Fic: The Letter
Friday, December 27th, 2013 12:31 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
theoneinthe_closet posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
mindcracklove I don't even know it's 2 am. Also sorry for any spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes in advance.
To Kurt Zisteau ws his everything, his light in the dark, his jaket on a cold winters night. And his sun the thing his world revolved around, could not live without. The only thing and person that could and would keep him around, on this earth living. Every night before Kurt would fall asleep he would alays say how greatful he as for his boyfriend and only that he wouldnt royaly screw something up. But alas he found himself in the situation where he had to either run from his prolems or take them face on. Right now he didnt have his head on straight because quite frankly he ws lost without Zisteau. Zisteau really didnt kick him out Kurt had just run away from is problems yet again. He was very scared and lost without Zisteau by his side to comfot him and make him feel safe. He had backed himself into a corner emotionaly and mentaly. The only way he could see fit to get his emotion out in a clear way, pour is worries fears and his very heart and soul on to a sheet of paper, was to write. So he got a clean notebook and began to write. Dear Zisteau, I am writing to you from the corner of my friends apartment for he is away for the week and asked if I could watch over his cats. But cats aside I want to tell you that I am indeed not a perfect person. Infact there are many things I wish I didnt do. But as time moves on I continue to learn and grow. In all honesty I never wanted to hurt you and still dont. And I just want you to knw i've found a reason to change the persn who I used to be. For it only hurt us and broke us in the long run. It is a reason to start over new. But what is this reason you ask, it is you. Im truely sorry for hurting you. I have to live with that guilt everyday. But with all the pain I put you through I truely wish to take it all away. To be the one to wipe away your tears when you lonley. I've found a reason to show a side of me that i've never shown before, its the reason for all that I do and that reason is you, simply you. Everything you do everything you are makes me so happy. The thought of you make me melt. It is a horrible pain to know im causing yours. This thought lurches in the shadows of my brain in the deepest darkest paces that I havent visited in so long, 'should I just end it and make the pain go away for bolth of us?' The only thing that kept me from doing that ages ago was you. You saved me from my own worst enemy, myself. I tryed for so long, promise. But I woke up one day thinking things that pushed me over the edge and I just stoped caring, not about you but about me. I thought that being myself wasnt enough and one day you would leave me in hopes of someone more than me. My heart belongs to you and it always will but I dont thin you feel the same. My selfesteem was low and it just plumeted at the thought of you wanting more than me. I guess what im trying to say here is. I'll always love you and just please move on and dont loo for me or call me im going to end this pain. Yes, the one in my stoach that makes me feel like there is a person inside me controlling me, making me want to puke and harm myself so it will stop. And yes the man in my ear wispering horrible things and telling me to kill myself. Im giving in and I cant do this anymore im losing an uphill battle. Goodbye Zisteau my one and only love, see you in heaven. Tears streamed down his face as he sloly brought the gun to his temple. His blood splatered the page as he pulled the trigger..
To Kurt Zisteau ws his everything, his light in the dark, his jaket on a cold winters night. And his sun the thing his world revolved around, could not live without. The only thing and person that could and would keep him around, on this earth living. Every night before Kurt would fall asleep he would alays say how greatful he as for his boyfriend and only that he wouldnt royaly screw something up. But alas he found himself in the situation where he had to either run from his prolems or take them face on. Right now he didnt have his head on straight because quite frankly he ws lost without Zisteau. Zisteau really didnt kick him out Kurt had just run away from is problems yet again. He was very scared and lost without Zisteau by his side to comfot him and make him feel safe. He had backed himself into a corner emotionaly and mentaly. The only way he could see fit to get his emotion out in a clear way, pour is worries fears and his very heart and soul on to a sheet of paper, was to write. So he got a clean notebook and began to write. Dear Zisteau, I am writing to you from the corner of my friends apartment for he is away for the week and asked if I could watch over his cats. But cats aside I want to tell you that I am indeed not a perfect person. Infact there are many things I wish I didnt do. But as time moves on I continue to learn and grow. In all honesty I never wanted to hurt you and still dont. And I just want you to knw i've found a reason to change the persn who I used to be. For it only hurt us and broke us in the long run. It is a reason to start over new. But what is this reason you ask, it is you. Im truely sorry for hurting you. I have to live with that guilt everyday. But with all the pain I put you through I truely wish to take it all away. To be the one to wipe away your tears when you lonley. I've found a reason to show a side of me that i've never shown before, its the reason for all that I do and that reason is you, simply you. Everything you do everything you are makes me so happy. The thought of you make me melt. It is a horrible pain to know im causing yours. This thought lurches in the shadows of my brain in the deepest darkest paces that I havent visited in so long, 'should I just end it and make the pain go away for bolth of us?' The only thing that kept me from doing that ages ago was you. You saved me from my own worst enemy, myself. I tryed for so long, promise. But I woke up one day thinking things that pushed me over the edge and I just stoped caring, not about you but about me. I thought that being myself wasnt enough and one day you would leave me in hopes of someone more than me. My heart belongs to you and it always will but I dont thin you feel the same. My selfesteem was low and it just plumeted at the thought of you wanting more than me. I guess what im trying to say here is. I'll always love you and just please move on and dont loo for me or call me im going to end this pain. Yes, the one in my stoach that makes me feel like there is a person inside me controlling me, making me want to puke and harm myself so it will stop. And yes the man in my ear wispering horrible things and telling me to kill myself. Im giving in and I cant do this anymore im losing an uphill battle. Goodbye Zisteau my one and only love, see you in heaven. Tears streamed down his face as he sloly brought the gun to his temple. His blood splatered the page as he pulled the trigger..
feels
Date: Tuesday, August 19th, 2014 10:29 am (UTC)Kurt noooooooooooo