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mindcracklove2016-06-18 01:06 am
ruddiestbubbles) wrote in mindcracklove2016-06-18 01:06 am
On A Wire
Two birds on a wire
One wants to fly away
But the other....
Based off of this song: https://youtu.be/zPiavVRIKCc
"Blame." Pak started nervously as he stood in the doorway of their bedroom, which was dark, as the curtains were drawn and the lights were off; just like always.
"What." Was the gruff reply he got.
He moved over to sit beside the lump under the blanket, sighing quietly. "How are you today?"
"Why do you care?"
"I love you, that's why."
"Fine, fine. I feel fine." Came the gruff voice, which was full of pain and fear.
"Blame.... Look at me, please?"
Blame finally sat up; his shirt hanging loosely on his thin yet toned body, his hair a complete mess, and dark circles under his eyes; which really stood out against his pale skin.
"Can you tell me how you're really doing, please?"
"What do you want me to say?" Blame sighed. "That I had another nightmare? That I was back in the war? That I'm slowly breaking inside?"
He rubbed Blame's back soothingly. "It's okay Blame, you're not there anymore, you're here now, safe, with me." He says, his voice low and soothing.
"But it's not okay!" Blame whined, burying his face in the pillow. "It'll never be fucking okay."
His- almost hopeful- smile fell to a thin line. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay." He says in a hushed voice. "Just calm down."
He heard the other let out a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry Pak... I love you."
A small smile grew on his lips. "I love you too Blame." He placed a kiss on the others head, a loving look settling in his dark grey eyes.
Blame tilted his head so his lips met his lovers; initiating a tender kiss. He couldn't help but let out a small satisfied hum as Blame was sorta acting normal again. He'd missed this side of his boyfriend. But, ever since he came back from war, he hadn't been the same. He was constantly having night terrors and flashbacks. He was either constantly mad or extremely depressed. He loved this man to no end, but it was getting tiresome, the constant worry and the constant struggle to keep Blame in a good frame of mind.
He knew it wasn't Blame's fault. He knew what had happened overseas had done a lot to him. But, if he were to be honest, he missed his boyfriend. He missed him a lot. He missed the surprise dates and the murmurs of sweet nothings late in the night or in the pale morning light. He missed everything thing about Blame, but he still loved him, no matter what.
"Hey Blame?" He tried after a few moments.
"Hmm?" Was the reply he got.
"Why don't we go on a date today?"
"Eh, I dunno Pak, I don't really wanna go out."
He frowned. He just wanted to be able to do romantic things with his lover again. "We haven't gone out since well before you left...."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but everything just so overcast right now Pak... I just don't know if I can handle it."
It was like two were on a wire. Pak wanted to go out and have a good time, while Blame was too scared to. He was afraid of facing the world because of what had transpired in the past across seas.
"C'mon Blame!" Pak says with enthusiasm, trying to encourage Blame. "Let's go do something together! Even if it's just a walk!"
"I'm just scared Pak.... I-I'm scared... What if...?"
"Blame, love, it's okay. I understand. I believe it all. Just trust me."
"I-I trust you..." Blame says unsurely as his gaze holds Pak's. "Alright, let's go."
He smile turns into a grin. "Awesome! Why don't you get around then."
"Yeah... I'll be ready in a few."
He places another kiss on Blame's head before heading from the room to slip on his shoes. He was excited about this. Blame has been extremely isolated since he came back. He had, of course, taken him to see a doctor, who had prescribed him with PTSD. He had a long talk with Blame's doctor about it and how to handle it. He knew the it would be a long journey for his recovery, but he was willing to wait.
But, as of recently, he'd felt his willingness slipping. It has been a year since Blame had finally come home. He had tried and tried to encourage him to leave the house and stop hiding away in their room. He was tired of missing the life they used to have. They used to go out and have fun and spend time with friends. Now all they did was stay inside and try to ward away the flashbacks. He silently prayed that it would all get better. He believed God had his back and he'd make everything better eventually.
Blame's voice cut through his thoughts. "I'm ready to go."
Blame looked horrible, if he were to be honest. The dark circles under his eyes looked even darker and his hair stuck up in all directions, and stubble lined his chin, making him look gruff and more warn out than before.
"Great, let's head out." He says, holding out his hand for Blame to take.
Blame takes his hand, holding on to it tightly as they reached the door. "I-I'm scared Pak..."
He gives his lover a smile and an encouraging squeeze of the hand. "It'll be okay. I won't let go of your hand."
Blame nods, biting his lip. "Please don't."
"I won't, I promise." He said as he opened the door, letting light flood into the dark living room.
He stepped out into the warm summer day, loving how the sun felt against his skin and how the light breeze ruffled his hair. He heard a small sigh beside him, and saw a small, almost hesitant, smile on Blame's face.
"See, isn't this nice?" He asked calmly, closing the door and locking behind them.
"Y-yeah, it is." Blame agrees, his voice still gruff, but sounding lighter than it had in a long time.
They started down the road together, hand in hand, walking in silence. He treasured this, for it had been far too long since they'd spent time together like this. Maybe this was the start of Blame's recovery. He prayed that it was.
"Hey Pak...?" Blame asked, sounding tired and worried.
"Yeah?" He asked gently, seeing the look settling in Blame's eyes.
"I-I'm feeling anxious... Can we go home?"
He gives Blame a gentle smile. "Of course love."
Once they get back home, Blame goes off to sit in the bedroom where it's dark to try and calm himself down. He goes into the kitchen to start cooking dinner for them, his mind full of thoughts. Today has been progress for sure. He actually got Blame to leave the house. Blame had actually smiled today too. If that weren't progress, then he wasn't sure what was.
He prepared two plates of food and sat them on the table. He walked into their room to see Blame sitting cross legged on the bed, his head bowed, his fingers laced together, his knuckles white.
"Hey." He said gently, putting a hand on Blame's shoulder.
Blame just lets out a huff of air.
He wraps Blame in a tight hug, resting his face in Blame's short brown hair. "It'll be okay love." He whispered quietly. "It'll all be okay."
Arms slowly wrapped around him, hugging him back. He felt Blame rest his head in the crook of his neck. He felt each breath fan across his skin. He felt the nervous shake of Blame's hands. He felt the tears as they started sliding down his lovers cheeks.
"I love you Blame." He whispered. "I love you more than you'll ever know."
"I-I love you too, Pak. Always." Blame spoke, his voice broken and shaky; faded and tired.
Their dinner was left forgotten as they sat there, on their bed, staying in each other's arms. One, trying to comfort his lover, who'd been through far too much. And, the other, just trying to hang onto that wire, for he was far too scared to leave it, for what good could come from it?
The next morning, he awoke to the bed empty beside him. He groaned, feeling tired, but got up and stretched anyway. He passed his way out to the kitchen, which emitted amazing smells. When he entered, he was met with a clean shaven, and honestly gorgeous, Blame, who looked far more composed than he'd been since he came back from the war.
He wrapped his arms around Blame's waist, his bare stomach pressed against Blame's back, his chin resting on Blame's shoulder. "Good morning love." He said sleepily, a lazy smile on his face.
"Good morning." Blame greeted, sounding well rested and happy, which was very odd. "How did you sleep?"
"Well. You?"
"Very good, for once."
"No night terrors?"
"Nope. None at all."
"That's wonderful love!" He said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"
"Really good." Blame said, turning so he was chest to chest with him. "Like actually good for once."
"Does that mean...?"
"Hmm. Yes silly, that means we can go on a date. And maybe possibly more." Blame teased, kissing his neck lightly, leaving a lingering tingling sensation.
"Oh god... Please... It's been too long Blame..."
Blame smiled sadly. "I know Pak... I'm sorry. I just haven't been myself lately."
"Hey, no need to worry love, I understand completely."
"I know. Thank you."
He just smiled at Blame before leaning in to kiss him. The kiss was tender and sweet, so unlike the gruff guise Blame usually had. He loved this side of Blame, though he couldn't deny just how much he loved the rougher side of him.
A while later, after breakfast and a while of just sitting around and talking, like they used to, the two headed out into the sunlight. They walked towards a restaurant; which wasn't anything fancy, but it had been where they had met. A nice quant little cafe that sat beside a lake. They were sat at a table, one that happened to have their names carved in a heart, which was the only imperfection on the wood table.
"I'm glad we finally get to do this again." He says, lacing their fingers together.
"Me too. I've missed you, and myself."
"I've missed you too."
"I'm sorry."
"Blame, love, look at me. There's no need to be sorry. I know it's been rough lately. But that's no need to worry. I'm okay. Sure I've been worried, but that's fine. I'm just glad you're doing better."
"I love you." Was Blame's reply, his voice quiet, yet sweet.
"I love you too."
The rest of lunch was spent with much lighter conversation and the occasional laugh; just like old times. Afterwords, they headed from the little cafe and walked around the park, both enjoying the sun and the light breeze. Blame suddenly stopped, looking frozen. Pak gave him an odd look before realizing what had happened. An airplane flew overhead, which had more than likely triggered a flashback. Blame sunk to the ground, his knees having given out. He hugged his knees to his chest, his head resting on them as he whimpered quietly.
He was instantly hugging Blame, rubbing his back, calling to him gently. "Blame. Blame. Blame." He coed, trying to soothe his lover. "It's okay Blame. You're not there anymore. You're here, with me, safe. Nothing can hurt you."
Blame muttered something, though he couldn't actually tell what, which worried him.
"Blame?" He tried again.
"The bombs." Blame's uttered, his voice cracking. "T-the bombs... The screams... T-the dead bodies..."
"Hey, it's okay. That's in the past. There's no need to worry about that now."
Blame finally looked up, his eyes were red and tears streaked down his pale cheeks.
"See. It's just me and you, here in the park."
"C-can we go home?" Blame asked weakly.
"Of course." He held out his hand for Blame, who immediately took it.
"Don't ever let go?"
"I wouldn't dream of it."
~
Weeks had passed and things had reverted back to how they had been not long ago. Blame stayed in their room most of the day, only leaving when he was forced to. Pak had started growing weary from it all. His patience was fading quick and he felt like he needed to get out and just enjoy himself. But, he felt like he couldn't just leave Blame by himself; he feared that he might do something to himself. But, he felt like Blame was just holding him back.
It was like they were on a wire. He wanted to fly and be free, while Blame held tight to that wire, too afraid to fly with him. He was ready to finally have fun after almost nine years. After Blame had left, he had been unable to find joy in life, though his faith had kept him strong, and he knew god would bring Blame home safely, which he did. He kept praying that Blame would get better soon, that things would be normal again. But, he was growing so very tired of it all. He felt like he needed a break; like he needed to leave the wire and finally fly freely. But, he didn't want to fly without his lover.
He sighed as he pulled on his shoes, shoving those thoughts aside. He needed to stay level headed. He needed to stay calm.
"Pak... Where are you going?" Blame asked hesitantly, standing just outside of the bedroom door.
"I just need to get out." Was his reply.
"Are-are you leaving me?" Blame asked with tears building up.
That broke his heart, but at the same time, made anger bubble through him. "Blame. I love you, so much, but I can't keep doing this." He let out a breath. "You're just holding me back. I don't want to leave you... But I just can't do this anymore."
"Y-you promised you'd never let go..."
He let out another breath. "Then come with me! Leave this all behind! Face your fears! Please just come with me! I don't want to leave you Blame! I love you so much! Please just come with me!" He held out his hand, his eyes pleading.
"Where are we gonna go?" Blame asked anxiously.
"I dunno, but let's go fly! Let's go have fun like old times! Let's go be us again!"
Blame looked anxious as he stared at Pak, his dark brown eyes brewing with a storm. He slowly reached out, taking Pak's hand. "Let's go. Let's do this. Let's be us again.... I-I miss it."
Pak smiled brighter than he had in a long, long time as he pulled Blame towards the door. They walked out into the sun shine and got into their car and just drove. Their destination? Neither had a clue. But, they were both flying away from that wire, far far away from that little wire.
One wants to fly away
But the other....
Based off of this song: https://youtu.be/zPiavVRIKCc
"Blame." Pak started nervously as he stood in the doorway of their bedroom, which was dark, as the curtains were drawn and the lights were off; just like always.
"What." Was the gruff reply he got.
He moved over to sit beside the lump under the blanket, sighing quietly. "How are you today?"
"Why do you care?"
"I love you, that's why."
"Fine, fine. I feel fine." Came the gruff voice, which was full of pain and fear.
"Blame.... Look at me, please?"
Blame finally sat up; his shirt hanging loosely on his thin yet toned body, his hair a complete mess, and dark circles under his eyes; which really stood out against his pale skin.
"Can you tell me how you're really doing, please?"
"What do you want me to say?" Blame sighed. "That I had another nightmare? That I was back in the war? That I'm slowly breaking inside?"
He rubbed Blame's back soothingly. "It's okay Blame, you're not there anymore, you're here now, safe, with me." He says, his voice low and soothing.
"But it's not okay!" Blame whined, burying his face in the pillow. "It'll never be fucking okay."
His- almost hopeful- smile fell to a thin line. "Hey, it's okay, it's okay." He says in a hushed voice. "Just calm down."
He heard the other let out a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry Pak... I love you."
A small smile grew on his lips. "I love you too Blame." He placed a kiss on the others head, a loving look settling in his dark grey eyes.
Blame tilted his head so his lips met his lovers; initiating a tender kiss. He couldn't help but let out a small satisfied hum as Blame was sorta acting normal again. He'd missed this side of his boyfriend. But, ever since he came back from war, he hadn't been the same. He was constantly having night terrors and flashbacks. He was either constantly mad or extremely depressed. He loved this man to no end, but it was getting tiresome, the constant worry and the constant struggle to keep Blame in a good frame of mind.
He knew it wasn't Blame's fault. He knew what had happened overseas had done a lot to him. But, if he were to be honest, he missed his boyfriend. He missed him a lot. He missed the surprise dates and the murmurs of sweet nothings late in the night or in the pale morning light. He missed everything thing about Blame, but he still loved him, no matter what.
"Hey Blame?" He tried after a few moments.
"Hmm?" Was the reply he got.
"Why don't we go on a date today?"
"Eh, I dunno Pak, I don't really wanna go out."
He frowned. He just wanted to be able to do romantic things with his lover again. "We haven't gone out since well before you left...."
"I know, and I'm sorry, but everything just so overcast right now Pak... I just don't know if I can handle it."
It was like two were on a wire. Pak wanted to go out and have a good time, while Blame was too scared to. He was afraid of facing the world because of what had transpired in the past across seas.
"C'mon Blame!" Pak says with enthusiasm, trying to encourage Blame. "Let's go do something together! Even if it's just a walk!"
"I'm just scared Pak.... I-I'm scared... What if...?"
"Blame, love, it's okay. I understand. I believe it all. Just trust me."
"I-I trust you..." Blame says unsurely as his gaze holds Pak's. "Alright, let's go."
He smile turns into a grin. "Awesome! Why don't you get around then."
"Yeah... I'll be ready in a few."
He places another kiss on Blame's head before heading from the room to slip on his shoes. He was excited about this. Blame has been extremely isolated since he came back. He had, of course, taken him to see a doctor, who had prescribed him with PTSD. He had a long talk with Blame's doctor about it and how to handle it. He knew the it would be a long journey for his recovery, but he was willing to wait.
But, as of recently, he'd felt his willingness slipping. It has been a year since Blame had finally come home. He had tried and tried to encourage him to leave the house and stop hiding away in their room. He was tired of missing the life they used to have. They used to go out and have fun and spend time with friends. Now all they did was stay inside and try to ward away the flashbacks. He silently prayed that it would all get better. He believed God had his back and he'd make everything better eventually.
Blame's voice cut through his thoughts. "I'm ready to go."
Blame looked horrible, if he were to be honest. The dark circles under his eyes looked even darker and his hair stuck up in all directions, and stubble lined his chin, making him look gruff and more warn out than before.
"Great, let's head out." He says, holding out his hand for Blame to take.
Blame takes his hand, holding on to it tightly as they reached the door. "I-I'm scared Pak..."
He gives his lover a smile and an encouraging squeeze of the hand. "It'll be okay. I won't let go of your hand."
Blame nods, biting his lip. "Please don't."
"I won't, I promise." He said as he opened the door, letting light flood into the dark living room.
He stepped out into the warm summer day, loving how the sun felt against his skin and how the light breeze ruffled his hair. He heard a small sigh beside him, and saw a small, almost hesitant, smile on Blame's face.
"See, isn't this nice?" He asked calmly, closing the door and locking behind them.
"Y-yeah, it is." Blame agrees, his voice still gruff, but sounding lighter than it had in a long time.
They started down the road together, hand in hand, walking in silence. He treasured this, for it had been far too long since they'd spent time together like this. Maybe this was the start of Blame's recovery. He prayed that it was.
"Hey Pak...?" Blame asked, sounding tired and worried.
"Yeah?" He asked gently, seeing the look settling in Blame's eyes.
"I-I'm feeling anxious... Can we go home?"
He gives Blame a gentle smile. "Of course love."
Once they get back home, Blame goes off to sit in the bedroom where it's dark to try and calm himself down. He goes into the kitchen to start cooking dinner for them, his mind full of thoughts. Today has been progress for sure. He actually got Blame to leave the house. Blame had actually smiled today too. If that weren't progress, then he wasn't sure what was.
He prepared two plates of food and sat them on the table. He walked into their room to see Blame sitting cross legged on the bed, his head bowed, his fingers laced together, his knuckles white.
"Hey." He said gently, putting a hand on Blame's shoulder.
Blame just lets out a huff of air.
He wraps Blame in a tight hug, resting his face in Blame's short brown hair. "It'll be okay love." He whispered quietly. "It'll all be okay."
Arms slowly wrapped around him, hugging him back. He felt Blame rest his head in the crook of his neck. He felt each breath fan across his skin. He felt the nervous shake of Blame's hands. He felt the tears as they started sliding down his lovers cheeks.
"I love you Blame." He whispered. "I love you more than you'll ever know."
"I-I love you too, Pak. Always." Blame spoke, his voice broken and shaky; faded and tired.
Their dinner was left forgotten as they sat there, on their bed, staying in each other's arms. One, trying to comfort his lover, who'd been through far too much. And, the other, just trying to hang onto that wire, for he was far too scared to leave it, for what good could come from it?
The next morning, he awoke to the bed empty beside him. He groaned, feeling tired, but got up and stretched anyway. He passed his way out to the kitchen, which emitted amazing smells. When he entered, he was met with a clean shaven, and honestly gorgeous, Blame, who looked far more composed than he'd been since he came back from the war.
He wrapped his arms around Blame's waist, his bare stomach pressed against Blame's back, his chin resting on Blame's shoulder. "Good morning love." He said sleepily, a lazy smile on his face.
"Good morning." Blame greeted, sounding well rested and happy, which was very odd. "How did you sleep?"
"Well. You?"
"Very good, for once."
"No night terrors?"
"Nope. None at all."
"That's wonderful love!" He said cheerfully. "How are you feeling?"
"Really good." Blame said, turning so he was chest to chest with him. "Like actually good for once."
"Does that mean...?"
"Hmm. Yes silly, that means we can go on a date. And maybe possibly more." Blame teased, kissing his neck lightly, leaving a lingering tingling sensation.
"Oh god... Please... It's been too long Blame..."
Blame smiled sadly. "I know Pak... I'm sorry. I just haven't been myself lately."
"Hey, no need to worry love, I understand completely."
"I know. Thank you."
He just smiled at Blame before leaning in to kiss him. The kiss was tender and sweet, so unlike the gruff guise Blame usually had. He loved this side of Blame, though he couldn't deny just how much he loved the rougher side of him.
A while later, after breakfast and a while of just sitting around and talking, like they used to, the two headed out into the sunlight. They walked towards a restaurant; which wasn't anything fancy, but it had been where they had met. A nice quant little cafe that sat beside a lake. They were sat at a table, one that happened to have their names carved in a heart, which was the only imperfection on the wood table.
"I'm glad we finally get to do this again." He says, lacing their fingers together.
"Me too. I've missed you, and myself."
"I've missed you too."
"I'm sorry."
"Blame, love, look at me. There's no need to be sorry. I know it's been rough lately. But that's no need to worry. I'm okay. Sure I've been worried, but that's fine. I'm just glad you're doing better."
"I love you." Was Blame's reply, his voice quiet, yet sweet.
"I love you too."
The rest of lunch was spent with much lighter conversation and the occasional laugh; just like old times. Afterwords, they headed from the little cafe and walked around the park, both enjoying the sun and the light breeze. Blame suddenly stopped, looking frozen. Pak gave him an odd look before realizing what had happened. An airplane flew overhead, which had more than likely triggered a flashback. Blame sunk to the ground, his knees having given out. He hugged his knees to his chest, his head resting on them as he whimpered quietly.
He was instantly hugging Blame, rubbing his back, calling to him gently. "Blame. Blame. Blame." He coed, trying to soothe his lover. "It's okay Blame. You're not there anymore. You're here, with me, safe. Nothing can hurt you."
Blame muttered something, though he couldn't actually tell what, which worried him.
"Blame?" He tried again.
"The bombs." Blame's uttered, his voice cracking. "T-the bombs... The screams... T-the dead bodies..."
"Hey, it's okay. That's in the past. There's no need to worry about that now."
Blame finally looked up, his eyes were red and tears streaked down his pale cheeks.
"See. It's just me and you, here in the park."
"C-can we go home?" Blame asked weakly.
"Of course." He held out his hand for Blame, who immediately took it.
"Don't ever let go?"
"I wouldn't dream of it."
~
Weeks had passed and things had reverted back to how they had been not long ago. Blame stayed in their room most of the day, only leaving when he was forced to. Pak had started growing weary from it all. His patience was fading quick and he felt like he needed to get out and just enjoy himself. But, he felt like he couldn't just leave Blame by himself; he feared that he might do something to himself. But, he felt like Blame was just holding him back.
It was like they were on a wire. He wanted to fly and be free, while Blame held tight to that wire, too afraid to fly with him. He was ready to finally have fun after almost nine years. After Blame had left, he had been unable to find joy in life, though his faith had kept him strong, and he knew god would bring Blame home safely, which he did. He kept praying that Blame would get better soon, that things would be normal again. But, he was growing so very tired of it all. He felt like he needed a break; like he needed to leave the wire and finally fly freely. But, he didn't want to fly without his lover.
He sighed as he pulled on his shoes, shoving those thoughts aside. He needed to stay level headed. He needed to stay calm.
"Pak... Where are you going?" Blame asked hesitantly, standing just outside of the bedroom door.
"I just need to get out." Was his reply.
"Are-are you leaving me?" Blame asked with tears building up.
That broke his heart, but at the same time, made anger bubble through him. "Blame. I love you, so much, but I can't keep doing this." He let out a breath. "You're just holding me back. I don't want to leave you... But I just can't do this anymore."
"Y-you promised you'd never let go..."
He let out another breath. "Then come with me! Leave this all behind! Face your fears! Please just come with me! I don't want to leave you Blame! I love you so much! Please just come with me!" He held out his hand, his eyes pleading.
"Where are we gonna go?" Blame asked anxiously.
"I dunno, but let's go fly! Let's go have fun like old times! Let's go be us again!"
Blame looked anxious as he stared at Pak, his dark brown eyes brewing with a storm. He slowly reached out, taking Pak's hand. "Let's go. Let's do this. Let's be us again.... I-I miss it."
Pak smiled brighter than he had in a long, long time as he pulled Blame towards the door. They walked out into the sun shine and got into their car and just drove. Their destination? Neither had a clue. But, they were both flying away from that wire, far far away from that little wire.