challis_2070 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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mindcracklove2018-02-17 09:06 pm
challis_2070) wrote in mindcracklove2018-02-17 09:06 pm
Perfidious Albion, Chapter Six
Chapter Six! First cut to the story, second to notes (there are no notes on this one, tell me if I missed something that needs notes!)
Link to Chapter Five- https://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/1181344.html#cutid1
Tom considered carefully what his lieutenant had said about the other man who had been in the province more recently. From what he could piece together, the man seemed to have been injuried in that big protest turned riot last year, that he was entirely certain his son had been at as well. He wasn’t entirely certain what to do with this information. He had never talked to his son about that day. He’d never talked to his son about the time he had been interned, either. He knew he should, but he was, honestly, scared to learn what had happened. He knew it wasn’t his son’s fault though, so he shouldn’t be so scared. But he was.
He could ask the man directly, but their lieutenant had asked them to not interact if they could help it. And that was strange enough as it was. He could, of course, try to ask his son. He oughta to do that, truth be told, but oh man that was so painful. Course, it’s not like he should keep running from that. He really did need to talk to his son (and his wife...) more than he did. But the difficulty there, oh oh man. Not good. But required. He’d do it. He had a day off tomorrow and he was going back to the vacation house very late tonight.
Oh. Uh. Better call Lasairfhíona to let her know that. He wouldn’t put it past her to wake up hearing him come in and for him to realize she was aiming a weapon at the ‘home intruder’. Course, she shouldn’t have any weapons but…it was Lasairfhíona. Of course she did.
Right. Call the wife. Call her before you forget. Do that now.
ring ring ring
“Hello, Lasairfhíona, it’s Tom.” Well, she had caller id on her phone, but it was still nice to identify one’s self, after all.
“I should hope so, it is your number.” She was very snarky, which for some people would upset them, but he liked it about her, really.
“Heh. Right, I have a day off tomorrow.” Get to the point, Tom old buddy. She doesn’t like talking on the phone, you know that.
“Oh, very nice!” Tomorrow was Saturday, it would be nice to let him know their plans for church and future attempts at walking there and everything. They had talked the other night for a few minutes, but she was still easily tired and she hated that feeling.
“Right, but I was going to come to the house late tonight and I uh, I wanted to warn you, you know?” He didn’t want a repeat of the one time he had gotten home early and saw her trying to put away part of a weapons cache, though in this case he’d probably have a weapon pointed at him, rather just seeing them, if he came in late and didn’t let her know. He really really really didn’t want to know if what she had told him then was true or not. He really hoped that she was….no longer active…he didn’t think she could really be particularly active now, what with being so ill lately, but…
“Oh. Yea, thanks for letting me know. We uh, we don’t want to be surprised.” Surprises are bad. The last time he had surprised her she had needed to explain why she had a weapons cache in the house with her, at the time, toddler son nearby.
“Yea yea, no not at all. No surprises. Surprises are not good.” Very not good. He was still sore for learning that she had kept a weapons cache at the house when Paul was a toddler. When he had asked, she had admitted that she was afraid he was going to walk out on them and she wanted to protect herself. He was sympathetic to that, but still. Not good.
He nodded even though she couldn’t see him. No surprises. Do not surprise the wife. Surprising the wife was always a terrible terrible idea.
“So uh, let Paul know that I’ll be there when he gets up tomorrow, if you would, please?” He also didn’t want to surprise his son too much, but that wasn’t for the same reasons at all. His son was highly unlikely to react by aiming a gun at….he was fairly certain his son wouldn’t react that way. Pretty sure. Probably…
“Oh, of course. I’ll see you then, love you!” She would have made kissy sounds at the phone but she knew he’d hang up as soon as she said that she loved him as that was their routine.
-----
Pyro yawned as he got ready for bed. He knew that when he woke up tomorrow, his Da would be here and they were planning on going out and having lunch some place in town. It would be a nice change of pace. Mamaí had mentioned that perhaps they could talk at breakfast about where they wanted to go, and that also sounded nice. Sometimes it was nice for things to be calm, but he really really really wasn’t sure how long he could take it without having some kind of mental break, just expecting bad things to happen at any moment.
The expectation that something was to happen was always there. He was faintly aware that it was less likely to occur here, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling and he wasn’t even sure he should try to shake it. It had damned well kept him safe before, and he was only here for the summer. Might as well just go with the flow. And maybe watch the news from home more, since things were certainly still occurring there. At least then he’d know what terrible things were occurring, after all.
Mamaí had also mentioned that she had found a therapist for him (actually, she had said both of them, but he wasn’t really sure why she wanted to see one here) who was willing to at least help him get started over the summer with some coping skills and such. Oh well. He’d at least try and see if the therapist helped him at all. Probably wouldn’t hurt at least. Well uh, it wouldn’t be pleasant to talk about that sort of shit, but you know, therapists usually don’t attack you.
Well, he didn’t think that therapists would attack you. Probably not. They were trained and paid to help you get better, right?
Right? Right. Mhm. Sleep. Sleep was a thing he needed to do.
He mumbled to himself as he got changed and ready for bed, grabbing a pair of mittens as he did so. It wouldn’t hurt to be on the safe side, of course. For a brief moment, he wondered if da had ever heard him having the nightmares. If he did, he never said anything about them. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, truly. Da appeared to exist in a sort of world in which if he didn’t talk about things, they couldn’t hurt the family and…Pyro had learned from an early age just how unfortunately not true that idea was.
-----
BTC contemplated his desk with all the intensity he could muster. He had, after long last, made an appointment with the counselor to talk about his…issues. Maybe, just maybe, they’d help him and then he could…get on with his life. Or at least, have it stop effecting so totally.
Had to stop thinking about it being a failure to ask for help. He could ask for help in the field, and help others. Why couldn’t he seem to ask for help with this? That’s what they went to school for, trained for. They were there to help him, and in this case, to help him get back on track so the army didn’t lose another soldier. And he should make use of their help. That’s why they were there. Let them do their job, and help. Yea. Need to let them help you, that’s what they are there for. Gotta remember, they are not evil, they are not trying to hurt you. They want you at a hundred percent so you can do your job and be effective. That’s why they existed. You can’t do this all by yourself, and aren’t meant to. Asking for help isn’t weakness, it shows you know yourself and know when to get support. That’s all, that’s all it means.
This did not make him weak. This made him…clever? Or smart. Intelligent. Knowing one’s own weaknesses was smart, and getting help to overcome them was even smarter. It was an ongoing process, of course, but hell, he’d spent so long so damaged that he damned well knew this was not going to be an overnight thing, or even a short time period thing. It would, in all due likelihood, take years. But he could do it. He could do this. He knew he could do this.
He was not the only person who needed help. So, he couldn’t a failure entirely if other people also recognized that they needed help, right? Right. They were all in this together, even if their fights were all on their own (with the help of the counselors, but still). Knowing that other people had fought these battles…it actually kind of helped to know that. It made him feel like it was something he could do and survive. He could get through this, they came out the other side, so could he. And so could others in the future. He could…he could be a good role model for getting help, maybe.
That would be kind of almost nice.
Translations, notes, etc
Nothing here right now. Let me know if I missed anything that needs an explanation.
Link to Chapter Seven (Yes I know it's right after this one in the list)- https://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/1181918.html
Link to Chapter Five- https://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/1181344.html#cutid1
Tom considered carefully what his lieutenant had said about the other man who had been in the province more recently. From what he could piece together, the man seemed to have been injuried in that big protest turned riot last year, that he was entirely certain his son had been at as well. He wasn’t entirely certain what to do with this information. He had never talked to his son about that day. He’d never talked to his son about the time he had been interned, either. He knew he should, but he was, honestly, scared to learn what had happened. He knew it wasn’t his son’s fault though, so he shouldn’t be so scared. But he was.
He could ask the man directly, but their lieutenant had asked them to not interact if they could help it. And that was strange enough as it was. He could, of course, try to ask his son. He oughta to do that, truth be told, but oh man that was so painful. Course, it’s not like he should keep running from that. He really did need to talk to his son (and his wife...) more than he did. But the difficulty there, oh oh man. Not good. But required. He’d do it. He had a day off tomorrow and he was going back to the vacation house very late tonight.
Oh. Uh. Better call Lasairfhíona to let her know that. He wouldn’t put it past her to wake up hearing him come in and for him to realize she was aiming a weapon at the ‘home intruder’. Course, she shouldn’t have any weapons but…it was Lasairfhíona. Of course she did.
Right. Call the wife. Call her before you forget. Do that now.
ring ring ring
“Hello, Lasairfhíona, it’s Tom.” Well, she had caller id on her phone, but it was still nice to identify one’s self, after all.
“I should hope so, it is your number.” She was very snarky, which for some people would upset them, but he liked it about her, really.
“Heh. Right, I have a day off tomorrow.” Get to the point, Tom old buddy. She doesn’t like talking on the phone, you know that.
“Oh, very nice!” Tomorrow was Saturday, it would be nice to let him know their plans for church and future attempts at walking there and everything. They had talked the other night for a few minutes, but she was still easily tired and she hated that feeling.
“Right, but I was going to come to the house late tonight and I uh, I wanted to warn you, you know?” He didn’t want a repeat of the one time he had gotten home early and saw her trying to put away part of a weapons cache, though in this case he’d probably have a weapon pointed at him, rather just seeing them, if he came in late and didn’t let her know. He really really really didn’t want to know if what she had told him then was true or not. He really hoped that she was….no longer active…he didn’t think she could really be particularly active now, what with being so ill lately, but…
“Oh. Yea, thanks for letting me know. We uh, we don’t want to be surprised.” Surprises are bad. The last time he had surprised her she had needed to explain why she had a weapons cache in the house with her, at the time, toddler son nearby.
“Yea yea, no not at all. No surprises. Surprises are not good.” Very not good. He was still sore for learning that she had kept a weapons cache at the house when Paul was a toddler. When he had asked, she had admitted that she was afraid he was going to walk out on them and she wanted to protect herself. He was sympathetic to that, but still. Not good.
He nodded even though she couldn’t see him. No surprises. Do not surprise the wife. Surprising the wife was always a terrible terrible idea.
“So uh, let Paul know that I’ll be there when he gets up tomorrow, if you would, please?” He also didn’t want to surprise his son too much, but that wasn’t for the same reasons at all. His son was highly unlikely to react by aiming a gun at….he was fairly certain his son wouldn’t react that way. Pretty sure. Probably…
“Oh, of course. I’ll see you then, love you!” She would have made kissy sounds at the phone but she knew he’d hang up as soon as she said that she loved him as that was their routine.
-----
Pyro yawned as he got ready for bed. He knew that when he woke up tomorrow, his Da would be here and they were planning on going out and having lunch some place in town. It would be a nice change of pace. Mamaí had mentioned that perhaps they could talk at breakfast about where they wanted to go, and that also sounded nice. Sometimes it was nice for things to be calm, but he really really really wasn’t sure how long he could take it without having some kind of mental break, just expecting bad things to happen at any moment.
The expectation that something was to happen was always there. He was faintly aware that it was less likely to occur here, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling and he wasn’t even sure he should try to shake it. It had damned well kept him safe before, and he was only here for the summer. Might as well just go with the flow. And maybe watch the news from home more, since things were certainly still occurring there. At least then he’d know what terrible things were occurring, after all.
Mamaí had also mentioned that she had found a therapist for him (actually, she had said both of them, but he wasn’t really sure why she wanted to see one here) who was willing to at least help him get started over the summer with some coping skills and such. Oh well. He’d at least try and see if the therapist helped him at all. Probably wouldn’t hurt at least. Well uh, it wouldn’t be pleasant to talk about that sort of shit, but you know, therapists usually don’t attack you.
Well, he didn’t think that therapists would attack you. Probably not. They were trained and paid to help you get better, right?
Right? Right. Mhm. Sleep. Sleep was a thing he needed to do.
He mumbled to himself as he got changed and ready for bed, grabbing a pair of mittens as he did so. It wouldn’t hurt to be on the safe side, of course. For a brief moment, he wondered if da had ever heard him having the nightmares. If he did, he never said anything about them. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, truly. Da appeared to exist in a sort of world in which if he didn’t talk about things, they couldn’t hurt the family and…Pyro had learned from an early age just how unfortunately not true that idea was.
-----
BTC contemplated his desk with all the intensity he could muster. He had, after long last, made an appointment with the counselor to talk about his…issues. Maybe, just maybe, they’d help him and then he could…get on with his life. Or at least, have it stop effecting so totally.
Had to stop thinking about it being a failure to ask for help. He could ask for help in the field, and help others. Why couldn’t he seem to ask for help with this? That’s what they went to school for, trained for. They were there to help him, and in this case, to help him get back on track so the army didn’t lose another soldier. And he should make use of their help. That’s why they were there. Let them do their job, and help. Yea. Need to let them help you, that’s what they are there for. Gotta remember, they are not evil, they are not trying to hurt you. They want you at a hundred percent so you can do your job and be effective. That’s why they existed. You can’t do this all by yourself, and aren’t meant to. Asking for help isn’t weakness, it shows you know yourself and know when to get support. That’s all, that’s all it means.
This did not make him weak. This made him…clever? Or smart. Intelligent. Knowing one’s own weaknesses was smart, and getting help to overcome them was even smarter. It was an ongoing process, of course, but hell, he’d spent so long so damaged that he damned well knew this was not going to be an overnight thing, or even a short time period thing. It would, in all due likelihood, take years. But he could do it. He could do this. He knew he could do this.
He was not the only person who needed help. So, he couldn’t a failure entirely if other people also recognized that they needed help, right? Right. They were all in this together, even if their fights were all on their own (with the help of the counselors, but still). Knowing that other people had fought these battles…it actually kind of helped to know that. It made him feel like it was something he could do and survive. He could get through this, they came out the other side, so could he. And so could others in the future. He could…he could be a good role model for getting help, maybe.
That would be kind of almost nice.
Translations, notes, etc
Nothing here right now. Let me know if I missed anything that needs an explanation.
Link to Chapter Seven (Yes I know it's right after this one in the list)- https://mindcracklove.dreamwidth.org/1181918.html