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News of Zisteau's condition is shared...



"Kurt... Shhhh... It's okay bud, it's okay." Came a soothing voice in his ear; the only other sound that actually registered to his clouded brain.

"Breath Kurt, breath, it's okay."

He shook his head violently. "It-it's not okay." He muttered, his voice almost lost because of its quietness.

"Take a deep breath and hold it." The voice instructed calmly.

He did as he was told and took a deep breath and held it.

"Count to ten and then release it."

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. He counted slowly before releasing the air.

"Good, good. One more time."

He nodded as he took in another deep breath and counted to ten slowly before releasing it. He felt his breathing even out and his heart rate drop back to a, somewhat normal, pace. He opened his eyes slowly, glancing up slightly to see soft light brown curls and misty grey eyes full of concern and compassion.

She put her hands on his arms. "See, you're okay." She says with a gentle voice. "Everything's okay."

He just blinked, licking his dry lips, his voice caught in his thought, his mouth hanging open slightly.

She smiled gently. "I know you're worried about Zisteau, but I can assure you he's perfectly fine." She says sweetly.

"H-he is?" He asked, hope slowly entering his dull blue eyes, which were wide with fear.

"Yes, he is. He's in recovery right now, but very soon he'll be back in his room and you'll be able to see him."

"His surgery went well....?"

"It went very smoothly."

He let out a deep, shuddering breath as he felt his body un-stiffen slightly; almost like all the tension was released. "Where'd the guys go...?" He asked, suddenly noticing the lac of the trio.

"Well, Etho ran to find me and I told the three to leave because I know panic attacks are best handled in calm and quiet spaces."

He nodded, not sure what to say.

"Have you had panic attacks before?" She asked gently; misty grey eyes full of compassion.

He nodded quickly. "Y-yeah... Multiple times."

"How've you handled them in the past?"

"Well... Umm..." He scratched the back of his neck anxiously. "Giving in to the urges...."

"The urges?"

"....Cutting...."

She gently grabbed his hands, turning them over in her hands so she could see the freshly cut up wrists and the many faded scars. "These are recent... When?"

"This morning..." He admitted awkwardly.

"How?"

"T-the razor..."

"Damnit." She cursed quietly. "I told them not to put one of those in your room." She sighed, setting his hands down. "I'm taking those away from you. And I'm going to keep a closer eye on you. This is a habit we have to break."

All he could do was nod, his gaze finding the ground, not wanting to see the disappointment in her eyes. A beep from her smart watch caught both of their attention.

"Do you want to go see Zisteau?" She asks gently.

He nodded quickly. "Yes.... Please... I need him."

She gave him a sad smile, rubbing his back gently. "Let's go then."

He shakily stands up, trying not to let the trembling that seemed to run through his whole body show too much. He walked beside her, as they left the room, heading for Zisteau's. She gave him an encouraging smile and left him to go in by himself. He took a deep breath, his hand resting shakily on the nob. He slowly pushed the door open; taking hesitant and shaky steps into the room. He couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped his lips as tired blue-green eyes met his dull blue.

"Hey." Zisteau croaked out, a small smile on his face as he slowly sat up, wincing slightly.

His feet seemed like they were stuck to the ground, like he just couldn't move. "I-I..." Was all he could seem to say as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Come here." Zisteau says softly, beckoning the quiet boy closer.

Somehow, he forced his feet to move and he slowly reached the edge of the bed.

"It's okay beautiful." Zisteau says softly, voice still rough from the anesthesia, wiping a few tears away.

"I-I was so worried." He somehow managed to say through the lump in his throat.

"I know, but it's okay, I'm okay, and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."

He leaned into Zisteau's touch, finding comfort in it. "I-I know... Just hard to believe sometimes...."

Zisteau took Kurt's hand in his, rubbing circles into the delicate skin. "That's understandable..." He started, but stopped mid sentence, his lips parted. "Kurt... Did you..?" He asked, flipping over Kurt's wrist, examining the damage.

"I-I couldn't take it!" He sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks, his eyes wide with fear.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Zisteau cooed, caressing Kurt's cheek.

"B-but...."

"Shhh, it's okay, I promise."

"A-aren't you mad...?"

"Of course I'm not mad Kurt." Zisteau sent him a gentle smile. "I just want to know that you're okay.... Even if that did happen."

"I had a panic attack..." His voice was broken and weak as he tried to speak.

"Oh.... But you're okay, right?"

He nodded slowly. "As okay as I can be." He let out a deep breath, trying to calm his fried nerves.

"That's good, right?"

He shrugged. "I-I just need a hug right now..."

Zisteau gave him a sad smile. "I wish I could hug you and hold you for a while, but I can't. Doc says no physical contact for the rest of the day, and maybe part of tomorrow."

"It's okay..." He takes Zisteau's hand, twining their fingers together gently and sitting on the chair that resided beside Zisteau's bed. "Just you being here is enough."

That made a smile spread across Zisteau's perfect pale pink lips. "I'm glad me and my measly presence helps you." He couldn't help but chuckle lightly as the words left his lips.

A small smile tugged at his lips. "I like your laugh." He commented quietly, his gaze flickering to the hand in his.

"You know, I don't think I've heard you laugh yet." Zisteau commented, his gaze cast upon the broken boy that sat near him.

"Guess I haven't had a reason to laugh... Not for a long time."

Zisteau's smile faltered slightly. "Not since your parents?" He asked quietly, his voice gentle.

He nodded. "Y-yeah... Life's been kinda tough since then."

"I can tell." Zisteau rubbed circles into the back of Kurt's hand. "You can see it in your face especially. You look exhausted."

"I am..."

"Not sleeping well either, I take it?"

He shook his head. "I can never seem to sleep well."

"Does Lauren know?"

Another shake of the head. "No...."

"You aren't gonna tell her, are you?"

He shrugged. "I don't see the point..."

"My father once told me." Zisteau started, his blue-green gaze on Kurt. "There's a solution to every problem, you've just gotta be open enough to find it."

He blinked a couple of times, feeling rather confused. "How does that pertain to me?"

"What I'm saying is; I know how you feel about yourself. I know you aren't happy with yourself, but if you try hard enough, you'll be able to find the solution to this problem."

That word played through his head. Problem. That's all he was. One big problem. His shoulders slumped as that word seemed to play on repeat.

"Hey now, it's okay." Zisteau says gently, sensing the slight change in Kurt's demeanor.

He shook his head slightly. "It's not okay... I'm just a big problem..."

"That is the farthest thing from the truth, Kurt. Yes, you have problems, but that doesn't make you a problem."

He just sighed as he felt tears stinging his eyes. "Try telling that to anyone who's ever called me that..."

"Who has called you that?" Zisteau asked gently, his head tilted slightly to the side.

"My uncle." His gaze met Zisteau's briefly, but he couldn't hold that beautiful gaze for long.

"Well your uncle, from what I've heard, isn't a super fantastic guy, and really has no right in calling you anything but perfect."

"But I'm not perfect..."

"In my eyes, you are."

"How....?"

"I don't think there are even words I can say that'll even come close to explaining it."

"Not like I'd believe them anyway." He says, gaze cast down.

"Hey now. Look at me, please?" Zisteau says, waiting for those beautiful blue eyes to meet his blue-green. "You're amazing and beautiful and I don't know how to convince you of this, but I promise I'll try my best to prove it to you."

"You can try, but it's not worth it... I'm not worth it."

"You're are worth it."

He let out a deep sigh. "It's just not worth trying Z, okay, just back off." He bit out, anger bubbling to the surface.

Zisteau blinked a few times, confusion quickly replacing the worried look in his blue-green eyes. "I... I'm sorry?"

Suddenly tears were prickling at his eyes and he put his head in his hands, his heart squeezing. "I-I'm sorry!" He spoke quickly, his voice strained. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, it's okay." Zisteau spoke quietly. "What's wrong?"

"Ever since they put me on that stupid medication I've been so irritable... And I hate it..."

"God I wish I could hug you right now." Zisteau mumbled, giving Kurt's hand a gentle squeeze. "You'll have to talk to Lauren about this, you know." He commented a few moments later.

He gulped, his eyes finding Zisteau's. "She'll probably just be more upset with me..."

"Why's she upset with you, beautiful?"

"She found out about the cutting..."

"Oh Kurt, she's just worried about you, as am I. I just want you to be okay."

"I want to be okay too..." His voice quiet, fragile, almost like he was just now finding this out.

He wanted to be okay again. He wanted to be okay for Zisteau. He wanted that so much; much more than he'd ever realized before.

"I-I want to be okay Zisteau.... I-I want to be okay." He said again, clutching at his boyfriend's hand.

Zisteau couldn't help the grin that spread across his lips as his heart swelled with joy. "I'll be there every step of the way, beautiful." He spoke, his joy filling his voice as he gripped Kurt's hand in his own, his gaze holding the teary blue of his boyfriend.

Date: Monday, August 15th, 2016 09:25 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
So, are Z and Kurt going to be buried next to each other, or is that still a little too hopeful?

A note about one part of you're narration real quick; There was a paragraph that you started with a different time frame, "He shakily stands up," but the rest of the paragraph and story seem to be in a past-tense voice. "He walked beside her," "She gave him an encouraging smile," ect. It would have worked better if it had been "He shakily stood up." I know it's kind of a small thing, but constructive criticism and stuff. I notice it every once and awhile in your writing, and I wanted to point it out so that you could watch for it. (::) (::) (::)
-Observing Anon

Date: Tuesday, August 16th, 2016 07:34 pm (UTC)
scara: Steampunk hat (Default)
From: [personal profile] scara
*catches up with story*

Hmmmmm....

*unlocks safe, gets out 4 cookies and puts them on a plate, re-locks safe*

*hands plate to Bubbles* 1 cookie for the previous chapter and 3 for today.

Zisteau gives really good advice. I understand Kurt's viewpoint on feeling like a problem but really just having problems, not quite on the same level but I've shut myself off from the world before to avoid causing problems and dealing with things.
Edited Date: Tuesday, August 16th, 2016 07:35 pm (UTC)

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