A Cruel World Chpt. 5

Wednesday, June 8th, 2016 11:19 pm
ruddiestbubbles: (Default)
[personal profile] ruddiestbubbles posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
It's been a while. Oops.

Sometimes just talking to an old friend is exactly what you need to calm your never ending battle to believe in yourself.


Zisteau awoke feeling tired and worn out. He threw an arm over his eyes, trying to block the sun that shone brightly through the window. He groaned, feeling stressed. He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to face the day. And, he definitely didn't want to leave the little settlement yet. He moved his arm and looked over to Kurt's bed, quickly noticing the absence of the shy man. He pulled himself out of bed and went down the stairs, sitting at the bar.

"Morning Z." Beef greeted a kind smile.

"Morning." He grumbled, his voice gruff and gravely.

"Not sleep well?"

He shook his head. "Not at all."

Beef sat a steaming mug of coffee in front of him. "This should help a little."

"Thanks." He says, taking a long drink of the hot liquid, finding it delicious and soothing. After a moment, he remembers something. "Where's Kurt?"

"He's outside enjoying the sun." Beef answers with a chuckle. "Like you should be. You're so tense. I think you need to take a break and relax."

"How am I supposed to relax? I have so much to do." He let out a long breath.

"So much to do?"

"I've gotta get Kurt to Diamond City, I've gotta go to Good Neighbor for some supplies. And I've gotta head back to my house and upgrade my weapons."

"Zisteau, you've got all the time in the world, so why not take a break?"

"I just feel like I've gotta keep going or I'll fall behind."

Beef sighs, leaning on the counter. "I don't see how one day could make you fall so far behind." He said with a serious look on his face. "You know you need the break."

He sighed. "I do need a break." He said, looking at the dark liquid in his cup. "You know, maybe you're right. One day couldn't hurt, right?"

Beef gave him a smile. "You can stay here tonight." He offers. "And no, you're aren't giving me a single cap."

He simply shook his head. "You're too kind."

"Hey, with everyone being so cruel in the wasteland, it's always nice to have a friendly person."

He cracks a smile. "Ah, that's very true. I wish there were more of you in this world."

"Me too." Beef laughed. "But then again, one of me is enough."

He laughed with Beef. "I think one of you is too much."

Beef simply rolled his eyes and took a sip of his own coffee. "So, last night, you mentioned a guy. Who is it?"

"You aren't gonna let it go, are you?"

"Nope." Beef says, popping the p.

"Ugh. Fine." He groaned. "It's Kurt."

Beef's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Him?"

"Yeah." He says, tracing a crack in the wood countertop, his eyes following his finger.

"This is new." Beef laughed. "Zisteau. The Zisteau is all gushy over a guy."

"Oh shush." He said, though he didn't look up.

"You gonna tell him?"

He shrugs. "I dunno. He just doesn't seem like he'd be up for a relationship." He lets out a deep breath. "He's just so quiet and hesitant. I know he's hurting, which makes me even more hesitant."

"What happened to him?"

"News of Kingsport Lighthouse hasn't reached here yet?"

Beef gives him a look. "No."

"It was attacked by a group of raiders and Kurt watched his family and friends die. He said he was the only one who managed to get out alive."

"Oh..."

"Yeah. Now do you see why I'm so nervous about this whole thing?"

"Yeah, I do." Beef frowned slightly. "But that's not it, is it?"

He shakes his head sadly. "No, no it's not."

"It's not about..... Is it?"

"No, it's not about Etho. I'm over him Beef. Sure, I miss him, but I do realize he's gone and never coming back."

"Then what is it?"

"Well. Kurt's vision is basically nothing without special glasses, and I'm afraid that once he sees the real me, he'll be scared and call me a monster too."

Beef sighs, leaning on the counter. "You aren't a monster Zisteau."

"I know.... But sometimes it's just difficult looking like one."

"But looks aren't everything. It's about what's inside that really matters."

He put his head in his hands. "Do you know how long it took to convince myself I wasn't a monster?" He let out a shaky breath. "After the whole thing happened everyone was so scared of me and called me so many mean things. It hurt. A lot. I tried to brush off the comments and hurtful words, but the looks I got, I couldn't just ignore. I just couldn't take anymore; then they finally kicked me out and I was alone. All alone."

Beef frowned, looking at his distressed friend worriedly. "But Zisteau, what about all of the people who accepted you. You've got Vechs and I, at the very least. And you know Guude will always accept you."

"That doesn't change the fact that my family disowned me and I was forced to leave home."

"I know it changes none of that Z, but why can't you just let go of the past and look to the future."

"You don't think I've tried that already? I've tried so hard to, but I just can't seem to shake off the feeling that maybe my parents were right. Maybe I am a monster."

"The only monster is them Zisteau. You aren't a monster at all. You are one of the nicest guys I know. And, if others can't see that then fuck them, you don't need that negativity in your life."

He finally looked up at Beef. "Maybe your right."

Beef offered a small smile. "Now, you can either sit in here and mope, or you can go spend time with the guy you like."

A light blush colored his cheeks as he stood up. "Do not mention any of this to anyone."

"And the old Zisteau's back!" Beef teased with a smirk.

"He never left."

"Sadly." Beef teased. "Now run along, go be with Kurt."

He gave Beef a smile before heading out into the warm afternoon air.
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