First panel
Thursday, June 4th, 2015 11:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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mindcrackloveHey guys Bubbles here! So this one also isn't beta tested so sorry for any mistakes. I think that's all
BYE!!!! ^_^
(Trigger warning- anxiety)
(Any of the times Kurt zones out it will be marked with ~~~~ at the beginning and the end)
Kurt's POV
This is going to be my first panel, and I'm nervous.... to say the least. my anxiety has been really bad the past few weeks. I would have just not come, but it was something I had promised for my viewers since they reached the charity goal.
I stood nervously behind stage, waiting to face the crowds. my palms are sweating, and I'm shaking ever so slightly. I had backed my self into a corner, away from the rest of the staff and the other Mindcrackers that had attended. I ran a shaky hand through my hair, man I'm starting to act like Guude.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped.
"Oh, hey, sorry... didn't mean to scare you." Zisteau says.
I look up and see Z standing in front of me.
"You ok?" Z asks
"I-I don't... know" I say
Z sends me a look. "anxiety?"
I nod. Z instantly brings me into a hug. I take a few deep breaths, attempting to calm myself. I nuzzle into Z, he really helps calm me. I let my mind wander to it's happy place, which happens to be the first time I got to see Z in person.
~~~~
I stepped off the plane with butterfly's in my stomach. I grab my luggage and head out towards the main entrance.
I see the flash of a purple twitch hoodie and I'm instantly being hugged. I nuzzle into Z, my heart fluttering. I step back slightly taking in Z's looks, I had only ever seen pictures, but he was even better than I had imagined.
We stand there in a comfortable silence, just looking at each other. I look into the eyes of the man I hopelessly fell for, the one person I can truly say I ever actually loved.
"It's so great to see you." Z says, finally breaking the silence.
"It is indeed." I say, which causes Z to laugh.
"You ready to head to my place or are we just going to stand here staring at each other like we are long lost lovers." Z asks jokingly.
I instantly blush and look away.
"Hey, Kurt, it's ok" Z says gently turning my head so I'm looking at him again. "because that's exactly what we are, two 'lovers' seeing each other for the first time."
I blush even more, which I didn't think possible. "y-yeah"
"Great" Z says and lightly brushes his fingers over my cheek, which sends shivers down my spine.
Z grabs my bag with one hand, and intertwines our fingers with the other. I feel my heart flutter.
~~~~
"Kurt?" Z asks, concern in his eyes
I lift up my head.
"S-sorry, I kinda shut out the world again." I say, slightly embarrassed.
"Hey, it's ok" Z says rubbing circles into the back of my hands with his thumbs.
I look over Z's shoulder and see Guude making his way over to us. I instantly pull my hands away and take a step back, regretfully. Z sends me a look.
"We should be set to start in a few minutes, so get ready." Guude says
"O-O-Ok" I stutter out.
"You ok guy?"
"Just nervous" I say clutching my hands together, trying to reduce the shaking.
"Ok...." Guude says and turns to walk away.
I let out a sigh, Z is instantly closer to me and massaging my way to tense shoulders.
"Take it easy, it will be ok." Z says soothingly
"B-B-But I'm scared of all the people Tyler, what will they think of me, what if..." I say but am cut short by Z lightly brushing his lips against mine.
"Don't worry Kurt.... they will love you, but not as much as me." Z says gently stroking my cheek.
I take a deep breath. "ok"
"Everyone to stage." Guude calls out.
I take another shaky breath and start walking with Z by my side.
I get to the stage and there are so many people. I start shaking slightly. I can do this. I walk over and sit in my chair. I'm on the edge of the stage, with Z to my left. There are a lot of us here, so we have to sit considerably close, which is fine by me since Z is really close.
Everyone comes on stage and the crowd goes crazy. I feel a hand on my thigh. I glance at Z and give him a weak smile, which must have been more of a grimace, by the concern apparent in his eyes.
"You gonna be ok, if not we can leave the stage." Z says
"No... I will be ok." I say
"Ok" Z says and gently squeezes my leg, which sends shivers up my spine.
Guude starts introducing everyone, going down the line. When he gets to me I tentatively wave to the audience. Guude explains a few things and starts with the preselected questions.
"This one is for Kurt...... What will be your reaction when you reach the farlands?"
I feel Z intertwine out fingers and give my hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I don't think people actually know how monumental a task it actually is... people have estimated it will take 148 hours walking in a straight line on a super flat world... so with 3 episodes a week, 30 minutes each, I don't really have a prepared reaction." I say trying to keep the shaking out of my voice.
Guude starts talking again. I glance at Z, who has a slight look of pain in his eyes. I send him a look and he motions to our hands. I notice I had Z's hand in basically a death grip. I release his hand and send him an apologetic look.
I had scanned the list of questions and saw I only had the one... thankfully. I let my mind wander again, blocking out the world.
I thought back to the start of me and Z's relationship.
~~~~
Ever since UHC season 7, me and Z had grown really close. We started doing more co-ops, and sometimes talked off camera. That was until almost 7 months ago, I had started feeling different towards Z, not in a bad way though, it honestly confused the crap out if me, I would get butterfly's in my stomach when ever his name would show up on Skype, or he would randomly txt me, or even when someone mentioned his name. I was so confused by it, I had never felt like this towards anyone.
Z invited me to go caving, which I happily accepted the request. we got on a Skype call, it would be off camera, as I had brought out a bottle of single malt scotch.
I was maybe 5 glasses in and had no sense left as to what I was saying, I'm guessing Z didn't either. I logged off of the server.
"Z.... I don't know what to do or how to feel." I say slurring slightly
"About what?" Z asks slightly slurring as well
"You"
"Me?"
"Yeah, you, I get this weird tingly warm feeling in my body when ever your around me, and when ever your mentioned I get butterfly's in my stomach.... I just don't know"
"Oh...."
I sigh loudly.
"Kurt?" Z asks
"Yeah"
"What if I feel the same way...... what does that make us?"
"I-I don't know... what does that make us?"
"Can we really be more than just friends?"
"I don't know.... is that what you want?"
"I think so.... what about you?"
"I'm not sure... but if I can feel like I do... but more.... than yes."
"So...."
"So..... we are together now?."
"Yeah."
We both ended up going to bed. me dreading the hang over but to happy to actually care.
I woke up in terrible, terrible pain. I had a terrible headache. ugh. I slowly got up and took some medicine and headed to the computer. I booted it up and there was a sticky note that said
<3 Zisteau <3
Um..... what? what happened last night? I racked my brain trying to remember last night. I got little images and moments. me saying some...things..... to Zisteau... and then us saying we liked each other.... then us saying we were together.
Man.... how much did I drink. I logged onto Skype and sent Z a private message
(K-Kurt)(Z-Zisteau)
K: so about last night
Z: Yeah. what do you think we should do?
K: do you actually feel that way?
Z: yeah, I think I do. what about you?
K: honestly yes.
Z: are we together?
K: yeah I think so.
Z: should we tell anyone from the group or not?
K: I think we should keep it secret for a while. until we feel more comfortable with the whole relationship idea.
Z: call me?
K: sure
~~~~
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump slightly.
"Kurt, the panel is basically over." Z says
"Ok" I say and notice the crowd again.
I gulp and my hands start shaking again.
Guude closes out the panel and everyone starts moving about. I stand up and start walking towards the exit, absolutely ready to leave the crowds, but get surrounded by people. I get backed into a corner.
There are so many people.... way to many people all pushing towards me. My mind starts racing and I violently start shaking.
With the last bit of the sanity left in my mind I call for help "TYLER!"
My knees give out and I sink to the ground.. I hear running and someone yelling.
Zisteau's POV
Kurt got up and headed towards the exit. Baj started talking to me, for whatever reason.
"TYLER!" I hear Kurt yell.
I instantly spin on my heels and see Kurt cornered by probably a hundred or more people. He has a completely shocked and terrified look on his face. I see him sink to the ground. I run over to the mob of people and start shoving my way through the crowd.
I get to the center and Kurt is slumped against the wall shaking violently. I sit beside him and pull him onto my lap.
"Kurt" I murmur in his ear, stroking his hair, trying to calm him.
He collapses against my chest and buries his face into my shoulder. I feel tears slowly seep into my shirt.
"Kurt... you ok?" I ask
He lifts his head, he has tears streaming down his face, his eyes only have a terrified look in them. his shaking is still terrible. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and pull him close.
"It's ok Kurt, it's ok" I say soothingly
"No... T-T-Tyler.... to m-m-many people.... I-I-I couldn't take it.... I.... just..... need.... you" Kurt says stuttering many times.
It really breaks my heart to see him like this.
I caress his cheek and kiss his forehead, not caring about all the people watching us, all that matters is that Kurt gets better.
"It's gonna be ok Kurt, I'm right here, I always will be." I say stroking his hair
I wipe away some of his tears.
"Tyler?" Kurt asks, the terrified look mostly gone from his eyes.
"Yes"
"W-What's going on.... why am I in your lap? why is everyone staring at us?!?!" Kurt asks, the terrified look coming back
"Hey, hey, calm down... its ok... I've got you... you had an anxiety attack."
"Oh" Kurt says but nuzzles into me, his shaking basically gone.
"You gonna be ok?" I ask after a few minutes
"I think... so" Kurt says looking at me.
I lock gazes with him, he seems a lot calmer now.
"Thanks for staying with me Tyler, I really do love you." Kurt says
"I would do anything for you Kurt, and I really do love you too." I say
Kurt leans in and kisses me gently, I kiss back gently, missing this feeling of complete bliss.
There is an explosion of awes and applause from the room, which startles Kurt. He looks around the room remembering all the people.
His face turns a crimson red. He looks so embarrassed.
"Hey, it's ok, we had to tell everyone at one point or another." I say and kiss his forehead.
"I-I-I" Kurt stutters out turning a deeper red, which I didn't know was possible.
I wrap my arms around him tightly and put my forehead against his.
"Kurt... it's perfectly ok.... nobody will judge us... and even is they do, I will always be here for you... and always remember I love you to the moon and back." I say gently, keeping eye contact.
Kurt lets out a shaky breath "ok"
I smile lovingly at him
"Lets head back to the hotel room" I suggest
"Yeah" Kurt replies.
Kurt shakily stands up, I stand up as well and intertwine our fingers and lead him away from the mob of people, to where he can feel safe wrapped in my arms.
BYE!!!! ^_^
(Trigger warning- anxiety)
(Any of the times Kurt zones out it will be marked with ~~~~ at the beginning and the end)
Kurt's POV
This is going to be my first panel, and I'm nervous.... to say the least. my anxiety has been really bad the past few weeks. I would have just not come, but it was something I had promised for my viewers since they reached the charity goal.
I stood nervously behind stage, waiting to face the crowds. my palms are sweating, and I'm shaking ever so slightly. I had backed my self into a corner, away from the rest of the staff and the other Mindcrackers that had attended. I ran a shaky hand through my hair, man I'm starting to act like Guude.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped.
"Oh, hey, sorry... didn't mean to scare you." Zisteau says.
I look up and see Z standing in front of me.
"You ok?" Z asks
"I-I don't... know" I say
Z sends me a look. "anxiety?"
I nod. Z instantly brings me into a hug. I take a few deep breaths, attempting to calm myself. I nuzzle into Z, he really helps calm me. I let my mind wander to it's happy place, which happens to be the first time I got to see Z in person.
~~~~
I stepped off the plane with butterfly's in my stomach. I grab my luggage and head out towards the main entrance.
I see the flash of a purple twitch hoodie and I'm instantly being hugged. I nuzzle into Z, my heart fluttering. I step back slightly taking in Z's looks, I had only ever seen pictures, but he was even better than I had imagined.
We stand there in a comfortable silence, just looking at each other. I look into the eyes of the man I hopelessly fell for, the one person I can truly say I ever actually loved.
"It's so great to see you." Z says, finally breaking the silence.
"It is indeed." I say, which causes Z to laugh.
"You ready to head to my place or are we just going to stand here staring at each other like we are long lost lovers." Z asks jokingly.
I instantly blush and look away.
"Hey, Kurt, it's ok" Z says gently turning my head so I'm looking at him again. "because that's exactly what we are, two 'lovers' seeing each other for the first time."
I blush even more, which I didn't think possible. "y-yeah"
"Great" Z says and lightly brushes his fingers over my cheek, which sends shivers down my spine.
Z grabs my bag with one hand, and intertwines our fingers with the other. I feel my heart flutter.
~~~~
"Kurt?" Z asks, concern in his eyes
I lift up my head.
"S-sorry, I kinda shut out the world again." I say, slightly embarrassed.
"Hey, it's ok" Z says rubbing circles into the back of my hands with his thumbs.
I look over Z's shoulder and see Guude making his way over to us. I instantly pull my hands away and take a step back, regretfully. Z sends me a look.
"We should be set to start in a few minutes, so get ready." Guude says
"O-O-Ok" I stutter out.
"You ok guy?"
"Just nervous" I say clutching my hands together, trying to reduce the shaking.
"Ok...." Guude says and turns to walk away.
I let out a sigh, Z is instantly closer to me and massaging my way to tense shoulders.
"Take it easy, it will be ok." Z says soothingly
"B-B-But I'm scared of all the people Tyler, what will they think of me, what if..." I say but am cut short by Z lightly brushing his lips against mine.
"Don't worry Kurt.... they will love you, but not as much as me." Z says gently stroking my cheek.
I take a deep breath. "ok"
"Everyone to stage." Guude calls out.
I take another shaky breath and start walking with Z by my side.
I get to the stage and there are so many people. I start shaking slightly. I can do this. I walk over and sit in my chair. I'm on the edge of the stage, with Z to my left. There are a lot of us here, so we have to sit considerably close, which is fine by me since Z is really close.
Everyone comes on stage and the crowd goes crazy. I feel a hand on my thigh. I glance at Z and give him a weak smile, which must have been more of a grimace, by the concern apparent in his eyes.
"You gonna be ok, if not we can leave the stage." Z says
"No... I will be ok." I say
"Ok" Z says and gently squeezes my leg, which sends shivers up my spine.
Guude starts introducing everyone, going down the line. When he gets to me I tentatively wave to the audience. Guude explains a few things and starts with the preselected questions.
"This one is for Kurt...... What will be your reaction when you reach the farlands?"
I feel Z intertwine out fingers and give my hand a reassuring squeeze.
"I don't think people actually know how monumental a task it actually is... people have estimated it will take 148 hours walking in a straight line on a super flat world... so with 3 episodes a week, 30 minutes each, I don't really have a prepared reaction." I say trying to keep the shaking out of my voice.
Guude starts talking again. I glance at Z, who has a slight look of pain in his eyes. I send him a look and he motions to our hands. I notice I had Z's hand in basically a death grip. I release his hand and send him an apologetic look.
I had scanned the list of questions and saw I only had the one... thankfully. I let my mind wander again, blocking out the world.
I thought back to the start of me and Z's relationship.
~~~~
Ever since UHC season 7, me and Z had grown really close. We started doing more co-ops, and sometimes talked off camera. That was until almost 7 months ago, I had started feeling different towards Z, not in a bad way though, it honestly confused the crap out if me, I would get butterfly's in my stomach when ever his name would show up on Skype, or he would randomly txt me, or even when someone mentioned his name. I was so confused by it, I had never felt like this towards anyone.
Z invited me to go caving, which I happily accepted the request. we got on a Skype call, it would be off camera, as I had brought out a bottle of single malt scotch.
I was maybe 5 glasses in and had no sense left as to what I was saying, I'm guessing Z didn't either. I logged off of the server.
"Z.... I don't know what to do or how to feel." I say slurring slightly
"About what?" Z asks slightly slurring as well
"You"
"Me?"
"Yeah, you, I get this weird tingly warm feeling in my body when ever your around me, and when ever your mentioned I get butterfly's in my stomach.... I just don't know"
"Oh...."
I sigh loudly.
"Kurt?" Z asks
"Yeah"
"What if I feel the same way...... what does that make us?"
"I-I don't know... what does that make us?"
"Can we really be more than just friends?"
"I don't know.... is that what you want?"
"I think so.... what about you?"
"I'm not sure... but if I can feel like I do... but more.... than yes."
"So...."
"So..... we are together now?."
"Yeah."
We both ended up going to bed. me dreading the hang over but to happy to actually care.
I woke up in terrible, terrible pain. I had a terrible headache. ugh. I slowly got up and took some medicine and headed to the computer. I booted it up and there was a sticky note that said
<3 Zisteau <3
Um..... what? what happened last night? I racked my brain trying to remember last night. I got little images and moments. me saying some...things..... to Zisteau... and then us saying we liked each other.... then us saying we were together.
Man.... how much did I drink. I logged onto Skype and sent Z a private message
(K-Kurt)(Z-Zisteau)
K: so about last night
Z: Yeah. what do you think we should do?
K: do you actually feel that way?
Z: yeah, I think I do. what about you?
K: honestly yes.
Z: are we together?
K: yeah I think so.
Z: should we tell anyone from the group or not?
K: I think we should keep it secret for a while. until we feel more comfortable with the whole relationship idea.
Z: call me?
K: sure
~~~~
I feel a hand on my shoulder and I jump slightly.
"Kurt, the panel is basically over." Z says
"Ok" I say and notice the crowd again.
I gulp and my hands start shaking again.
Guude closes out the panel and everyone starts moving about. I stand up and start walking towards the exit, absolutely ready to leave the crowds, but get surrounded by people. I get backed into a corner.
There are so many people.... way to many people all pushing towards me. My mind starts racing and I violently start shaking.
With the last bit of the sanity left in my mind I call for help "TYLER!"
My knees give out and I sink to the ground.. I hear running and someone yelling.
Zisteau's POV
Kurt got up and headed towards the exit. Baj started talking to me, for whatever reason.
"TYLER!" I hear Kurt yell.
I instantly spin on my heels and see Kurt cornered by probably a hundred or more people. He has a completely shocked and terrified look on his face. I see him sink to the ground. I run over to the mob of people and start shoving my way through the crowd.
I get to the center and Kurt is slumped against the wall shaking violently. I sit beside him and pull him onto my lap.
"Kurt" I murmur in his ear, stroking his hair, trying to calm him.
He collapses against my chest and buries his face into my shoulder. I feel tears slowly seep into my shirt.
"Kurt... you ok?" I ask
He lifts his head, he has tears streaming down his face, his eyes only have a terrified look in them. his shaking is still terrible. I wrap my arms tightly around his waist and pull him close.
"It's ok Kurt, it's ok" I say soothingly
"No... T-T-Tyler.... to m-m-many people.... I-I-I couldn't take it.... I.... just..... need.... you" Kurt says stuttering many times.
It really breaks my heart to see him like this.
I caress his cheek and kiss his forehead, not caring about all the people watching us, all that matters is that Kurt gets better.
"It's gonna be ok Kurt, I'm right here, I always will be." I say stroking his hair
I wipe away some of his tears.
"Tyler?" Kurt asks, the terrified look mostly gone from his eyes.
"Yes"
"W-What's going on.... why am I in your lap? why is everyone staring at us?!?!" Kurt asks, the terrified look coming back
"Hey, hey, calm down... its ok... I've got you... you had an anxiety attack."
"Oh" Kurt says but nuzzles into me, his shaking basically gone.
"You gonna be ok?" I ask after a few minutes
"I think... so" Kurt says looking at me.
I lock gazes with him, he seems a lot calmer now.
"Thanks for staying with me Tyler, I really do love you." Kurt says
"I would do anything for you Kurt, and I really do love you too." I say
Kurt leans in and kisses me gently, I kiss back gently, missing this feeling of complete bliss.
There is an explosion of awes and applause from the room, which startles Kurt. He looks around the room remembering all the people.
His face turns a crimson red. He looks so embarrassed.
"Hey, it's ok, we had to tell everyone at one point or another." I say and kiss his forehead.
"I-I-I" Kurt stutters out turning a deeper red, which I didn't know was possible.
I wrap my arms around him tightly and put my forehead against his.
"Kurt... it's perfectly ok.... nobody will judge us... and even is they do, I will always be here for you... and always remember I love you to the moon and back." I say gently, keeping eye contact.
Kurt lets out a shaky breath "ok"
I smile lovingly at him
"Lets head back to the hotel room" I suggest
"Yeah" Kurt replies.
Kurt shakily stands up, I stand up as well and intertwine our fingers and lead him away from the mob of people, to where he can feel safe wrapped in my arms.
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Date: Monday, June 8th, 2015 12:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: Monday, June 8th, 2015 03:21 pm (UTC)