[personal profile] ugliano1100 posting in [community profile] mindcracklove
This is my first fic so forgive me if it turns out bad. 

Summary: Goofy Professor Pause and Ninja Assistant Etho attempt to create a superhuman Vechs, but when things go wrong, they travel through time and seek the help of others in order to hunt Vechs down.


The air was heavy with the stench of sleep and fats. Etho had no doubt that it belonged to their target as he sniffed the air.

“Get ready. He’s near already. The stench is stronger now,” Etho told Pause, who immediately hid around the corner, put on a pair of sunglasses and pulled out the essential equipment.

Etho climbed onto the second storey of a nearby building quickly, and sat there alertly. His eyes darted around furiously, scanning the surroundings.

“That’s the one we want, Jared,” Pause whispered to himself, pointing a fat guy across the street for no apparent reason.

Jared walked slowly along the streets, his fats jiggling. He was an extraordinary specimen. He had a flat face with no distinguishing features and a roly-poly figure. He stopped occasionally, his head nodding as his eyes grew heavy. He seemed to like sleeping a lot. A LOT.

Another wave of sleeping and fats stench hit Pause. He slapped himself hard on the face twice to prevent himself from succumbing to the dreadful influence of the disgusting Jared.

Etho was ready, back hunched, preparing to launch himself on the target on Pause’s command. He looked like a cat, with an angled face with slanted eyes and eyebrows. He even had a set of detachable claws for combat.  His nose twitched sensitively when the stench of Jared rolled over him. However, he kept his eyes on Jared without moving, still as a statue.

The command came and Etho reacted immediately. He leapt, turned in the air and landed with extra grace right on Jared’s back. Jared was slammed hard in the back and he fell down to the ground, face-down.

Caught by surprise, Jared gave a yelp for help before being violently slammed against the floor. He turned around, reaching for his plasma gun, but was slashed in the face with razor sharp nails, twice.

However, Jared’s fats protection protected his eyes from being harmed. Jared elbowed Etho in the chest and threw him off. He proceeded to take out his plasma rifle, slowly, as if to make the whole situation all the more dramatic. But this was probably due to Jared naturally being sluggish and lazy.

Etho took advantage of the delay and flipped himself back to his feet, scurrying off up the building. Jared mocked Etho twice with “LE NEWB”, and shot the wall a few times, just for fun and to scare off Etho.

Jared, however, did not expect what Etho had up his sleeves-if Etho had any sleeves in the first place. When Etho was out of the range of Jared and Jared had walked away. Etho took out a 5-kilogram-anvil from a special pouch. Jumping from building to building, Etho found Jared half-sleeping again and quickly dropped the heavy anvil onto Jared’s head from high above (classic Etho), before jumping down onto Jared’s back once again.

This proved to be more than what Jared’s fat armour could protect. The anvil knocked Jared unconscious and he fell onto the ground. The ground shook when Jared, the mighty sleeper of all times, fell heavily to the ground. Etho picked up the anvil and dropped it onto Jared’s head once again, just for good measure.

It was ages before Pause arrived at the scene. Etho had already collected the blood sample, and extracted Jared’s DNA. On top of that, he had already taken a half-an-hour nap and watched an ancient Liverpool vs Manchester United English Premier League Match from 1999.

“What took you so long?” Etho asked, irritated.

“Oh, I was totally lost along the way. I fell of the building trying to follow you then I went in the wrong direction for 10 kilometres before I realised. Then, I had asthma attacks along the way and fell asleep many times, probably due the Jared influence. Also, I saw this restaurant selling delicious…” Pause rambled on about the various reasons about why he had taken such a long time to get to Jared.

Etho almost fell asleep again and quickly stopped Pause, and reminded him of the task they had.

“We have Jared’s DNA now, we have to get back and make him,” Pause stood up, brushed his coat and wore his cheap sunglasses. It was too dark already, and instead of making him look cool, he bumped rather awkwardly into a lamp post.

Pause, frustrated at the cheap sunglasses, took out his M9 Flamethrower and burnt it to ashes. Etho merely nodded and looked at Pause with his cat-like eyes. Pause found it rather unsettling to see feline eyes on a human face.

Etho threw a small, round object onto the floor and both of them were enveloped by a bright flash of light. Instantly, they both had disappeared and nothing of them was left behind. All that was left was an unconscious Jared and the sunglasses' ashes.

"I have to get some new sunglasses - expensive ones this time. I can't afford to ruin my image just by banging into lampposts all the time," Pause started swearing.

"I think it's because you're wearing it at the wrong time. Sunglasses are meant for the sun, you know, not for the night," Etho replied mockingly.

"You can't expect a Professor to know everything, don’t you. My Ph D’s in Chadism (reference to one of their old Garry's mod episodes), and not sunglasses. Though I was thoroughly enticed to join that too. But a person can't learn everything, can he?" Pause sighed sadly.

Etho merely nodded his head, trying very hard from not talking back to Pause.

Date: Tuesday, December 29th, 2015 02:43 am (UTC)
ruddiestbubbles: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ruddiestbubbles
this is intriguing! can't wait for more

Date: Tuesday, December 29th, 2015 06:28 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
Hmm, interesting. And I could be wrong, but wasn't Chadism in Mario Kart?
-Observing Anon


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