Fic Wars: Ouija Board

Thursday, May 21st, 2015 03:19 pm
tdscott8: (Default)
[personal profile] tdscott8 posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
I had the idea for this story since the most recent UHC that had Team Potty Mouth in it. It's rather short, but I don't think its too bad.

Warning: Alcohol&Swearing (duh, it's Team Potty Mouth)

This is also my entry for Fic Wars, in which Shawn challenged me.



One day, while cleaning out his attic, GenerikB had found a dusty old box hidden behind boxes of Christmas ornaments. He opened up the box and inside was an old just as dusty ouija board. He wasn't really sure how it had got there, seeing how he'd never owned a ouija board before, but quite frankly he didn't really care.


Naturally, GenerikB decided to do the one thing that anybody who had just found an ancient relic that could be used to contact the spirits...


Invite over 3 of his most irresponsible friends, get drunk, and then use it carelessly.


Anderz had arrived at his place first, carrying a large bottle of Kopparbergs alcoholic cider.

He was followed by Pyro who had brought with him a 6 pack of Harp's. The last guest being Millbee had gone all out, bringing an entire basket of various wines and other alcohols.


After about 2 hours of non-stop drinking, the 4 men who made up 'Team Potty Mouth' were thoroughly wasted.


"Aight guys, we should, we should to'ally use that ouija board now" Millbee said, stuttering a bit, then taking another swig from the bottle he was holding.


"No ways man, dat shits be cursed or someding" Anderz already difficult to understand Swedish accent mixing with the lisp he got when he was drunk made it hard for Millbee to get what he was saying. GenerikB however seemed to get the gist of it.


"Aw, is da big Viking man scared of a wittle spirit haunting himV Does he need his mama?" GenerikB said jokingly, poking fun at his Swedish friend.


"Anderz is a shicken!" Pyro called out, purposefully poking fun at Anderz inability to say words with the 'ch' sound.


"I am not a shicken! S'your da shicken!" Anderz called back at Pyro.


"Bawk, bawk, Anderz is a shicken!" Pyro said while making small gestures of what he assumed a chicken would do.


"Fine, I'll do da stupids game, bu' if someding bad happens it's yours fault!" Anderz said pouting, sitting down at the table where the ouija board was placed.


Pyro sat down across from him with a victorious smile, and then took another shot of alcohol, GenerikB and Millbee sat Down as well.


"Aight, so I used one o' these back in, back in college. So Imma expert." Millbee said, deciding to take the lead on what to do. "Ev'ryone put your hand on the triangle thingy, and then we ask't a question"


They all did as Millbee had said, and put a hand on the 'triangle thingy', which is actually called a planchette, in the middle.


"Mkay, so now, we jus' dunt take our hands off and ask't a question" Millbee said, now placing his hand atop the others.


"Oh mysterious spirits! It is I the ghost of GenerikB! OOOooOooOoohh!" Pyro said, waving his free arm around in the air. GenerikB and Millbee broke out into laughter, finding it far funnier than they should have, although that was probably partly due to the alcohol.


Their laughter was cut short when all the lights in the house immediately cut off, and it was left pitch black. A scream was heard, sounding like it came from a woman.


"What the fuck was that?" Pyro asked, the sound of fear in his voice.


"S-sorry..." Anderz said quietly.


"Geez y'big babies, it was probably jus' a power ou'age or somethin'" said GenerikB, the laughter in his tone still there. "Look, I'll jus' go check the power box" GenerikB was about to take his hand off of the planchette when Millbee slammed his hand onto his, making it impossible for GenerikB to remove his hand.


"No way Genny, y- you can't, you can't do that. It's like, not allowed. Or else the spirits'll get us or some shit" Millbee said, keeping his forceful hand on top of GenerikB's.


"Fine, wha'eva man, let's just start the game" GenerikB said, the sound of fun no longer evident in his voice.


Pyro pulled out his smartphone and used the flashlight on it to illuminate the flat wooden board, which was decorated with every letter of the alphabet, numbers 0-9, the words yes, no, and goodbye.


"Okay, okay, lemme go first" Millbee said, moving his neck in a circle as if to stretch. "Oh great spirits of the sky! I am Millbee King of the Sheep, and I, um, I am here with my serf friends!" Millbee raised his voice rather loudly, and used his free hand to make over-the-top movements that were barely visible from the light of Pyro's phone.


"Hey! I'm not a serf!" Anderz called out with a pout. This caused Pyro to go into a slight giggle fit which lasted about a minute or two.


"Yeah whatever, anyways, is there a, a spirit in the room?" Millbee asked much more nonchalantly than his previous statement.


Everyone leaned in close to the board, to see if the spirit would contact them, and after a good thirty seconds... Nothing happened at all.


"Aw man, this board's a gyp" Millbee said, slumping back in his chair, though still making sure to keep his hand on the planchette.


"Laaaaame" Pyro said taking his hand off of the planchette and standing up.


All of a sudden a shrill shriek was heard booming from above the table, a sharp voice worse than nails on a chalk board. The scream just kept on going.


"What the fuck is that!" Anderz yelled.


"Pyro you took your goddamn hand off the mother fucking triangle thingy!" Millbee yelled over the screaming at Pyro.


"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Pyro put his hand back on the planchette but the screaming continued.


"Wait a minute, where the hell did Genny go?" Millbee asked.


"Oh shit oh shit oh shit" Pyro said.


"Oh fuck we're gonna die!" Anderz screamed before picking up a bottle of alcohol and chugging what was left of it.


"Damn it Pyro this is all your fault!" Millbee yelled, not sure what to do.


All at once the screaming stopped, and the lights to the house turned back on. The sound of screaming was replaced by the sound of laughing, not that of a ghost girl though, rather a very familiar laugh.


GenerikB walked out from the kitchen laughing his head off. His eyes were ready and face red from laughter.


"Oh you guys are so gullible y'bunch of fools!" GenerikB said in between laughter. He was holding his stomach and then began coughing, as if all this laughter was hurting him, but a giant smile was still on his face.


"What the fuck?" Pyro asked, clearly confused.


"Wai- you, you did this?" Millbee asked.


"Of course y'idiot, there's ouija boards don't work" GenerikB said.


"Guys... I, I think I need new pants" Anderz said. GenerikB brown out into laughter again.


"W- wait, Anderz, y- you crapped your pants?" GenerikB said, wiping away a few tears from laughing so hard.


"N-no! I just thinks i needs a new pants" Anderz said, his face bright red from embarrassment. GenerikB kept laughing, and Pyro even joined in on the laughter too


"Y'guys are jerks!" Anderz yelled out.


"We're all out of wine" Millbee said, entering the conversation after being quiet for quite some time now. This out of the blue statement shut up Anderz, GenerikB and Pyro for some reason. They all just stood there in silence, before Pyro began giggling, followed by GenerikB, then Millbee, and finally even Anderz joined in on the laughter.


Anderz went and got a change of pants, courtesy of GenerikB, and Generik allowed them all to stay the night seeing how it was already almost 2 am, and no one was sober enough to even walk home, let alone drive.

The next morning all four men woke up with skull splitting hangovers, yet absolutely no regrets.



I'm deciding to classify this as comedy/humor, so the person I challenge will not be allowed to use that genre. I choose to tag Sharpie! If this isn't okay, lemme know in the comments. C:
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