His Daughter

Sunday, May 15th, 2016 09:22 pm
ruddiestbubbles: (Default)
[personal profile] ruddiestbubbles posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
He loved his daughter.
Based off of this song https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=v-gk_5sdwNw
goes into the topic of religion, just a fair warning.


Teary emerald green eyes full of fear peaked out from behind an old wooden bookcase, which held so many tales, stories of adventures from long ago, of princesses and knights in shining armor, of jousting and sword duels, of true love and despair. Those emerald green eyes watched as a man, who'd had far too much to drink, which a small pale nose could detect with the stench that was brought with it. Tiny ears, which bore small red gems, accenting the red hair that fell in curls that rested just above slim shoulders, could hear the yelling, an almost deafening sound to the young, young child. A thin white material clung to the small frame of the child, which hung loosely on the child's legs, where the material was poufy. The child held their knees close to their chest, shaking as the tears streaked down the child's pale cheeks.

"Everything will be okay." A small, broken voice whispered, the sound almost inaudible, as the child rocked back and forth, trying to shut out the world, which seemed to be crumbling around her.

A loud sound rang through the air, skin on skin contact, a sound followed by a whimper, then a deathly silence as the yelling stopped. She flinched, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block out the world.

"Everything will be okay." That small voice said again, sounding weak, broken, almost a whimper as the young girl tried to convince herself of those words, which seemed so untrue, so unbelievable.

She opened one eye slowly, seeing a woman with equally red hair and green eyes, cupping her cheek, tears staining her face. The thing she didn't see; the man.

~

Ten years had gone and passed, the man, the young girl had once called her father had left long ago, on that night that still haunted the- not so young- girl. She remembered the sound of the slap, hard and painful, it was a sound she feared, which left an ever lasting tear in her heart, which longed for a fatherly love that she never had.

"Look at that slut. She's already found another fuck buddy."

"Gonna get laid again tonight, huh? There's never a time you're not letting some douche use your body."

"Oh looky, its little miss red off to let another guy fuck her."

"Such a fool. You're ruining your life because of your daddy problems."

"Hey! Maybe you'll end up like your mom! Just a body for people to screw with for a few bucks."

The words swirled through her head, a silver blade gleaming with red from cuts that ran too deep, but the pain, the pain was something she needed, something she couldn't live without; not with her heart shattered like glass, each piece sharp enough to leave cuts. Each word played through her head, tears streaming as blood pooled slowly, letting small drips fall down onto her jeans, which hugged her thin legs. The small gleaming blade fell to the floor as she flopped backwards, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block out the world as tears streaked down her pale cheeks.

"If there's a God out there..." She began weakly, her voice hoarse and strained, sounding tired from far too many sleepless nights. "Please, just please here me! I'm lost... I'm scared... I've got nowhere else to go. I've been through so much and I've done so much to be able to feel loved... Or feel anything... I-I just don't know how much farther I can make it." She sobbed, her voice uneven and shaky. "Please. Please.... Just help me!" She begged, as she laid there on her bed, tears streaming, blood slowly drying, and her hope slowly fading.

~

She felt a new type of light in her ever darkening world, one she had started to treasure. She felt like there was a God out there, that he did care about her and wanted her to be happy, finally.

"I don't know about him...." A friend of hers spoke, sounding very unsure.

"He's different though."

"How?" The friend questioned skeptically.

"He just is, and God wouldn't just lead me to him if he wasn't."

The friend crossed their arms, their lips set in a thin line. "Just be careful tonight, okay?"

"I will, promise." She says with an encouraging smile.

~

"Oh come on! One drink can't hurt." He says, mischief ever present in his eyes, which were cast upon her.

"I dunno..."

She looked to him, then the drink he was offering her, then back to him. He was different, right?

"One drink can't hurt." She says, taking the drink from him, who only smiled devilishly.

She downed the drink, instantly starting to feel dizzy and lightheaded.

~

She looked down at the little white device in her hand, her eyes tearing up, her heart breaking.

"Shit." She swore quietly, fishing in her pocket for her phone.

She frantically dialed a number. His number. No answer. No matter how many times she sat listening to that ringing, a sound she was growing to hate dearly.

"You motherfucker answer your phone! You can't just abandon me after getting me pregnant!" She yelled shakily into her phone.

She slid to the ground, her head falling limply onto her knees. She felt alone. Oh so alone. Not even God had her back anymore. She had put all of her faith in him, and it had only been shoved back in her face.

~

Fresh cuts, far too deep for safety, but safety was the last thing on her mind as her red hair fell in front of her teary emerald green eyes. She could feel the small kick in her tummy, but even the thought of the tiny baby she was bearing didn't stop the small gleaming blade that sliced her wrists, leaving scarlet lines that would just add to the scars that no one but herself saw.

"Everything will be okay." She whispered, her teary emerald green eyes downcast, landing on her baby bump, which reminded her of him, the guy who drugged her, fucked her, and left her in the dust.

"Everything will not be okay." She spoke again, her voice even quieter than before as she contemplated using that blade for something so much worse. That blade, so dull yet sharp enough to take a life.

~

She laid there on the hospital bed, her little baby in her arms. The little baby had green eyes, much like her own, and the start of light blond hair atop his head. She stroked the little angels head, a sad smile on her face, tears that had welled up long before slowly slipping down her pale cheeks.

"God.... If you're still out there..." She spoke quietly, feeling lost and alone and so unsure. "I know I've said it before... But I have no where else to go.... And I don't know if I believe anymore, how could I? I've been abandoned time and time again. Am I just unable to be loved?" She shook her head sadly. "If you're really there, just let me know... Cause I don't think I can be a good mother... And he deserves so much better than me..."

~

"Bye Mama! I love you!" The boy says happily, hugging her tightly before skipping out the door in joy.

She laughed happily, shaking her head at her son's silliness. He had grown too fast. His once light blonde hair turned darker, now more of a dirty blond, but those green eyes of his never failed to continue shining as brightly as her own. She felt finally at peace, knowing her son loved her more than words could express, and that she had a father that loved her unconditionally, and had truly been by her side the entire way. She finally understood God's love.

~

Oh so many years. Oh so many scars, tears, cries, so many times where she had lost faith. But, she realized, God had never left her side. He'd been there with her for her every heartbeat. She was old now, and she knew she didn't have much time left at all, which was only further pointed out by the fact that she laid in a hospital bed, a heart monitor tracking her ever weakening heart.

She grabbed her son's hand, giving it a weak, gentle squeeze. "Honey, there's something you must know." Her voice was quiet and weak. "There is a God up there, who heard me when I was at my weakest. I was so lost and so scared, I wasn't sure I could make it any farther. I didn't know what to do anymore.... Then he sent me you." A single tear fell down her pale cheek as her voice grew weaker. "So if you're lost and afraid, and don't know where to go, and you feel all alone, just know there's a father who loves, just like he loves me."

No more words were exchanged, just sad smiles and gentle squeezes of reassurances. She knew her time to leave this world was soon, but that thought didn't scare her anymore, not when she had a father who loved her to no end and showed her the light when all she saw was darkness. She knew she'd be welcomed with open arms, for God was forgiving, and God was kind, and he loved his daughter.

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