. She didn't want to cry anymore. She had done far too much of it in her life.
"Who is MC?" Anne questions, getting Dezeray's attention again.
"My boyfriend."
"Boyfriend?"
"Yeah.... we got together about a month ago."
"And, he warned you about Max? How?"
"He told me he wasn't the best person. That he only wanted me because I was just another pretty face..... and he was right. I was stupid not to listen to him."
"You are not stupid Dezeray, don't ever say that. Sometimes people are just too blinded by what they want to see the truth."
"I guess." Dezeray says sadly, biting her lip.
"How are you coping now?"
"I'm okay....I guess. Better than I have been at least."
"Did something happen recently?"
"MC and I.... we uh.... almost did something.... but I couldn't because it reminded me of Max.... and.... I saw that image of him and I couldn't do anything but break down and cry..."
"I just have one other thing to discuss, then we can be done for today."
Dezeray nodded, bitting her lip, not wanting to relive anymore moments.
"Your parents, your real parents that is, can you tell me what happened?"
Dezeray pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, letting out a deep, shuddering breath. If talking about Max wasn't bad enough, now she had to talk about her parents death. She felt a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. This was so difficult, almost too difficult.
"I was seven when they died." Dezeray starts, her voice muffled by her legs. "We were on our way home from a thanksgiving dinner and it was really late and storming. There was a drunk driver and he hit our car and it flipped. My head hit the window and I passed out..... but I woke up in a hospital a day or so later.... no one told me what had happened, they were all avoiding the question. But, the doctor eventually told me that they had both been killed during the accident. The drunk driver had lived with minor injuries, but he was sentenced to jail for life." She finishes, unmoving, not wanting anyone to see her tears.
"Thank you for telling me Dezeray, we can be done with this for today, though Zisteau, Kurt, we have a few things to discuss."
"Do you want me to leave?" Dezeray questions.
"If you would."
Dezeray nods and stands up, heading out to the hall, where she sunk to the ground, hugging her knees close to herself, and resting her head on her knees. She honestly hadn't known what to expect from today, but it had been a thousand times worse than she expected. She never, ever wanted to do that again. Living through it once was bad enough.
"I know this has been tough on you guys, but I thank you for sticking with her and not giving up." Anne says, addressing Kurt and Zisteau after Dezeray had left.
"Well, it's not like we were just gonna give up on her." Zisteau replies.
"True. Anyway, I think she has PTSD, or post traumatic stress disorder."
"How do you treat that?" Kurt questions.
"Stuff like we did today, it's called exposure therapy. We have her recall those times and relive them through memories. It's one of the best and most effective cures."
"Alright." Kurt says, sounding very unsure.
"We also need to discuss the court case, have you told her about it yet?"
"No, we didn't want her to be stressed out about it." Zisteau replies.
"Well, you should probably tell her soon, since she'll need to be questioned during it and she will have to see Max again, which could be good or bad."
"Good or bad?" Kurt questions.
"Seeing him could either help her get over her PTSD, or it could trigger a relapse."
"Oh...."
"Lets just hope it helps her."
"Yeah."
"Alright, well that's all for today, I'll see you again in a few weeks."
Dezeray glances up as she hears a door opening. She sees Zisteau and Kurt, who instantly looked at her, worry evident on their faces.
"You ready to go?" Zisteau asks gently.
Dezeray nods, and grabs the hand that was held out to her and pulls herself up. They walk out in silence. Dezeray just honestly wasn't sure what to do. She had felt like she had come so far, yet she felt like she was tumbling back into darkness at the same time.
"Anything you want for dinner?" Kurt asks, pulling out of the parking lot.
Dezeray shrugs. "Whatever is fine."
Kurt glances at her, a worried expression on his face, but he continues driving. They end up at a Mexican restaurant, which smelled amazing, Dezeray found. They headed in and got seated. It was quiet for the longest time, but eventually, Zisteau did speak up.
"Dezeray, we need to tell you something."
"What?"
"You will have to attend, and be a part of the court case."
Dezeray gulped. "The court case?"
"About what happened with Max."
"When?"
"Two weeks."
"Okay." Dezeray says, bitting her lip.
"Hey, Dezzy, I was thinking we could pick up MC and go to the beach." Kurt says, obviously trying to brighten the mood.
A smile tugs at Dezeray's lips. "That would great, actually."
"Awesome, once were finished her we'll run home and get our stuff then pick MC up and head there."
"Great."
Maybe there was always a bright side to things. For even within the bad days, there was always good moments.
Tags:
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Date: Wednesday, January 27th, 2016 11:40 pm (UTC)Your hear that Bubbles HELP Dez NOT hurt, understand? Don't make me get a pitchfork.
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Date: Wednesday, January 27th, 2016 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 06:54 am (UTC)-Observing Anon
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Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 07:15 am (UTC)-the lurkiest lurker
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Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 11:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 03:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 03:00 pm (UTC)Oh those launch codes! I think I put them in my coat pocket I'll have to check ;)
Nothing to see here Bubbles move along :)
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Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 02:55 pm (UTC)*sees Bubbles looking at her*
Don't mind me Bubbles, you get back to your writing :)
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Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 07:16 am (UTC)-the lurkiest lurker
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Date: Thursday, January 28th, 2016 11:56 am (UTC)