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[personal profile] ruddiestbubbles posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
The clock strikes twelve, a new year.
The clock strikes twelve, a new adventure begins.
The clock strikes twelve, a way to forget the last year.
The clock strikes twelve, but can one really forget?
The clock strikes twelve, is there a way to continue on like this?

An old warn photo album sat on his lap, tears flowing in a never ending stream down his face, his purple eyes displaying so many emotions; sadness, anger, self loathing, emptiness, longing. Each picture was bittersweet. All the happiness. All the joy. All the moments when everything was normal, perfect even. When he had been so happy. When everything felt right. That had been so long ago, it felt. Though, it was only a year. It was the longest year of his life.

He regretted yelling at the other. He regretted seeing those beautiful grey-red eyes brimming with tears and a deep sorrow. He hated himself for walking out and slamming the door. Why? Why had he been so stupid?

"Etho?" Nebris asked, rather nervous.

"Hmm?" Etho questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you ok?" Nebris started. "Like really. Are you ok?"

Etho looked slightly taken aback by Nebris' persistence, but he let it slide. "Yeah, why?"

"You just seem.... I dunno, unlike yourself lately." Nebris had noticed Etho looking thinner and paler than usual and the way he had bags under his eyes, almost like he barely ever slept, and it worried Nebris so much.

"Nebris. I'm fine. I promise."

Nebris didn't believe him. He so wanted to trust the other, but it felt like Etho had been lying to him for months now. He'd always let it slide, but it was frustrating. He just wanted to help. He just wanted the other to feel ok again, cause clearly he was hurting.

"Your not Etho. You may not know this, but I'm not dumb. You think I Don't notice the little things." Nebris says, a little anger seeping into his voice. "I just want you to stop lying to me."

Etho took a deep breath, taking Nebris' hands in his, willing the small trembles to cease. "I promise I'm fine Nebris. I've just been a bit stressed." Etho hoped that Nebris wouldn't see through his little lies.

Nebris pulled his hands from Etho's, rather roughly. "Don't lie to me Etho! It's pretty fucken obvious that your not ok!"

Tears stung Etho's eyes as Nebris yelled at him. He wanted to tell Nebris, but he couldn't. Not yet. He hated lying. He hated doing this to Nebris, but he couldn't muster the courage to tell Nebris. He didn't want Nebris to worry about him, more than he was at least.

"I'm sorry Nebris....." Etho said, his voice weak, barely a whisper.

"No your not! You obviously don't care anymore!" Nebris yelled, unable to stop the flood of emotions escaping him. "It's been months since you've been truthful with me! It's been constant lies!"

"Nebris...." Etho tries, but to no avail.

"No Etho! I'm done with your excuses. I'm done with the lies. I thought you trusted me...." Tears streaked Nebris' cheeks as everything came crashing down. "I thought you loved me...." Nebris adds quietly.

"I.... I do Nebris. It's just.... I can't.... I can't tell you." Etho admitted sadly.

"Of course you won't!" Nebris yelled, not caring that tears were streaming down Etho's face. "God, your so fucken frustrating!" Nebris throws his hands up in defeat and walks towards the door.

"N-Nebris?" Etho called, scared.

"I'm done Etho. Im just done." Was Nebris' reply as he walked out the door, slamming it behind him, not even caring about the sob he heard escape Etho.

He regretted everything from that night. He regretted walking out. He regretted going and getting drunk. He hated himself because of it. After that night, he felt so mad. But, he eventually calmed down enough and wanted to apologize. But, nothing could prepare him for when he went back home the next day.

Nebris took a deep breath and unlocked the door to the small apartment he and Etho shared. He really wanted to tell Etho he was sorry. And maybe, Etho would tell him what's wrong. He could only hope.

"Etho." Nebris called nervously.

A hoarse, weak sounding call of Nebris' name had him running. What he saw broke his heart. Etho laid on their bed pale, shaking, crying, blood spotted on the corners of his mouth.

"Etho?!?" Nebris asks, rushing over to Etho's side.

"N-Nebs." Etho mumbles weakly, a pale hand caressing Nebris' tan cheek.

"What happened?!?"

"Don't...." Etho started, but was interrupted by a coughing fit, which racked through his body, causing blood to reach his lips. "Worry Nebs.... I'll.... I'll be in... a better place."

"No!" Nebris sobs, grasping Etho's hand tightly. "No you-you can't leave me."

Etho smiles weakly at Nebris, stroking Nebris' cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I-I love you.... Nebs.... alwa...." Etho's hand slowly fell from Nebris' face as his chest stopped rising and his shaking ceased.

"Etho! No!" Nebris sobbed as he shook Etho's shoulders. "Etho please.... you-you can't be dead.... Etho!" Nebris collapsed on Etho's unmoving body, dissolving in sobs as tears stained his cheeks.

Nebris wiped at his face, trying to rid himself of tears that never seemed to end. He let out a deep breath and glanced at the clock. Five minutes to midnight. Five minutes to a new year. He ran a shaky hand through his, already messy, brown hair. He wished Etho was by his side. He wished Etho was there to comfort him, but no, he couldn't be. Why did it have to happen to him? He didn't deserve it!

Two minutes to midnight. Nebris grabbed a piece of paper and started reading the words he'd read a million other times. He heard the tick of the clock, signifying midnight.

As the clock struck twelve, Nebris put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger without a second thought. As Nebris' body fell to the ground, blood gushing, a piece of paper floated to the ground, like an abandoned feather floating through the wind.

Dear Nebris,

Nebris, my wonderful, wonderful boyfriend, I love you and I'm so sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. I'm sorry that I lied to you. It was the only way to keep you from worrying.

What I hadn't told you, I had cancer. It was really bad when they found it. There was no way to stop it, so I forwent any treatment. I knew I only had a few months left and I wanted to spend them with you, happy. That's why I didn't tell you. I knew you'd freak out and demand I get treatment. Im so, so sorry Nebris.

I only had three weeks left, at most. That's why I ended it. Im sorry we had a fight. I'm sorry that I caused it. You don't even know how sorry I am, I can't say it enough.

Now, before you go and do something stupid, just know that I did this for my own good, for yours too. Just please don't hurt yourself Nebris, I can't stand the thought of seeing tears in your beautiful purple eyes and cuts on your wrists. Please Nebris, just give me this one last thing. Promise me, and yourself, that you won't hurt yourself.

I love you Nebris. Always. Never, ever, forget that.


Date: Thursday, January 7th, 2016 02:54 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Etho's words... My heart just broke.
-Observing Anon

Date: Friday, January 8th, 2016 01:47 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
But but but... *bursts into tears and starts sobbing uncontrollably*
(5 minutes latter) *curled up in a ball in a corner, slowly
rocking back and forth* I'm ok, everything's fine, I can breath again, it's ok.
-Observing Anon

Date: Friday, January 8th, 2016 03:59 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I just finally read this. The letter at the end...why? Between this and Letting Go, there's barely any happiness here anymore. *sigh* I suppose I'll just have to wait it out. You write heartbreak really well.

-the lurkiest lurker

Date: Saturday, January 9th, 2016 07:50 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Please post that, happiness is needed very desperately.
-Observing Anon


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