Brave Chapter 8

[ruddiestbubbles]

 “Why are we doing this to ourselves?"

this is unbetaed whoops ':)

“We’re just waiting on Kurt, right?” Guude asks, looking around the group.

“Yeah, he said his flight landed a minute ago. He’s waiting for his luggage,” Tyler supplies, checking his phone.

He frowns a little, seeing a few of their earlier messages.

Z: I don’t think that counts as not being a big deal

K: It isn’t. It’s just my anxiety and I’ll get over it

Z: bud, please, just talk to me about this. I know the distance has been really hard, and I’m sorry we can’t visit more often, but you can’t just ignore me for almost a whole day. It really worries me

K: I’m sorry T, you’re right. I just can’t handle it sometimes and I fall off the face of the earth for a while

Z: Just call me next time, okay?

K: I will. I gtg, flight’s about to leave

Z: Have a safe trip, see you soon <3

K: <3

He hates that Kurt had to go through a panic attack alone like that. He hadn’t even been busy, but Kurt didn’t feel like he could call him. It hurt a little, but he understood, in the abstract way that Kurt explained it. They needed to talk this out. As soon as they got to their hotel room they would; and he didn’t care how painful the conversation was, they really needed to figure it out. He wasn’t mad by any means, it’d just really worried him when Kurt hadn’t replied to any of his texts or answered his calls. But, it was the first time Kurt had really had a panic attack since they started dating, so maybe this was something he needed to expect in the future. Or maybe this was going to be a one time thing, and it’d be okay after this. He really hoped for the later.

“Kurt! Hey!” Guude shouts, and Tyler looks up from his phone and his frown deepens a little, his brow furrowed.

Kurt looks exhausted. Completely and totally drained. He hates that Kurt looks that way, and he couldn’t have done a thing to help because Kurt wouldn’t answer him. He just wants to run up and hug him and kiss him until he smiles a real smile, unlike the fake one he’s currently wearing, and just never let him go. But he can’t. And he hates that.

A few of the guys hug Kurt and clap him on the back, and finally it’s his turn, and he gives Kurt a tight hug, with a small whisper, “I love you,” not loud enough to be heard by the others, just Kurt: just a small reminder that everything was okay and he didn’t need to worry about him being upset. He smiles slightly at the whispered reply, “I love you too.”

They follow Guude and the others outside where an Uber XL is waiting at the curb. He instantly claims a spot beside Kurt and discreetly squeezes his arm before keeping his hands to himself, no matter how much he didn’t want to. He wanted to wrap an arm around Kurt’s shoulders, or hold his hand. He just wanted some form of contact beyond their knees bumping together every so often when they hit a pothole. It was all friendly, and he hated it. He hated it so much. He hated acting like ‘just friends’, but he knew they couldn’t be more here, not surrounded by their friends or this city which was buzzing with Pax hype and thousands of fans. He just hated it so much.

Once they reach the hotel, he gets their room key, and waves to the other guys, nodding at the shout about a bar later and they’d text them. Kurt walked beside him down the hallway, his suitcase rolling behind him. Not only did Kurt look exhausted, he looked sad. Sad to the point that it really hurt his heart, made it ache in a way he’d never experienced before. He was quick to unlock their door. He held open the door for Kurt, who smiled the tiniest broken smile, and that hurt his heart too. As soon as the door shut, Kurt collapsed against him, his head falling limply to his shoulder.

“Oh Kurt,” he breathes out and wraps his arms around him, resting his head against Kurt’s, “It’s okay bud.”

“I-I’ve just missed you, so much and I couldn’t think earlier and I’m sorry I didn’t answer you… I was freaking out and I couldn’t breathe and I haven't had a panic attack that bad in so long I didn’t know how to handle it,” Kurt says in one breath, words running into each other as he rambles.

“Woah, hey, bud,” He says calmly, and runs a hand up and down his back, “Breathe, okay? You’re gonna work yourself up into another panic attack.”

Kurt takes a deep, shuddering breath, “I-I know.” He does breath, slow intakes of air, and even slower releases.

“Let’s sit down and talk about this, okay?” He asks gently.

“Okay,” Kurt agrees shakely.

They move over to the bed, and he positions himself across from Kurt, and he almost doesn’t want to be able to see his face, because it’s tear stained and blotchy.

“What triggered it?” He asks gently, taking Kurt’s shaking hand in his own.

“I… I’m not sure. It was just a lot this morning. And I miss you constantly. And I was so excited to see you, until I realised that I couldn’t be your boyfriend in front of everyone. Then I was just sad. And I hate it. I hate feeling sad over something so stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. I hate it too.”

Kurt’s body seems to just deflate, “Why are we doing this to ourselves?” He asks quietly, eyes trained on him.

“I don’t know bud, but I hate it just as much as you do.”

“C-could we tell them?” Kurt asks after a few silent moments.

“Tell them, as in the guys?”

“Yeah,” Kurt frowns as he says this, brow furrowing ever so slightly, “We can trust them, can’t we?”

“I think so,” He ponders, “but why now? I know you were so iffy about it before.”

“Because now I know one hundred percent that I love you and I never want to be with anyone else but you, and I don’t want to have to hide around the guys anymore, it’s exhausting and what time we do get together, I want to be able to be your boyfriend.”

He grins at Kurt, his eyes teary and he smashes their lips together. The kiss is a mess of too much teeth and smiles and the salty taste of tears. “I love you,” and he kisses him, “I love you so much,” and he kisses him again, and he can feel the smile on Kurt’s lips.

Kurt’s eyes are sparkling, “I love you too, Tyler.”

“We can tell the guys whenever you want, I don’t care, I just wanna be able to be with you.”

They both grin at each other, and it’s Kurt who starts the kiss this time.

A while later, they’re startled out of their making out by both of their phones pinging with a text. Tyler grins and reaches around Kurt, who’d ended up on his lap at some point, to grab his phone from the night stand. It’s a message on the group chat about leaving for the bar in ten minutes.

“We should probably go if we’re gonna go to the bar,” He says, and his voice is a little rough and breathy.

“Right,” Kurt says, and slowly moves off of his lap, straightening his shirt, which Tyler had pushed up.

“I don’t know how the guys aren’t going to know now,” he teases, “Your lips are totally swollen.”

“That was your doing.”

“Oh, and the hickey. That definitely doesn’t help.”

Kurt goes over to the full body mirror on the bathroom door and examines his neck, “Man, you just had to leave it in such an obvious spot?”

“Sorry?” He tries, but he can’t help the smile plastered on his face.

“Sure you are,” Kurt laughs, grabbing his phone and wallet from the dresser and pulling on his shoes, “Let’s go.”

He grins at Kurt and pulls on his shoes too, shoving his phone and wallet into his jeans pockets. He locks the door behind them and they walk towards the lobby, where they can already hear the guys laughing obnoxiously.

“Should we?” He asks vaguely as they get closer to the shouts.

“If you’re ready, then I’m ready,”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” he replied, holding out his hand for Kurt to take, which he does, and he gives it a gentle squeeze.

“What took y'all so long?” Guude laughs once they finally reach the lobby.

“We were starting to think y’all were getting down and dirty,” Pause says with a mischievous grin.

“You’re not wrong,” He laughs as they approach the group, “But we’re saving that for later.”

They all laugh, and then Pause stops. “Wait… you’re serious?” And everyone else stops laughing too, and suddenly everyone's eyes are on them and their hands, which are still held between them.

“Um yeah,” Kurt says, and he’s blushing to his ears, “We’re serious.”

“Damn, get it guys!” Pyro cheers.

Pause gets really serious suddenly, “Thanks for trusting us with this guys. But you will never live this down, you know that, right?”

Guude giggles, “Especially with that hickey Kurt.”

He grins at Kurt, “See I told you.”

Kurt slaps his arm, “I told you not to do that,” but he’s smiling and laughing softly.

“You love it.”

“Yeah, I do.” Kurt gives him a quick kiss.

“Ew gross, you’re one of those couples.”

“Y’all let's go get drunk!” Guude announces, “Plus our Uber’s here, so let's go.”

They all file out of the hotel and he gives Kurt’s hand a squeeze before dropping it. And Kurt smiles at him. Once they’re in the Uber, he sets his hand on Kurt’s knee and squeezes lightly, and he doesn’t move it, and he’s so happy, and Kurt seems happy too.

~~~

He wakes up in the morning, and Kurt’s head is on his chest, and his head hurts. But he seems okay, beyond the bad headache. And if he’s being honest, waking up beside Kurt makes him so happy. It makes everything worth it. He runs his hand through Kurt’s short hair and takes a deep breath. He feels loose and relaxed, all tension and emotions from yesterday gone. And he feels good. He grabs for his phone, and when he turns it on, it’s far too early to be awake. Especially since it was still like an hour till they were gonna head to the convention center. He wants to go back to sleep, but he doesn’t feel like he can.

“Why’re you awake,” Kurt mumbles, his eyes half lidded.

“I dunno, just am,” he responds, his fingers still combing through his soft hair.

“What time is it?”

“Eight.”

“It’s too early,” Kurt mumbles against his chest.

“You can go back to sleep, silly.”

“Mmmm I know.”

He chuckles softly, smiling lazily.

“I think Pause probably has a few videos of us now,” Kurt comments into the quiet pale light of the morning.

“With how drunk you were, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Hey now, you were drunk too.”

“I was, yes. But I also wasn’t the one who started grinding. That was you.”

Kurt plays with the soft hair on Tyler’s chest, “I missed you.”

He chuckles softly, “I missed you too.”

“I don’t ever wanna leave this bed.”

“I wish I could say we didn’t have to leave, but we have stuff to do today.”

“Ugh. I know. But that’s not for another hour.”

“And what do you suppose we do with that time?” He asks softly, brushing his lips across Kurt’s temple.

Kurt grins slyly up at him, “I know exactly what we can do,” And he moves to straddle Tyler’s hips and it’s surprisingly graceful.

“I like this idea,” Tyler hums, tugging Kurt down so he could kiss him.

~~~

They only ended up being the last people to meet in the lobby by like, twenty minutes.

Pause wolf whistles as they walk down the hallway together, Kurt’s short hair damp from a shower, and messed up because Tyler really couldn’t keep his hands out of his hair, “Who do you think tops?”

“Probably Tyler,” Guude giggles.

Tyler just rolls his eyes and joins the group with Kurt at his side.

“Kurt, you should probably let me put some concealer on those hickeys, or you won’t survive the signing or the panel,” Aurey says, laughing softly.

Kurt slaps Tyler’s arm, and not too gently either, “You’re the absolute worst.”

“You love it,” Tyler retorts and catches Kurt for a kiss before he can go over to Aurey, who’s already digging in her purse.

“Somehow,” He winks and goes over to Aurey, who’s laughing and grinning, looking like she just might explode from the cuteness of it all.